My Monosyllabic Sis - need help! =(

black_mamba

I'm not used to asking for advice but this is serious, so here goes.

Today I discovered that my clone (aka my 15 year old sister) has been bullied recently. After bunking her lessons for many many months she has come to the decision to leave school a year before a bunch of prominent exams.

I've been aware of her wanting to leave for a while and have tried desperately to coax her out of it - I even wrote her a little book/comic about the sort of jobs she may be into. It was really cool, but when I asked her what she though of it she said ... "ugh". Thats all I ever get out of her these days.

I'm really worried about her. She is going though what seems to be what I experienced at her age, except she thinks its ok to leave school before she gets any qualifications. A tutor of hers suggested home schooling, but I don't know how viable that is. I would *love* to teach her myself but I'm busy at university. Crying or Very sad

So...

-Does anyone here have any experience or advice regarding tutoring my sis at home?

-How can I get my monosyllabic sis to open up to me? I want her to tell me about her experiences so I can help her. I'm so f**king worried.

blubs · Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2005 2:50 pm Post subject:

Hi black-mamba

You're sister is lucky to have you worry about her. I think (and I think maybe peoples experience on this site might back this up?)....that confidence is more important than qualifications. I have good qualifications....but no job...and have been totally over qualified for most jobs I have done. So if bullies are destroying her confidence..maybe home schooling is best? Also there are lots of ways to get qualified, not just academic...so maybe she could find a part time job in something that interests her first to build her confidence...qualifications could come later when she's more sure of herself and what she wants.
Sorry I don't know about homeschooling, maybe you could try the LEA as a starting point?

blubs

black_mamba · Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2005 3:36 pm Post subject:

Its true that there are good alternatives to qualifications, I've done a lot of research on the subject whilst helping her out - trying to convince her that maybe even something like an aprenticeship is a good option.

But yeah, the problem is she will be left without any GCSEs. I'm sure some people on this site have or know of home schooling and what its like. My parents think they can teach her themselves. Rolling Eyes

Thans for replying blubs.

black_mamba · Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2005 11:04 pm Post subject:

Wise words grumblina.

Ever thought of moonlighting as an agony aunt? Wink

black_mamba · Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:26 am Post subject:

I'm sure its good if you can get a gig in one of the top women's mags.

One of my dreams is to set up an 'alternative' (yet still popular) magazine for women. I think you'd be the ideal agony aunt for it. Razz

black_mamba · Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 10:50 am Post subject:

Wow. I didn't know trying to make a depressed tenage girl open up to me was going to be this difficult!

Apparently it took a couple of police men a few days to get her to see them (my parents had involved the police because they were worried about her activities whe bunking and reported her as missing).

So yeah, it took a good few hours of work. She was sat on bed chatting on msn on a laptop and I let her take pictures of me pulling faces on her new mobile phone. We arm wrestled and played with my digital camera. Anything to let her avoid actually talking to me. Surprised

Anyway, to cut a long story short...nothing has been decided yet. I'm considering tutoring her partially myself as well as getting in a professional tutor.

If anyone has any advice on home tutoring that would be great...i.e. is it likely to make my sis more reclused by being at home all the time?

racheH · Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 11:10 am Post subject:

My guess is it would help to prevent her from having more experiences that would make the phobia worse. Having to face those things day in, day out is what made me depressed, and it comes out more in adolescence. Obviously everyone's different, but going by myself, I think she won't suffer from keeping clear of what scares her unless she is unable to learn about her problem at the same time. If she is phobic or paranoid, I would recommend either a professional opinion, or showing her the tons of stuff on it in books or the Internet, so she knows she's not alone and can make up her own mind about what's wrong and how to deal with it.
Hope that helps Smile

_________________
'Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else' ~ Liza Minnelli

Mysti · Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 4:07 pm Post subject:

Hi mamba

I think I probably mentioned in the past that I was home schooled? Um there are probably a few ways you could go about it.

First route that might be a good idea, is to contact your local education board, explain the situation and find out whether there are any programs that they would provide such as a tutor or possibly a teaching unit she could attend. That was one of the options that was offered to me, the other was that I could finish my last year at a local college. Bearing in mind they weren't too happy with me not attending mainstream school so probably weren't as helpful as they could be, but nowdays things are a little different.

You could hire a tutor privately, from experience it's expensive but it would guarantee she got a good few hours a week. If the local council refused to provide one via state means, they may be able to put you in touch with a reputable teacher at least. Exam wise it's useful to have them on your side when it comes to her sitting her G.C.S.Es.
That is the one problem with parents or family teaching the kids because nowdays schools follow such a set syllabus that it can be easy to overlook certain aspects. My mum originally thought she may be able to teach me herself but after a few months we realised it wasn't going to work long term. What about a home course over the internet? She could study for her exams through that and would have to attend an examination centre to sit them but they provide support from tutors via e-mail and phone.

There are lots of options available I think but you're right it could be a good idea for you to teach her until you can get something more permanent set up. The danger is she may lose interest in the thought of getting back into the school work if she's away from it too long but then again depends on her personality.

As for the effect of whether being home schooled could make her more recluse there are two points of view to that.
On one hand, yes it's a very lonely existance being away from people your own age but then if she's being bullied that's probably the last thing on her mind anyway. Being away from that environment will certainly reduce the worry she's feeling about school and in her last year the less stressed she is the better. In my situation in middle school, it was the headmistress that bullied me for two years and I was physically dragged through the side entrance every morning, I honestly feel this made my situation worse so I don't think it's worth pushing her back into the classroom unless the school are prepared to deal with the offenders properly.

The important thing I guess is if she's home schooled that's fine but don't let her lose contact with any friends she might have, and make sure she continues to live life outside of school as she usually would regarding going out shopping etc. When you get into the habit of sitting at home watching tv or surfing the net 24/7 and never socialising with anyone it's hard to break that routine and the world seems much more distant and frightening, then you start worrying about things and expectations people may have and end up sitting under the duvet not wanting to come out. That seemed to be how my agoraphobia started, probably because it happened so slowly I didn't notice until it was too late to stop it. Anyhoo I've sort of gone off on a tangent - I hope that helps a bit and you just have to persevere in getting her to open up. Just try not to make her feel pressured into talking to you, do what you're doing... hang out... lark about and she'll (in theory) start to feel more relaxed and maybe come to you when she wants a chat. Keep her involved in the decision making over the tutoring too... hope things work out with her Smile

it's a tough age at the best of times damn bullies *kicks em in the shins* Very Happy

Bye for now