how to get better (it worked for me)

LemonKiss · Newbie User Joined: Oct 14, 2005 Posts: 76

Hey people: Wonderful news. Not too long ago. being shy got me so down I was suicidal. I got therapy and medicine. Therapy was a joke. I couldn't talk to a stranger about my problems! And the medicine worked alright but I wanted to be better without it you know?

So here's what I did (I PROMISE IT WILL WORK FOR YOU):

Changed my attitude. I made pacts to be postitive for one whole day. I tried it one school day. It was the best day of school ever. I didn't let anything get me down and everyone kept talking to me because I was so happy and approachable. It's so wonderful when your mind is on your side! We were buddies! And now, thats the attitude I keep. Positive.

I began talking to people. To me, people used to seem like a different species to me. I just couldn't relate to them. And then I just said screw this I might as well try. Here's how: While you're rockin' on your positive out look and probably smiling inside out, look around for a quiet person like you, someone you know a little or someone you have something in common with. For example, I asked a girl in my art class about her projects. She wound up telling me she wants to be an art teacher. And this was the first time we ever talked.

When talking to people, look them in the eyes and take deep breaths. They are just like you-another person. Then, don't blurt an answer. Think first if you need to. Speak calmy and slowly.

Most importantly, realize this: If you are nice, polite, and care about them, everyone will love you. No one cares if you are a tad shy just like no one cares if you're a genius. People like being around people who like them and who make them feel special. They will feel special if you ask them things.

And for those thinking it's too late. I didn't start talking to them and they'd think it was weird: totally untrue! You'll be so surpired when you find this out. If you got nothing out of reading this just get this: People don't know everything and they want to talk to you!!!!!!

I am so happy all the time now. And without a religious convert or joining a cult! I did it on my own terms. I didn't force myself into a totally outgoing loud mouth. I just found a way to accept myself and talk to people.

Hussein · Newbie User Joined: Oct 07, 2005 Posts: 19

Hi worrydoll and lemonkiss,

I am wondering if it is easier for women to get out of their shyness than it is for men. seriously, I am now at that stage in my life when I NEED to be a bit more friendly and chilled. For women, they do not need to be all gutsy.

I am wondering if you know any guys on this forum who are academic in the way that they are trying to look at their problems. I strongly believe that if you know about your problem (the neurological basic of shyness, SA), then you will be able to sort yourself out. "Know Thyself" or is it "The truth shall set you free"?

If you guys know of any free resource on the internet which explains the neurological basis of shyness post please.

Falling · Newbie User Joined: Jul 24, 2005 Posts: 92

i agree with the points you made...

i've been to a psycologist 3 times and i imagined that it would change my life... she told me that i'm shy cuz i care a lot what people say about me... nothing i never heard before, also she considered me some books and yep these are helping me.

being positive change everything.... also when you dont make negattive predictions help a lot, but good predictions sometimes leads to good results... for example, on friday i am more out going at school, and talk to more people... maybe cuz i dont have the break on friday so i can be relax... but still it is different from the other days... and what is different is the way of thinking.

nicola_maire · Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:24 pm Post subject:

i totaly agree, its wasnt until i heard the scientific problem, imbalnce of chemicals, i actauly realised it was natural. i think until u view urself equal to others u cant respect urself. i think u need to come to an understanding where u realise we are all equaly human. and vunerable, some work with it, others dwell on it and there for seperate themselves, then isolate themselves. its all about finding a comfort zone, even tho its not really that comfortable, dont you find sometimes it better to know ull never get hurt by staying clear of people, ten trying and getting hurt? yeh it a solution but then again the reason why we eventualy we have to see the psychologist is because eventualy were even more hurt we have noone to talk too, and we no to an extent its our fault.
my psychologist was a diamond, im back to myseld, purly not givin a damm, i have a few issues like i think people r better than me, even people i hate, i know its ridiculous and not true, but it still pops in my head, so im goin back next friday, but im at a stage where i dont let it get on top of me, i just go out n do it!!!
respect yourself, except yourself and others, and magic will happen.
human nature is to use people for what u need in the nicest way, eg for love, so go and use use use!!!

MaGuS · Newbie User Joined: Aug 29, 2005 Posts: 54

very proud of you! nice post!

_________________
at some point you must "put away your books, be distracted no longer" -Marcus Aurelius / Meditations XIII

Disconnected · Newbie User Joined: Oct 18, 2005 Posts: 34

I think this post gets to the heart of the issue. What we MUST do if we want to get better. I completely agree with the post, its just that I'm not so sure about how to get to a place where I feel like it is possible to do those things.

I have trouble with the very first point, being positive, because I can't simply do something without a reason. This may seem stupid, but even though I'm miserable I'd like to think that I still have some basic principles. So by pretending to be happy, when I feel as if there is no reason to be happy, it just seems false. It seems like I would simply be playing a role of a "positive" person. Its these inauthentic roles that I sort of want to get away from. Any lasting change, in my opinion, must come with a reason so there isn't a chance of slipping back into old behaviors. The reason is the anchor that sort of allows you to do what you do and not question or doubt your decisions.

I think I can be accused of choosing to be miserable. But its not so much that I want to be miserable, just that I'm stubborn and need to feel that being any other way is meaningful, purposeful, and true. Just some thoughts.

Nytro · Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 7:32 pm Post subject:

LemonKiss thanks for the kickass post it really helps! Very Happy

ColdFury · Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 3:53 am Post subject:

Pretending to be happy inside (even though everyday I want to die) will make my crippling panic and anxiety attacks disappear, just like magic! Rolling Eyes

It probably works wonders on my OCD too.

lostboi · Intermediate User Joined: Nov 19, 2005 Posts: 137

Wow this is my first time here and what you have said lemon kiss makes so much sense. But I, like some of the others here am not really even sure how to get to that point. My fear of rejection and not being accepted is like a ton of bricks that weighs me down. I always feel like I'm being judged and that at any moment I could say something that will end the conversation and have people thinking I am a complete freak. Especially girls.. maybe it's easier as a girl to find that confidence to just talk to peopl. I don't know but I'll definately try what your suggesting..

knglerxt · Newbie User Joined: Feb 02, 2006 Posts: 5