feelin like crap today but i would rather not. it would be nice to feel good. just did another exam and screwed up so thats me back to square one. but i wont give up. it cant always be this way.
Joined: May 09, 2005 Posts: 1409 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 8:30 pm Post subject:
grumblina wrote:
Am happy cause I got my keys to the new apt. last night, also had dinner with dad and grandma so that was nice. Now I need to pack and move and clean, into infinity it seems like. Will need to coordinate people to help as I have heavy furniture and am moving across town and up two flights.
Sounds exciting! I love moving house, I'd love to help out except I'm on the other side of the planet.
Today I am feeling stressed because my motorbike training company are treating me unfairly (I am getting ill, wanted to change the date of my lessons and they won't let me without taking away my deposit money - all £150 of it!!) So as you can imagine, been tearing my hair out all day trying to sort this out. *sniffles*
My parents are on holidays for two weeks and my sister is also not home so I am alone and I feel totally lost and lonely. I now see what my life will be when I move on my own (I am 24 years old so that will have to happen sooner or later). My only girlfriend is also away right now so this week I have realised that without them I have nobody and I am not capable of doing anything by myself so I just sit around at my house and watch TV or something. When my family is at home I can socialize with them and pretend that I am not so wierd. I also depend on one and only girlfriend who I've known since highschool and if I go somewhere it is with her otherwise I don't go anywhere. Just last time she said to me that she feels like my mother not a friend because she has to drag me everywhere she goes and that other friends ask her what's up with me. It was so humiliating but I don't blame her because it is true. My social life depends on her. Until recently she invited me evrywhere she went but she stopped doing that cause she could't take it anymore. She encoureged me to call some firends myself and to invite them to do something as oppose to always wait for others to call me. She is right but she doesn't know about my social phobia. We were very good friends through highschool but it got worse every year since then because it became more and more obvious that something is wrong with me. I've never had a boyfriend and in highschool everybody thought that I was very shy or not yet interested in boys but when years gone by and I never even went on a single date it was clear that I am not normal. So me and her grew apart. What's the point in having a friend with no life. We had nothing to talk about cause nothing interesting ever happened to me, we couldn't discuss boyfriend issues like any normal girlfriends most offen do. And then she started to ask me directly why I don't have a boyfriend and I couldn't explain it to her so our relationship became very ackward and now we are very distant and I believe she feels sorry for me but she doesn't want to spend much time with me cause it is not going anywhere. I always act the same and deny that I have a problem. I've never told anybody that I have social phobia (self diagnosed). I think that my family and other people think I am normal except for the fact that I've never had a boyfriend which off course is a big thing. The older I get more problematic this is. When I was 18 I could pretend that everything is fine with me, because i wasn't the only 18 years old virgin, but now that I am 24 I feel like I am trapped. I feel so ashamed because I know that all my relatives and friends know that I've never had a boyfriend (though they don't say anything ). Soon it will be perfectly clear to everyone that I have some serious mental problems if I haven't had a relationship at my age. Now that I am home alone I only think about how pathetic my life is and that it will never get better. Actually it will only get worse. I know I am not capable of meeting a boy and dating him and so on, so my only two options are killing myself (which I would already do if it wouldn't hurt my family so bad) or liv in shame as a old virgin always alone with no husband and kids. Both options are devastating to me and that is why I feel trapped. Untill now it wasn't so terribly horible because I lived with my family which I love, I had a friend and I could petend before others that I am living somewhat normal life. And even though inside I was always unhappy I had hopes that next or the next or the next year I will change and I will forgot about what a hard time I had inpuberty. Now all hope is gone an I feel ashamed, lonely and desperate. I am tired of pretending to be happy or at least normal, I am tired of my life.
Joined: Apr 18, 2005 Posts: 299 Location: United States of America
Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 4:29 am Post subject:
I'm not to good today...was supposed to have lunch with my best friend and do something with him tonight (now)...but he just blew me off...oh well...what are friends for, right
Joined: Jul 28, 2005 Posts: 52 Location: United States of America
Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 4:58 am Post subject:
hi all.. im new here! first post! ...ive read some of your personal stories and I can soo relate to them... it is an everyday struggle and it's hard to make people understand that is not somthing you can make dissapear quickly ...i wish it could ....I can especially relate to Maya's post..in my case ..i have a sister (not even a friend) who helps me get out there and get some kind of a social life...its better than no one at all I guess...But i am afraid of what my life will be like if I don't change..because I don't know anybody other than my family... they make me feel normal but when Im out doing normal everyday things I feel like the world is judging me...school and work has always felt like a pain too.. it just feels so hard to relate to someone....I guess thats why Im here I need to talk to people who understand ...instead of keeping it to myself..Im an average 24 yrold but I don't feel that way. My shyness has affected every aspect of my life school work socializing,friendships, relationships etc. By the way are there any hispanics on here that can relate?(not discriminating)
talk to me people!!! I need someone to talk, to you need someone to talk to I am officially your friend lets ease some of our anxiousness!
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
79 guests
18 members
Forum FAQ
Search
Profile
Private messages
Log in
I am officially your friend