Smiling feels weird?

lostboi · Intermediate User Joined: Nov 19, 2005 Posts: 137

I went to the caffe on the corner today to grab some lunch as usual I tried wound up starring at the ground avoiding eye contact with most of the people around me until I got up to the counter to get my food. I decided I was going to smile at the lady behind the counter just to try it out. I hardly smile at all but I managed kind of a starained grin. She looked at me cockeyed and then smiled back. I noticed that smiling just feels wrong? It doesn't feel natural. Do other people with SA feel this way? I feel like when I'm smiling I look like and axe murder Shocked

or something. It just feels so out of place and exadurated. Confused

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bluenow · Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 11:17 pm Post subject:

Practice in the mirror and once you get it right practice around your home. With enough practice it won't feel odd.

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racheH · Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:59 pm Post subject:

If you do it for the right reasons it shouldn't feel so odd. Smile if you're happy or as a genuine show of friendly acceptance of or gratitude towards someone. Anything forced will feel odd. If I talk to a stranger just to try something out I'll feel odd, and I don't even care what anyone thinks of me anymore (without a rational reason to). You might feel a little guilty for using them as an experiment or worry that they'll see the phoneyness and be freaked out... subconsciously if nothing else. Don't make it more stressful than it has to be, if you're trying to change your reactions to things.

Work on your more fundamental anxieties first, then smiling may come naturally. For me, concentrating on staying calm while talking didn't help, so I went back to basics and worked on the underlying problem, which was that negative evaluation induced a needless physiological response based on false unconsciously-rooted perceptions (a phobia). Um, I found understanding it to a really geekish degree helped too... Wink

Hope that helps Smile

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blight · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 2:52 am Post subject:

I know what you mean. I have sort of a 'stock-smile' that isn't a real smile but I guess it is what i give random people in situations like that. it was a long time before i did it in the mirror and then i realized it was sort of weird looking and that it actually would look much better giving a full smile. that does feel out of place though, i think b/c i very rarely give someone a huge smile. also i realized at one point how rarely i smile at people and now i try to do it more often.

Ayla · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 5:11 am Post subject:

When I was young I used to get criticized a lot for not smilling. The thing is, no one actually thought to ask me what was wrong - to deal with it as a symptom of something else.
So now I get very irritated at the idea of forced smiles. I say, smile when you feel good. If you don't feel like smiling, work on the WHY part.

(and I love your avatar blight, that's awesome)

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renegade · Advanced User Joined: Oct 26, 2005 Posts: 338

Lostboi, I guess the lady behind the counter looked at you cockeyed cause she was never used to see u smiling at her an was surprized. Anyway, that was a good thing to do, when u smile people see u more friendly and aprochable. Smile

And it felt odd because it was forced, for eg I can't show a true happy face on command. Smiling will feel ok when it comes naturaly and u feel the need to smile. Or it felt strange cause u don't smile too often ? Confused

I know how hard it is to do that when feeling anxious, smiling is the last thing that u feel like doing. Try smiling to her a few more days and you'll see she will give you the cokeyed view again when you stop smiling at her. Wink

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Nytro · Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 9:54 pm Post subject:

practice, practice, practice when you watch a comedy if by yourself look in the mirror when you are sinseriely happy, youll soon notice your not scary at all.

Nonverbal communication is one of the strongest parts of a convo...if you smile and sincierly care you will get the same in return..but never force yourself...more like make the effort to show how you feel

Ive felt like smiling was pointless if I felt down too, but the more you attempt it you tend to feel happier when you smile and walk with confidence, stand up straight hold your head up and smile..be thankful for everything youve got and use that for fuel to smile

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