Social Phobia World :: The Social Anxiety Sufferers Website

teknohead · Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 10:42 pm Post subject:

Please HANG IN THERE!
I'm 24yrs old (male) and I hadn't had a girlfriend for 8 years! Of course I've felt very lonely, depressed and angry about this. I don't really believe I'm ugly yet I sometimes thought I must be. Like you, I came to the conclusion that it was because I was simply too shy for anyone.
Well, for one thing, I, like thousands of other men, absolutely adore shy women! (I have SP too).
I now have a wonderfull girlfriend who is also VERY shy. Wanna know how I met her? I sent an advert/notice of myself into The National Phobic Society (UK) newsletter offering friendship and support. They printed it and she wrote to me. I wrote back. We then started chating on line. After just a few weeks, she came to meet me and now we're in a relationship together!
I'm not saying you must do what I did, although it wouldn't hurt. Just that maybe you're looking in the wrong places. There is a huge community of Social Phobia sufferers out there. Many of them in the same position as you, wanting the same thing(s) as you. You never know, could be someone on this site! Or maybe your closest SA/SP group!
Well I hope you find someone to love and care for you like I'm sure you deserve.
I wish you well.
Kev. Wink

richkid · Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 6:47 pm Post subject:

Give it ago, just go for it. He has shown interest in you, tell him if he understands he can help you. If not don't waste your time. relationships aren't easy wether your the most confident person or a shy person. But how will you know if you don't give it ago.

wistful_dementia · Intermediate User Joined: Sep 28, 2004 Posts: 173

Heya Elkapath,

I get the same thing all the time. Strange that most of these postings are of how hard shy guys have it in relationships. But I can relate- my main phobia comes from my in ability to initiate conversation and feeling like I can't or have nothing to say and feeling intense pressure to 'verbally perform (I guess you can say) or feel rejected. I believe that is probably due to over activation of the amygdala (or whatever it's called). It's hard to reason, think, and bantar when you are feeling defensive or have a rush of adrenalyn flowing.
In anycase, I felt the same way in the past... I even tried suicide when I was 19 as an immature way of reaching out to anyone who could help. When I recovered in the hospital, the doctor gave me the choice (unknowingly at the time) to be committed. I went to a place called mental health resource center and met a kind doctor who wanted me to agree to stay for a minimum of 3 days, but informed me that I hadn't officially been committed. I chose to leave because of having to be surrounded by unfamiliar people and having to 'open' up.

As time has progressed and I have matured (I am 30 now) I have come to understand that my emotions are my responsibility. I have also realized that I don't want to die, but, I want happiness- eventhough life offers very little at times. I have taken it upon myself to try to see all the world offers, not only a dark eccentric beauty and negativity that I use to be into. I think a truly creative person tries to see all perspectives, the beauty in all aspects (including the darkness) of the world. I hope that out of the billions of people in this world, that I can make at least a few friends that are unique, broadminded, genuiely nice, and tolerant (artistic is a plus). There must be a few I think. There are a few out there for you that can see that you have a good heart and that you have great value, I am sure.

In anycase don't give up hope- it is always there. Have you ever researched CBT, meditation, or REBT? These things may seem lofty, but they do work to an extent.
Take care,
Sean