How do you make friends?

Greenade · Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 12:04 pm Post subject: How do you make friends?

I'm scared i'm gonna become a lonely old man living on his own with only his past regrets for company.... Sad

Am i normal....or abnormal....or am i just different???

I don't know why i'm even trying to put this post together, i think either i'm incapable of stringing my thoughts together into a coherent sentence, or i'm just idle.... but i'm not idle aarrgghh

I guess i'm stuck and tired of fighting this stupid anxiety ridden phobic phobia thing... Crying or Very sad

The only positive step i've taken recently is going to a new support group.... i was advised to start going to evening classes or something.... easier said than done though hey !!!

I've looked at the courses online and my anxiety has gone through the roof.... and this is just online, just the thought of going into a college shakes me to the core.. Confused

But if i can't do the college thing and everything else scares me stupid, then how on earth do i ever make friends...? How do i ever meet people that are friendly if i never go anywhere to meet people....? I am a hamster called Niblet riding my wheel, getting nowhere because the damn wheel is a circle shaped piece of crap that just keeps going around in circles... Razz

I am venting or rambling or something... i am going to implode soon... because exploding is too public and i don't want anyone to see Embarassed

I am so avoidant... i avoid everything that has even a hint of anxiety, and because i have been like this all my life, it has totally crushed any motivation or possible path i might have taken... so much so that nothing seems to excite me anymore... i can't see forward anymore... nothing floats my boat... and if it did it would probably float off and i wouldn't stop it because i might draw attention to myself.. Embarassed

I don't know what my point of this post is anymore....

I am the classic "i Dunno" person, when asked "what do you want to do when you grow up" only i have grown up....and i still don't bloody know...

If you don't do jobs or education or group hobbies or anything then how are you supposed to get social contact and make friends....? Its crazy... I'm crazy... ppffft Rolling Eyes

Thanks for listening... well reading.. and if ya got this far then you deserve a lottery win Very Happy

Ade

_________________
"I sit in the middle of my dense deep forest, scared to move around or shout, quietly waiting for my sweet special girl, to take me by the hand and lead me out"
Email: adey@treehippy.freeserve.co.uk
Yahoo: greenadeuk
MSN messenger: greenade@msn.com

moog · Intermediate User Joined: Apr 12, 2005 Posts: 154

I am in the same place, except I am in college (only 2 classes right now and I am done in December). I have been getting really worried and depressed lately about this same thing, I feel like I am never really going to have friends. And I am in college and I can't even make friends, and when I am done college there is even less chance of making friends. Why is it so hard Sad

blubs · Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:58 pm Post subject:

you can count me as a friend Ade..
even if I just bore you talking about rubbish...like sonic Razz

...

I find making friends really difficult...and especially difficult in a group situation like college, because I get so self concious that I spend all my time trying to control my anxiety, rather than being myself.
Credit to you for going to a support group Smile

Is that 'specially for people with SA?
Is there anyone at your support group you think you might be able to get on with...and maybe meet up and do something?
Or anyone you've met online that lives near you?
I find it much easier to be around just one or two people.

Having said that about college...I did do a night course once, and everyone was really nice...and quiet Smile

daria · Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:07 pm Post subject:

black_mamba · Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:33 pm Post subject: Re: How do you make friends?

JWH · Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 9:39 pm Post subject:

Ok, this has been on my mind too lately. I've never really had friends in my teenage or adult life, mostly because I was fat and used it as an excuse to turn down any invites out. At uni everyonne pretty much kept to themeselves, so no friends there either.

I've been working now since May, and still haven't got any people there I could call up and say "let's go see a movie", and I can't really see that happening at the place I work so, I need another way I can meet people. I was thinking of taking up a cheap night class at a nearby community art college... but I'm not sure what else I could do that doesn't involve dancing!

I believe I can say I've been at the point where you are now. Firstly friends are the last thing you should be thinking of. You need to get your anxiety under control and do small positive things every day. You will have to experience the stress of applying to college if that is what you choose to do, but it will even out in the end - just persist. Even if you don't go to college first, try to get a job/work experience of somesort.

I have been very lucky I admit in practically being thrown into a job where the boss said there was no interview - "just so long as we get along", but I couldn't have been in that position if my lecturer didn't recommend me. As sad and as frightening as it may be, you have to experience a few things you fear before you get somewhere.

Tell me, what were your interests before you lost them?

_________________
Jane.

keyfood · Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 10:39 pm Post subject:

hi Greenade,
i've been trying this method, but its still kindda hard for me cause i just don't care anymore (but it's still killing me inside)... anyways umm what, i lost my train of thught, damn what the hell was i gonna write? ummmmmmmmmm......
oh, yes, i'v heard this quote before about "making more friends in a month by being interested in them, than in ten years by trying to get them interested in you!" yeah i don't know who said that , but i've been using that method when i'm with friends i've known for awhile, its kind of like a game for me, like lets see what i can find out about them that i never knew before. yeah i don't know, maybe it will work for you. sorry if its not well written=D

keyfood · Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 10:45 pm Post subject:

i forgot to mention another quote, it is:
"stop looking for someone to save you, save yourself"--<---i try to keep this in mind when i go about with life.
"no one is coming to change anything...do it yourself."
"because no on is coming to save me... no one is going to change things... the answers will not drop from the sky... i will not one day wake up with a different disguise... today, i brake away."
yeah so maybe these could be a little motivation and stuff.

Dovir · Posted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 10:51 pm Post subject:

I have one friend, that I have known all my life, but he had to move to another state because of some problems with his parents or something. I really am not good at making new friends either, it stinks.

legin · Newbie User Joined: Jul 18, 2005 Posts: 25