Joined: Aug 01, 2005 Posts: 12 Location: Australia
Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 4:54 am Post subject: how to have and maintian good conversations
I can be witty, i can be fun, i can be humourous, most of the time......but ONLY among my closest bunch of friends. Other wise.....I'm like a plain plain boring girl.
its sad.
I stay in a residential college, and we always have meals together in these tables that sit up to 8 people. I always find difficulty in maintaing or sometimes starting a conversation with my fellow house mates. Sometimes, i feel soooo stupid for just sitting there without saying a word while everyone else is having fun and joking around. Sometimes, i think of things to say in my head, but it never comes out of my mouth. I hate being so silent, but there is something that prevents me from feely expressing myself. And when i do try to say something, its always stupid, and no one ever replies or supports my comment. They probably think that i am a loser or a very boring person or someone that lacks the personality. its just sucks esp since i have to admit that after 1 month there, i havent made any close friends. Im just worried because my friends back home don't really know that i have a problem making friends or being sociable. they all think that im this easy going person, because thats how ive always been with them! I dont knowwww why this has happened to me. its as though ive lost all ability in making friends. or speaking or conversing altogether!
im just worried, that when they do come here and realize that i havent made any friends, its going to be embarassing!
baahh. this social problem/shyness thing has been affecting my sch work...and ive not been following my lectures or tutorials. its that bad.
oh well..im just going to take a nap now..and try to be positive the moment i wake.
hopefully, id have some useful comments from the wonderful ppl here to help me in having good conversations. although, i know its something that you can't just learn ......
Joined: May 09, 2005 Posts: 1409 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 1:55 pm Post subject:
taws wrote:
then that way you can relate to all the idoits that make up the world and can make comments about stupid shit you really dont give a fuck about and people will like you then and feel that they have a connection with you because you are able to relate to their stupidty.
!!
It's funny because it true, and the worst thing is people love to talk about themselves so much. So if you're desperate to make conversation then asking people about themselves usually results in listening to a ten minute long monologue about their boring lives.
Having a good conversation is another matter. I've come to realise that people don't really converse much but just talk about themselves at each other.
giveme5 wrote:
Sometimes, i think of things to say in my head, but it never comes out of my mouth. I hate being so silent, but there is something that prevents me from feely expressing myself. And when i do try to say something, its always stupid, and no one ever replies or supports my comment.
Yep, I get this too. I'm not sure why. Maybe we should end all our statements with a question so that someone always replies...?
Joined: Aug 16, 2005 Posts: 137 Location: Australia
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 12:51 am Post subject:
ye i concur. people like to start their sentences with "I....."
I guess thats how "normal" people get to know each other. I feel if someone talks about themselves too much they are self-centred and arrogant, but really they are just being honest and open. I hate talking about myself to other people.
yeah i hate the whole inability to make input into a conversation and when you finally get the courage to say something, no one says anything.
all you get is silence/odd looks and a tumble weed rolls by.
In my exp if you continue to sit there and say nothing ppl will start to think ur aloof or weird. Its hard, but making an effort to talk early on is easier than waiting till later and then suddenly starting to talk to your group.
Joined: Aug 21, 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Australia
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 2:47 am Post subject:
lol about the tumbleweed, very well said!. People think I'm weird anyway so it doesnt really bother me but I don't loke the fact that people think I am aloof and snobby. I think that is great advice about getting in early with comments, I will try that, if you get in early then its like you have made a contribution and people arent wondering so much why your just sitting there, thats my theory anyway, is that what you meant?.
I will try that, if you get in early then its like you have made a contribution and people arent wondering so much why your just sitting there, thats my theory anyway, is that what you meant?.
yeah, its like even if you act shy, quiet, if you make the an effort to try to talk to them they will look at you more favourably then if you just sit there.
its also how u say stuff. if ur uneasy then you'll talk fast etc, but if you can say it like its nothing "hey , hows it goin?" "whatch been upto", really casual, then ppl will loosen up around you.
Joined: Aug 16, 2005 Posts: 137 Location: Australia
Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 3:48 am Post subject:
i think telling coworkers is a bad idea. they would not understand it. plus, if your looking for sympatht and support from them, i very much doubt u will get any, remember a workplace is a place of competition and politics. dont reveal ur weaknesses. Plus are u really close to any of ur colleagues ?
best to tell close family only.
Joined: Aug 12, 2005 Posts: 16 Location: Australia
Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 4:45 am Post subject: conversing
im from sydney and i also have problems talking to people, so i try and stay silent, because usually when i do speak i say something stupid.
but i have read people replies and all of you sound so smart and witty, you all have no reason to feel awkward because you are all articulate.
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