I've had enough, can you help me.

kc69 · Last edited by kc69 on Tue Jul 13, 2004 8:55 pm; edited 2 times in total

EDIT: WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE RESPOND IT WOULD MEAN ALOT TO ME
I wrote a just wrote a really long post and it dissapeared so im just starting this thread off if anybody could take a little time to read my post and mabye help me out I would appreciate it alot, hold on tight this is going to be a long one,

peace and good luck everyone

p.s. don't let the b*st*rds grind you down

here we go

EDIT: PLEASE COULD SOMEBODY RESPOND

kc69 · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 8:12 pm Post subject:

this is the first time I've looked for this kind of forum and at lest the first three or four were empty and even I had to laugh.

I've suffered from really bad paranoia and social anxiety for about seven years now and when ever I try and tell anyone they don't really understand it can often come and go without any warning which really makes my life difficult, I make plans with people to go somewhere or do something and I look forward to it but most of the time when it comes up I feel like crap and don't meet my friends or stick to the arrangements i've planned. My anxiety is so overwhelming at time that I've quit college twice (I know it sounds funny but it isn't when it's you'r life being screwd up) sometime I can't even bring myself to answer the phone or the door.

Because of my anxiety I've lost contact with friends, relatives and girlfriends and I'l be honest with you sometime I feel pretty lonely.

kc69 · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 8:22 pm Post subject:

rescently I've noticed that I drink quite heavily to feel comfortable in social situations and I know that this is not healthy.

Most of the time the only time I socialise is on a friday and saturday night when I go out with friends and go to clubs the thing is when im at the clubs I drink (which is ok but I often overdo it) I feel more relaxed. Most of my friends think Im a very confident guy and some even call me a little cocky when im there I'm quite sociable I talk to people, dance and often get quite a lot of attention from girls.

When I feel calm and relaxed (not always drunk but quite often) I can be very sociable I have intresting conversations with people and flirt quite lot and I feel compfortable with myself.

kc69 · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 8:26 pm Post subject:

The problem is I slip into severe bouts of depression, I have no intention of taking any anti depresants one of my parents used to take then aand atempted overdosing several times and eventually hung themselves this was basically when my social problems began.

kc69 · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 8:46 pm Post subject:

after my mother hung herself I changed dramaticaly,before that I was very out going and now I only really open up and only a little under the effects of alcohol or drugs Iwant to be a balanced person I'm tired of these constant ups and downs I want to get a job and not be crippled with depression and anxiety everyday wondering about all the bad stuff that might happen tomorrow, my mother hung herself when I was 12 and know im nineteen and I have spent those seven years isolating myself from people and Inow it seems normal.

About to days ago a girl who I know and really like and get on with very well phoned me up and invited me around to her's but I just couldn't go outside I was to anxious.

richkid · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 9:20 pm Post subject:

You need to see a counsellor or tell some one NOW this was a good start. I applogise I didn't read the whole thing but from what I gather your clincally depressed and there is no shame in admitting that. Drinking will not solve the problem and may make it with as it is stimulate i.e effects your mood (sorry to be patronising). The fact your mother hung her self has caugt up with you I fell this is the real issue and needs to be sorted, the SP is an onset of this depression effecting your self esteem.

Go to your GP or whatever get help its there for you to use. The confidence you had is still there it just needs a wake up call.

kc69 · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 9:31 pm Post subject:

I went to couseling soon after it happened but to be honest I don't think it really helped alot, don't worry I'm not suicidal I figured out a long time ago that I was just to scared to do that.

p.s. thank you for replying

kc69 · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 9:34 pm Post subject:

It's just I want to be normally fucked up like the rest of the normal fucked up people I don't want a big house or a flash car I just want to get on with my life.

nervous · Guest

I'm sorry to hear your story.
My only advice is that talking to a professional could help a lot.

Have you read the stories of other people. Check them out. Very helpful!
I hope it gives you hope.

I have no friends. But I have too many hobbies to occupy my life and to keep the depression away. I'm learning computer programming, piano, drawing, etc from the internet.

I have gone to many kinds of forums. Replying my thread means a lot to me. If people doesn't write anything, I start to imagine how suck I am etc and you shouldn't feel that way because you are not.

Good luck.

kc69 · Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2004 11:24 pm Post subject:

It's strange I haven't thought about it alot for a while until today because it became normal, but I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be I mean at least I get moments when I'm the more real me, some people here seem to be like this all the time and I used to be. It's just that when I look back on it I could have done so much more if I wasn't so anxious I don't want sympathy or pity I just want to get on with my life and do things that I enjoy doing without being paranoid about all thebad things that might happen.

@nervous do you ever meet anybody through you'r hobbies or go out somewhere to do some drawing. Are you any good on the piano? I trying to learn to play the guitar, I'm crap but I enjoy it (musics good for you it takes you'r mind off things).