scared to have relationship

Jeannie21 · Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:17 am Post subject: scared to have relationship

Hi,
I am 22 and I have never had a boyfriend. I have been asked out many times including by some guys who I really like and find attractive. But for some reason I always say no to them. I think it is because I am afraid that if I let anyone get to know me they will be dissapointed by my personality and SP.

Does anyone else feel like they really want a relationship but they won't give anyone a chance because of their SA?

Any tips on getting over this?

Thanks

Bexi · Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 6:12 pm Post subject:

Hello! RU me?? SOmetimes i feel so undeserving but then I think why the hell should I ?? U have alot, im sure, to offer someone, having depression or anxiety does not make someone less deserving.

My anxiety holds me back sometimes, but my BF is understanding, if u meet someone who really cares for u, i am sure they will b understanding of ur SP. xx

young · Expert User Joined: Sep 23, 2005 Posts: 602

have you ever heard the saying of love someone for who they are, not who you want them to be?

if your mate can't accept it. And give you support. then they just are not the one for you. bottom line.

FaymeLevy · Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 4:43 am Post subject:

Relationships terrify me...I had a couple, and none of them were good (even during..not good...im a doormat). And so i thought, oh i know, i'll stop looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend and just get some friends. Wouldnt you know, the second any of my friends show interest in advancing our relationship, i freak out. *sigh* I dunno.

4myself · Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 5:12 am Post subject:

At least people want to advance the relationship with you, all people want to advance with me is my credit card. Smile

I know how you feel though, I like flirting, but if someone shows an interest it usually scares me a bit. But I think with me its just that I don't like being in relationships all that much. No actually I do like it but only for a while and then I want my independence back, as opposed to my bad back which I don't want back. Oh dear I am so Rolling Eyes

FaymeLevy · Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 5:32 am Post subject:

I'm always surprised when it happens. I dont know why they do. Maybe I just have crazy friends? Wink

My mom doesnt like relationships either. She thinks they slow you down and hold you back. She's not too happy that all I really want in life is a husband/wife (in some states..lol), and some kids.

4myself · Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 5:43 am Post subject:

Hey, if thats what you want then you go and get it! You are the only one who has to be cool with it Cool

Jeannie21 · Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 12:22 am Post subject:

Thanks guys! You made me feel a bit better.

I was feeling so bad because this summer a great guy asked me out. I said maybe, but that I would like us to get to know eachother as friends first. He seemed ok with that. Everything was going well. Until in an email, I decided to tell him that I might have problems doing certain things (like being with a big group of his friends) because of my sp. He obviously couldn't accept this because he never contacted me again. I guess if he can't accept me for who I am, he isn't the guy for me.

There is one guy at school who is very shy who I really really like. He asked me out once for drinks. He was always the one who came up to me and who started the conversations. I was so nervous around him that I actually tried to avoid him at times. This year I will try to start conversations so he will know I am interested. I think that he might understand my problem because once when I told him that I wasn't comfortable going to the student lounge, he stayed with me, even though his friends were all in the lounge. I hope it is not too late to show him that I actually am interested in him.

Thanks again everyone,

Jeannie

4myself · Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 12:34 am Post subject:

Good luck and good on you for trying!

zana · Newbie User Joined: Jun 25, 2005 Posts: 6

Hey Jeannie21. I understand how you feel...I'm 24 and I'm kind of scared to get into a relationship with this guy because of many things...but one of them is fear of him being disappointed in me as a person...I've had enough disappoints to last a lifetime and it kind of hurts when they just keep on hitting you nonstop.
good luck to you, though.