New member

Fayester · Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2003 11:52 am Post subject: New member

Hello everyone! It sounds bad but I'm really glad to be here and find that there are other people out there that feel the same way I do. My name is Faye and I've always been on the shy and not very confident side of the fence. I thought I was 'normal' when I was little but I'm beginning to realise that I also felt socially awkward when I was around six or seven except for a few close friends. At school I had some aquaintances but only really one best friend. Then someone else at school tried to take her from me and my best friend began to be mean to me and I had no one. My friend eventually realised that I was her friend and decided to get rid of the other one because she was nasty.

It was when I was taking my mock exams at school that I first started to get panic attacks. From then, through college and even after college my panic attacks continued. I was afraid I'd be allergic to things so I hardly ate, I lost a lot of weight. Every minute of everyday I felt like I was going to pass out and I was dizzy. I'm surprised I made it through college with my A-levels because I spent almost everyday concentrating on the fact that 'it's only a panic attack, nothings wrong with you', but they didn't go away. During this time I generally wanted to be left alone to concentrate on my panic attacks, except when I'd go out with my boyfriend(s) and drink enough to make them feel better.

I am lucky enough that I never really had a problem talking to boys and was able to find boyfriends. For some reason it felt like I was able to confide in someone. I'm now happily married and love my husband to pieces, and he is like my best friend now. However I still find it very hard to connect with people, I kind of feel like I don't see things as they do. For example I try to do things that I think are right but it turns out to be the opposite of what people want. For example I used to get home from work and sit with my dad while he cooked dinner (I helped a bit), then my boyfriend would come around and we'd sit there and chat a bit. I did this thinking that my dad would probably be fed up that everyone else buggers off while he's left doing dinner so I'd stay and show that I hadn't buggered off and left him and I appreciate what he's doing, where he complained to my mum that he hates it when he has an audience when he's cooking. It's always things like that that I do wrong. I don't think I'm wired up in the same way.

I'm sorry for rambling on a bit but it's nice to talk to someone. At present I don't have panic attacks, I'm able to work. However I feel very low in self esteem and confidence. For some reason I hate to give an opinion on anything (it would probably be wrong anyway). I'm also kind of scared to talk to people, I'd much rather not have to talk to anyone but then I feel so lonely that all I want is to talk to someone - but then I can't connect with anyone enough to feel like I can talk to them.

I used to love flirting and had that as a kind of outlet to talk to people, but now I can't even do that because I'm married. I've also put on weight, I eat and drink too much. I feel almost as though I might be a bit depressed, and as though I should perhaps be receiving some help.

I've sort of rambled on so much that I've lost the point of what I was trying to say, but thanks for listening, it's great to meet you all.

Fayester

Guest · Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2003 2:08 pm Post subject:

oh my gosh,,,,,your me Sad

i mean, it's not all bad or anything, i live a good life with tight family, but feel like a hyena when in public. People say i dont apear that way, but inside i am crumbling.....

wacomtablet · Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2003 12:05 am Post subject:

both of you apparently stopped posting.
i am in awe of your courage and confidence Fayester, and the achievements you've had in your life, and the fact you've been able to establish friendships as well as romantic relationships. as such, the lessons and advice you have inside you are of great value and may affect someone positively, perhaps even provide the impetus for someone to pursue achievements they otherwise felt incapable of pursuing.
you have much to offer this forum. i hope you return soon.

scardecat · Guest

hi and welcome! im "guest" in last post, I've advanced to a sort of name Laughing

I havn't posted in just a bit cause for some reason, when i do it sais invalid_session. Talk about feeling of not worth Crying or Very sad

So, if this posts, i'll be so happy cause i feel sometimes like i really need to say stuff..

richkid · Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2003 4:34 pm Post subject:

hey, I know how you feel, think many of us on this forum can relate. Its great to see that people are co-operating in giving help and try give support to each other. Its better to, in this case write about it ,than leave it swirling in your head. I have told people around me about SP( family and girlfriend), A possible mistake i'm making now is not telling my house mates at Uni, but having said that I'm attempting to turn things around. Its not always easy to see what you have till its gone thats a main reason for me to progress. I don't want just to exist but to live my life to the full.

Hope to here from you Very Happy

richkid · Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2003 4:35 pm Post subject:

hey, I know how you feel, think many of us on this forum can relate. Its great to see that people are co-operating in giving help and try give support to each other. Its better to, in this case write about it ,than leave it swirling in your head. I have told people around me about SP( family and girlfriend), A possible mistake i'm making now is not telling my house mates at Uni, but having said that I'm attempting to turn things around. Its not always easy to see what you have till its gone thats a main reason for me to progress. I don't want just to exist but to live my life to the full.

Hope to here from you Very Happy

wacomtablet · Posted: Wed Dec 17, 2003 2:58 am Post subject: