Can't Look people in the eyes

lonesomeboy · Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:55 pm Post subject:

i have this problem too. especially around new people. once i get to know them i tend to be better. problem is ten-fold for people that intimidate me or a girl iam attracted to.

ackblox · Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:45 pm Post subject:

Growing up i used to suffer from this quite a bit. staring down at my hands because i was nervous or thought they'd think i was staring, or i'd let my eyes wonder around the room looking for something interesting to lock onto...

Things that i think helped me break the 'habit':
-reflective sunglasses are great, but sometimes they'll be completely out of place.
-continuous eye contact isn't all it's cracked up to be. daily life is not a staring contest.
-focus on infinity or something else behind them... like a wall, tree, window
-focus on one eye or the other or the bridge of the nose. if you feel the need to flick, blink when you do.
-keep in mind that it takes several seconds of intense staring to make someone uncomforable...
-practice with a friend or family member if possible. just ask them to say "Oi! stop staring at the floor" or somesuch. I don't mean those apparently irritated or condescending parents who tend to say "Look at me when you're talking to me" with that slighlty angry voice.
-try not to be paranoid or overly self-conscious about letting your eyes wonder from time to time because that just makes things feel worse.
-"an apple a day..." while walking down the street, keep you chin up and glance at at least 1 (or more) passer-by a day. You don't ahve to smile or wink or anything. Just glance at their eyes briefly and then look at something other than the ground 3 feet in front of you: hedge, fence, dogs, cars, someone else... The keeping your chin up bit help reduce the "oh look at him/her! s/he's easy pickings" reaction some of the bullying types tend to have when they see someone walking around with their chin firmly planted on their chest.

though i still suffer from it in the more acute situations... like women... and job interviews.

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-Oneirophile extraordinaR

MarCPatt · Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 1:06 am Post subject:

I too have this problem. But instead of feeling like I am looking into peoples souls, I feel like people can see mine. Though, I have been overcoming this problem little by little and have been able to look into people's eyes more and more. I try to just look at the color of their eyes, the chape, etc, and not think about myself but only on what the other person is telling me and on what I am seeing. On ocation I do look around and at passers by.

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USSL · Newbie User Joined: Aug 19, 2005 Posts: 1

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL

Pesik · Newbie User Joined: Aug 29, 2005 Posts: 14

As of recently I have had trouble looking into the eyes of people walking down the street Confused

I dont want to look like an obsessive starer (a bit exadurated) and I dont want to give false signs that I like someone. These are irrational but it is what I have been feeling latley. It is going to take a lot for me to overcome myself, but I will try.

rko74 · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 22, 2005 Posts: 258

Yeah i find i have this problem also, cept i try to meet the persons eyes too much and dont want them to think im making them uncomfortable.I cant focus on what the persons saying, im too worried about what they think of me. Sad

dragonfroggy · Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 2:25 am Post subject:

I can't look anyone in the eye. I look anywhere but the eyes.

paranoid · Newbie User Joined: Oct 18, 2005 Posts: 3

u could try a hypnotist, a good one, find a good one. they also have it 4 depression 2. i've lost jobs because of the eye thing. i tried to desensitise to it.(repeated exposure to the fear stimulus) they do this w/ people afraid of snakes, etc. but, i was hanging around with some people, and some were mean. it didnt help that we were all smoking the funny ciggies. but i have always been bullied 2, because i am kind of geeky, i have always been phobic because of my complex, and was hit in the face once and i speak like i have a closed break. all blood poured out but i thought it was a blood vessel, dont know if it got broke but i sound funny, so, geek.(i have a byfrnd who doesnt care i am happy 2 say!) but catty mean girls high schoolish sh#t. so then i wuz paranoid & they would make me more and then laugh. but then one was really mean, i think cause her byfrnd started to like me. so she made up sh#t. highschoolish and then her friends spread it. and then i was scared of everybody. i had quit the drgs but the sh catty sh#t was spread so then i was afraid of everyone because of that. vy funny, right? then this big asshl bully started w/ me, much older than me, but acts immature. he hit on me and i didnt like it ( was 27 at the time) he was in his 40-ish.has a lot of money and i called him fat, bu he parked near my window and could see in it. vy nervy.got scared & went in kitchen where my brother was. so i stay in, cause of eye sh8t, am scared.he has influence and money, is catty girlish himself, worse than mean girls. now i have a byfrnd he is worse, so are his friends.

magda74 · Intermediate User Joined: Sep 25, 2005 Posts: 129

idunnoimnotcreativ · Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 4:27 am Post subject:

Ive been working on it, and I have to say I've improved quite a bit. The best advice I have, is to just keep practising.

With that said, I have a related problem thats been so bad to my confidence. Basically whenever Im walking past people, and I look at them, they always seem to quickly snap their head in my direction and stare at me. I dont even think that Im staring, its like a quick glance at most. I dont know, maybe it has to do with the way I look. I have awfully dark skin that is terribly scarred, and ugly bug eyes that probably freak people out. Ive tried to keep a friendly expression on my face, but that really hasnt worked. What am i supposed to do when I walk past people? Just stare at the ground?