SP and perfectionism

ella · Newbie User Joined: Dec 01, 2003 Posts: 17

I found this article on the net about perfectionism and I certanly recognised myself in it.I was wondering what do you all think about it.Were you raised to be perfect?Please read it.
``Do you feel like what you accomplish is never quite good enough?
Do you often put off turning in papers or projects, waiting to get them just right?
Do you feel you must give more than 100 percent on everything you do or else you will be mediocre or even a failure?

If you are a perfectionist, it is likely that you learned early in life that other people valued you because of how much you accomplished or achieved. As a result you may have learned to value yourself only on the basis of other people's approval. Thus your self-esteem may have come to be based primarily on external standards. This can leave you vulnerable and excessively sensitive to the opinions and criticism of others. In attempting to protect yourself from such criticism, you may decide that being perfect is your only defense.
Perfectionistic attitudes set in motion a vicious cycle. First, perfectionists set unreachable goals. Second, they fail to meet these goals because the goals were impossible to begin with. Failure to reach them was thus inevitable. Third, the constant pressure to achieve perfection and the inevitable chronic failure reduce productivity and effectiveness. Fourth, this cycle leads perfectionists to be self-critical and self-blaming which results in lower self-esteem. It may also lead to anxiety and depression. At this point perfectionists may give up completely on their goals and set different goals thinking, "This time if only I try harder I will succeed." Such thinking sets the entire cycle in motion again.``

ella · Newbie User Joined: Dec 01, 2003 Posts: 17

I`m not sure what happened to my poll,but it did not turned out to be perfect,but double perfect!

symbiosis · Posted: Tue Jul 06, 2004 11:27 pm Post subject:

What a great post Ella!! Perfectionism is definitely a problem with SP I think.... we judge ourselves so much more harshly than other people. Rolling Eyes

I'm sure I've avoided lots of different things in life, not only because of SP, but because of fear of doing them less than "perfectly". Here in South Australia, we have a SP group called Connect, which runs workshops. To help modify our thoughts on perfectionism, part of the workshop material poses the challenge - look around one day and notice how many things are absolutely perfect in the world.....nobody and nothing is perfect! Why should we be, it takes so much energy and doesn't do us any good.... This might all sound really obvious, but I found it somewhat of a revelation Very Happy

ella · Newbie User Joined: Dec 01, 2003 Posts: 17

Thanks Symbiosis!I really think everybody should consider this as a big part of the problem.I know it helped me a lot when I started to notice little imperfections among `healthy` people.Everybody talks stupid sometimes,or drops a glass in the middle of the restaurant,or has a big butt,twice as bigger then mine,or has no talent for music,dancing(I know don`t) or whatever.So,what?Nobody`s perfect and everybody is better in something then next person.And we shouldn`t aim at the highest goals.I know many will be offended by what i`m going to say now,but if some of you can`t find a girlfriend and a boyfriend,maybe you should consider the fat girl with glasses and not the most popular girl who`s all blond and curly.Same with jobs,comunications with people,everyday tasks...Be realistic!

MarCPatt · Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 7:56 pm Post subject: yes

I think that I became a perfectionist, because that was the only way people liked me; at least that is what I thought. It is difficult to feel loved by anyone else when your own parents did not offer you the type of unconditional and platonic love that most parents offer their children. Even to this day I struggle with feeling loved. Yes, I am married, and my husband is the best man I have ever met, but I still feel empty and alone; as if i am not worthy of love. I am always working hard in every area of my life so that he does not stop wanting me. This gets tiresome and is unrealistic. No one is perfect and we will always make mistakes and fall short of being completely perfect. I know and understand this, but deep inside I can't let go of the feeling that I can always do better or be better. Something tells me that in order to completely recover from SP I need to let go of this idea of being perfect.

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richkid · Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 8:42 pm Post subject:

Yep its one of those things you think you should be but all it does is try to rule your life. Through high school I looked at the popular kids and the different groups trying to work out why they like someone why they didn't, even through university I just got really confused trying to be this perfect person everyone would like. The greatest relisation to make is that nobody is perfect everyone has thier flaws you have to be able to accept your own and laugh. Stories of embarassement are much more fun, like a couple of days ago (note not to funny at time) my family had people round for thier wedding anniversary, it was getting late I was bored and decided to have a bath, forgot the bath was on and it overflowed flooding the kitchen and cutting the power off. Not the most gracious way to ask your guests to leave. I felt really akward but it is fine now, so embrassing but its the way the world works SHIT HAPPENS.