Violent Relationships

Marin · Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 4:11 am Post subject:

I think it's bad by itself that you've been treated badly in the past, that's a form of abuse too. Maybe that's why you're afraid of being in a violent relationship, because maybe you were afraid they'd cross that line? I was in an abusive relationship with someone who was just a friend, it started out just verbal or mental stuff, but every once in awhile he would do things like when angry at me, take out a knife and wave it at me, (once he actually let go of it and it landed in my leg)or just tell me he wished he could hit me. Looking back, I can't believe I actually tolerated that but it didn't start out that way, so to me it's not strange that you are afraid that might happen because they don't usually start out smacking you around, they kind of beat you down in other ways first. Not to say that everyone who is mentally abusive might hit you, but usually from what I understand if they are violent they also treat you badly in other ways.
I'm going to feel like a big geek right now because this is the second post tonight where I've recommended books to people, but one book that is really good for SP people who might get taken advantage of is The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. It helped me, anyway.

crazyfairyx · Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:34 am Post subject:

Hey Bexi

having relationships is always gonna be a scary thing to start with, cos you never know if the guy you're starting to date is really as nice as he seems. I think because we have SA it makes it worse because we're already used to being treated badly and it's something we kinda expect.

I've been in violent relationships, and it's not good at all, bad relationships are something people have to accept exist, but they do not have to accept to be in one. Not all relationships are like that, I'm lucky, I'm with a fantastic guy now, because not only do nasty guys exist, nice guys do too Smile

Worry about violent relationships if you ever think you might be getting into one, til then, don't stress it, because if you do you'll take all the fun out of dating, and you won't want to do it anymore Smile

Naomi x

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Marin · Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:45 pm Post subject:

Hi Bexi,
I was rambling there in my last post, sorry. What I was trying to say is I think you shouldn't be on your guard all the time or worry about someone doing that to you because unless someone treats you badly in other ways, I think it's unlikely that they'll be violent . You could come up with some boundaries, and promise yourself that if anyone crosses them you'll get yourself out of the relationship.

LittleMissScareAll · Expert User Joined: Jun 15, 2005 Posts: 716 Location: Hell

Remus · Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 6:36 pm Post subject:

I was in a violent relationship, on the reciving end of quite a few punches, I also had to stop her beating her kids up, it wasnt pleasant atall, no way would I hit back as thats not in my nature, I used to get clawed kicked or headbutted when it was at its worse (PMT time), once had to stop her beating her son with a kettle and shielded him and took the blow myself, I dont know why I put up with so much, I guess you do sadly when you love someone, I'd never put up with that again and would walk out the door the first sign of trouble, they beg forgiveness but just repeat it again and again.

All her other relationships consisted of men battering her, I guess its all she ever knew but still does not excuse anything, if anyones in a relationship like that now, take my advice, get out and find someone better.

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