Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:57 pm Post subject: Reason I am shy
Hi,
I am new. I have always been shy, and therefore have low self esteem. The reason I don't talk more to people is because I am not "witty". I just don't have interesting words come to me like some other people. My husband can talk about anything to anyone, and everyone adores him. He can think of any response to anything and keep people interested and laughing. You would think he would rub off on me, but it hasn't. Does anyone here feel they are shy because they simply cannot think of things to say to hold someone's attention? Even if I wanted to talk to someone, all I can ever think of to say is the regular boring stuff, and then they usually move on to someone more interesting (like my hubby)!
It is the same for me. I get more and more obsessed about it cause it is difficult to find things to tell to the others. I envy people that can talk about a lot of things all along. Maybe it has nothing to do with shyness.
I know how you feel,some times when im talking to people in my head i know what word im going to use but it doesnt come out right,can make me look foolish at times rather annoying i must say.But worry not,on this forum speak how you wish and dont worry about it
Yes, and sometimes I find myself trying so hard that something really dumb comes out of my mouth. Then I look dumb and feel like never even trying again. I wish I was more like my husband. I guess it is just something we are born with. Is there a way to learn this quality? I hope my two daughters take after my husband, otherwise they will have no friends. In school I had very few friends. My husband has a million friends and I have very few. And it is all related to shyness. I just cannot hold a conversation like him. My oldest daughter is very shy, so I fear she will suffer like me.
Im not sure its something you can just learn,im sure it comes with confidence,something most SA sufferes have very little of(me included) some people can just go into a mode where they just talk and it comes out so great,then when you try it,it comes out all wrong >.<
Thats why i much prefere typing on a forum,than talking to a real person face to face.
Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 4:24 am Post subject: Re: Reason I am shy
Joanne wrote:
Hi,
I am new. I have always been shy, and therefore have low self esteem. The reason I don't talk more to people is because I am not "witty". I just don't have interesting words come to me like some other people. My husband can talk about anything to anyone, and everyone adores him. He can think of any response to anything and keep people interested and laughing. You would think he would rub off on me, but it hasn't. Does anyone here feel they are shy because they simply cannot think of things to say to hold someone's attention? Even if I wanted to talk to someone, all I can ever think of to say is the regular boring stuff, and then they usually move on to someone more interesting (like my hubby)!
Yes, but you know what is more important when you talk to someone ? It's attitude, is the pitch of the voice, it's the volume, it's the gestures you make, it's about looking people in the eye when you try to make your point, it's the movemonet of the head, it's being emotionaly involved, it's body language, it's charm, it's the way you say it.
So if you just stand there and not move a finger and you talk on a bearly hearable voice and you let words out like you were a robot and hesitate and have no attitude at all, they will have little effect.
I know this is hard when you suffer from SP, but when I'm drunk I'm able to hold others attention, I talk loud and I am very sure of myself and if anyone turns their eyes to someone else i just say: Hey, are you listening to me ? And surprisingly, it works, because I have attitude.
So, from my experience, it's no what you say that matters, but how you say it that makes it interesting, try it.
Maybe you could learn from your husband, try to talk it over, maybe he'll show you a few tricks
Good luck, and remember, practice makes perfect
_________________ What does not kill you makes you stronger...so that means I'm superman...yeah, sure
Welcome, Joanne! I can definitely relate to what you said. So many times I'll feel dumb and boring because I'm not witty like my husband. I always get the feeling people are more comfortable with talking to him than me. He doesn't stumble with his words and yet when I talk to someone, I feel the words don't come out right or I'll struggle to think of what I want to say. Worse, I'll stutter and really feel like I'm a social geek. What I find interesting is that there have been times I've had confident conversations with people and I'll actually say something to make them laugh. Ok, I'll feel good and then a few moments later, I'll say wait, did I do that? Was that me? And then I'll go right back to thinking negative. It's like, if you do something positive and have been feeling so negative and anxious alll your life, it's scary to think you actually did something good...if I'm even making sense here...lol. So I really emphathize (sp?) with you. I've been shy all my life too and then it escalated into a social phobia. Feel free to send me an e-mail or PM if you like.
Renegade, wow, great advice. I'll definitely keep that in mind
_________________
Frodo feared what had become his destiny...to destroy the ring, and yet he set out on the Quest to do what he must.
Joined: Aug 13, 2005 Posts: 167 Location: United States of America
Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 6:21 pm Post subject:
If you want to feel like your husband, the biggest secrect to be a good conversationalist is listen. Most "regualars" will love it when someone just listens to them. We all want to feel loved and liked. If you can make someone feel improtant then you too will be important in there life. Then in time you will get what you want, freindship.
Try and focus not what your husband says but more on how he moves, its the non-verbal communication thats key here.
And one thing I sure learned is, dont try to make people like you focus on doing what you like to do and if they have similiar intrests they will be into you. Do things like read the newspaper and get into more hobbies on your free time then you have more enthusiasm towards what you like.
Oh and heres a huge rule that makes the most scense in life, i read about in a book. In life 33% like you, 33% dont like you, and 33% are neutral.
Start finding the people that share your intrests and worry less about making friends with the neutrals for now.
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