Joined: Apr 10, 2004 Posts: 5 Location: United States of America
Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2004 10:23 am Post subject:
Tris wrote:
i think if 2 people with SA were in a relationship together, the problem would never get resolved.
I totaly disagree with you, that's like saying two people with broken arms shouldn't date because they will never heal. Everyone with social phobia has goals, and every time one person reaches thiers you could learn from it, "she met her goal so maybe I can meet mine the same way" and vice versa. I would think that it would be great to have a significant other with SP just because the could understand what you are going through like noone else can, one of the hardest things for me is that noone that I know in person has any idea what it's all about, and even after expalining it the still don't get it, you can never know unless you've been there.
Joined: Apr 06, 2004 Posts: 38 Location: Australia
Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2004 4:06 am Post subject:
I don't think you can generalise about anything, let alone dating and relationships! I may be unusual but I don't like overly confident men - my boyfriend also has SP and is a lovely person. Yes, it can be tough at times both having it, but overall its a positive experience. It's the person that matters, not what condition they have or haven't got
Joined: Mar 03, 2004 Posts: 267 Location: United States of America
Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 3:51 am Post subject:
Hi everyone!
Let me put my two cents in (that's about how valuable it is!)
Life isn't fair. There is an equality. In many cultures, men typically lead first. Maybe, the girls with SP don't even know that you like them because you haven't made introduced yourself or told her that you're interested in getting to know her. Oh well, that is our burden.
Sullen, I don't think you should close your option and just seek to go out with girls with SP? What makes you think that these are the only girls you are compatible with?
Joined: Mar 03, 2004 Posts: 267 Location: United States of America
Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2004 7:03 am Post subject:
Hi, Guest.
There is nothing wrong with it. I'm just saying that just because we (men or women) have social phobia we don't have to date people with social phobia. It might seem logical because "they will understand what I go through." ......but I don't believe that argument because...if the other person loves/cares for you they will go out of their way to accept you (try to understand you) no matter what disorder you have....I don't want to pick a girl because she has the same disorder as I do...I want to pick a girl because she loves me too? I dunno....That's what I think.
I'm a "good-looking shy guy" who once lived with a girl with SP... SP worse than mine ("fair to moderate SP," methinks I'm more lightly touched than perhaps 70% of the folks here). We were also both depressed, apathetic, passive... it worked out fabulously for a year, and then we just got sick of seeing our problems perfectly reflected in each other... if, say, i was annoyed at her for not wanting to call the pizza place to order, I couldn't feel justified in that as I understand where she's coming from--and probably was avoiding making the call myself!! So I'd end up annoyed at myself...
I usually end up in relationships with outgoing women who have stronger personalities... but that has problems too (they don't understand my SP, lack of confidence, insecurity, fear of being rejected by them--the reason I'm bad at communicating...).
Joined: Jul 08, 2004 Posts: 13 Location: United States of America
Posted: Wed Jul 21, 2004 12:42 am Post subject:
It might be hard for two people with SP to meet in the first place. If both are shy and do not talk, it is going to be hard for them to ever meet in the first place. And if they do meet, someone has to make a first move, which, again, can be hard for people with SP. Overall, I think the girls with SP might have it a bit easier with relationships (initially anyway), because it is not as expected for the woman to lead and be assertive. Once in the relationship, though, I do not know though who has it easier!
It might be hard for two people with SP to meet in the first place. If both are shy and do not talk, it is going to be hard for them to ever meet in the first place. And if they do meet, someone has to make a first move, which, again, can be hard for people with SP. Overall, I think the girls with SP might have it a bit easier with relationships (initially anyway), because it is not as expected for the woman to lead and be assertive. Once in the relationship, though, I do not know though who has it easier!
The main thing you have to remember is that Social Phobia and Shyness are two, totally seperate things. It's one thing to be shy; it's quite another to be socially phobic. I personally find women who are more reserved and shy to be more attractive and alluring than outgoing, loud and overly-confident women. I don't think I've ever been around a true socially phobic woman(although you never can tell). I can definately see how two social phobics would have difficulty meeting one another. I consider myself to have a more mild case of social phobia, and that causes enough problems in and of itself..
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