Everybody who has this is tempted to blame it on the way they were raised. And, you know what, each person is right -- the thing is brought to the present from our past. But the wierd thing is that we will all find something different to blame it on. Person 1 who traveled all the time will blame it on that, while person 2 who never traveled will blame it on that. What else can they do? They can only point back to what happened to them.
The point is that we're all adults now, and the most pathetic thing to hear is a full grown adult still bitching about how they were raised and the things that made them insecure as a child. As an adult, we must take responsibility for our attitudes and behaviors, and must become confident and stand up to the world.
Everybody who has this is tempted to blame it on the way they were raised. And, you know what, each person is right -- the thing is brought to the present from our past. But the wierd thing is that we will all find something different to blame it on. Person 1 who traveled all the time will blame it on that, while person 2 who never traveled will blame it on that. What else can they do? They can only point back to what happened to them.
The point is that we're all adults now, and the most pathetic thing to hear is a full grown adult still bitching about how they were raised and the things that made them insecure as a child. As an adult, we must take responsibility for our attitudes and behaviors, and must become confident and stand up to the world.
That's all very well and good. But why not? if it helps people to try and find the root to their problem, looking at the past, let them do as they please.
Btw, Standing up and being confident doesn't work for everyone. Anxiety becomes a habit to an extent, in which our body's get used to reacting to certain situations. When this happens, it becomes a natural reflex. Breaking that is going to take a long time - especially if you have had it most of your life. A combination of therapy and medication can shed light to the end of the dark tunnel, but looking at what actually *makes* people feel like the way they do is more important. So looking at the past can do some good. But blaming can be a way of releasing frustration, and if it makes them feel better, so be it. Besides, who are you to tell people what to do anyway?[/quote]
I'm certain my disorders have something to do with the way I was brought up or treated as a child, but I think other situations may have contributed to them as well. I was never really picked on or put down by the other kids (just the usual jokers that made fun of names, etc. on occassion) but I do know (and this is not my phobias or low self esteem issues doing my thinking for me) that many of my teachers had issues with me and they singled me out, picked on me, and humiliated me in front of the entire classroom. I was also held back for a year.. not because I didn't pass, but the teacher felt it would be in my best interest to keep me back. All of my friends & classmates moved up to middle school a year before I did and it caused some other unpleasant situtions as well. I loathed middle school... everyday I was there, I would plan 'escapes". Problem was I had no place to escape to except for home where Mom would put me right back in school!
Joined: Jan 15, 2004 Posts: 70 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 11:30 pm Post subject:
To be honest, I'm not 100% sure if my parents have had something to do with it or not.
I do think they had something to do with me being a target for bullies which is what brought on my SP.
Not intentionally of course, I think my parents rule.
Joined: Jul 23, 2005 Posts: 9 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 5:34 am Post subject: The way I was brought up
I can remember a few isolated incidents of being bullied from when I was very young, but basically I was fairly happy and popular. It all started to go wrong when I was 13 and I went to a new school where I was bullied mercilessly for the next 3 or so years. Also my father had very high expectations and used to hit me, make me do loads of extra work and verbally abuse me.
Years later I was verbally abused by my wife and that certainly didn't help, so I think things at different stages of life can be just as harmful. On the other hand maybe I got into that relationship because I was already socially phobic.
_________________ All the best,
John
The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
Joined: May 31, 2005 Posts: 22 Location: United States of America
Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 3:45 pm Post subject:
Anonymous wrote:
Everybody who has this is tempted to blame it on the way they were raised. And, you know what, each person is right -- the thing is brought to the present from our past. But the wierd thing is that we will all find something different to blame it on. Person 1 who traveled all the time will blame it on that, while person 2 who never traveled will blame it on that. What else can they do? They can only point back to what happened to them.
The point is that we're all adults now, and the most pathetic thing to hear is a full grown adult still bitching about how they were raised and the things that made them insecure as a child. As an adult, we must take responsibility for our attitudes and behaviors, and must become confident and stand up to the world.
How messed up does one person have to become to be able to blame it on the past? Do they have to have schizophrenia, MPD or bipolar disorder? I don't think it is pathetic to point to the past and say that that is the reason I am who I am today. Dwelling on the past can be bad and can halt ones growth, but many people don't have the ability to cope and move on. For some it takes a little effort and for others a mountain of it.
For me, I can point to the past and say that it was where my problems started. At a young age I was molested and beat by my father and my mother and sister disliked me because my father showed favoritism towards me. Enemies, so-called friends and even my family would ridicule me for my looks and failures. An example might be that I'm a perfectionist because I received rare positive attention when I would get straight A's in school. When I was in college, if I got a B I would go crazy and hurt myself. I wasn't good enough and now I wouldn't receive the attention I wanted. The quote up above is reasonable and most of us know that reason doesn't quite work with some of our problems. Personally for me I've moved past the blame - it only took me twenty years. For others it will take even longer, like the woman I know who was repeatedly raped by her mother and father and now has MPD...most of the time she is a child even though she is 33 years old.
Forgive me I went overboard again cause of anger. Anyway, yes I believe the past can be pointed to as the cause of ones SA/SP. I also was an army brat and teased in school and didn't get to make any friends that lasted long so I agree with many posts here.
Joined: May 16, 2005 Posts: 328 Location: United States of America
Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 4:32 pm Post subject:
Anonymous wrote:
Everybody who has this is tempted to blame it on the way they were raised. And, you know what, each person is right -- the thing is brought to the present from our past. But the wierd thing is that we will all find something different to blame it on. Person 1 who traveled all the time will blame it on that, while person 2 who never traveled will blame it on that. What else can they do? They can only point back to what happened to them.
The point is that we're all adults now, and the most pathetic thing to hear is a full grown adult still bitching about how they were raised and the things that made them insecure as a child. As an adult, we must take responsibility for our attitudes and behaviors, and must become confident and stand up to the world.
An anxiety disorder usually arises out of conditioned learning. It may be genetic, but that doesn't mean it will always be present in a person's life. If a person was conditioned to feel a certain way when they were younger, then it is absolutely necessary that they find out what caused the dysfunctional thinking so they know how to turn it around. I really had to look back at my past to figure out a common link between all my problems, and I figured out that link is the need for control. My anxiety and eating disorder go back to control issues because my parents were always changing their lives, which in turn changed mine, and I never felt like I had stability or control over my life. It's important to figure that out so I can start to change my mindset, otherwise I'd never know where to begin.
We can look to the past to see where we went wrong, then use that to better ourselves. We can blame and be angry at our upbringing, but we also need to use that for good, and not persistent self-pity.
Joined: May 09, 2005 Posts: 1409 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 5:02 pm Post subject:
Angie_05 wrote:
We can look to the past to see where we went wrong, then use that to better ourselves. We can blame and be angry at our upbringing, but we also need to use that for good, and not persistent self-pity.
I think thats a very sensible stance to have. I used to feel that blaming your past was pointless but when you think about it; the complications of being afflicted by both nature and nature mean that its useful to know what went wrong in the past so you can (hopefully) overcome it in the future.
If it helps the debate; I wasn't really brought up as such, my parents let me do my own thing. I went out at 10am to play and came back at 10pm. I could've been raised by wolves and still turned out the same.
i would blame my father for how i am and i dont think im wrong about that. my mom said the same thing. iv been afraid my whole life because of the shit that went down with him. my friends dumping me would be another reason
Joined: Aug 10, 2005 Posts: 45 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 5:12 pm Post subject:
I was bullied at school for being fat i was having fits and all sorts from the stress of it ,anyway my mum took me out and taught me at home and since then i've not mixed with anyone and i'm 19 now and people expect me to be normal and get a job/collage ect but i dont know how to talk
to people and i feel everyone is always judging me
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