Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 5:41 pm Post subject: Understanding: god, I need social skills! for real
Apparently I keep doing it again and again or maybe I am just self concious. I love to learn about topics that are different than myself. And women are no exception- although I may have feminine sides- obviously I can't completely understand what it is like to walk in a womans shoes. But it is my philosophy that the only way the world is going to become a better place is for people to understand each other. How is feminism going to progress if you leave half of the human race (the males) ignorant? So anyways sometimes I enjoy talking in a philosophical or academic manner with women at times and I ask probing questions. Sometimes they may seem basic, but sometimes things are so basic that we take fundamentals for granted and have no idea how the idea came about in the first place. And if you have no idea about the fundamental how can we make the complex issues better?
For example: take abortion- on an emotional level I have no problem with women doing it and I don't condemn women at all for it. And I agree totally- it is a woman's choice. For a woman not to have control over her own body is almost analogous to being raped I would suppose- again I am not a women so I must empathize on a theoretical level. But anyways the other day ago i was discussing this with woman what does it mean that it is a choice for a woman to have an abortion? And what value do we as a human race put on a life. Should we be principled for the sake of society to define when a life begins and when it ends? I think the only accurate way to define life is scientifically (not through scewed religious reasoning). I have heard that brain waves, a heart beat and response to stimuli begin after two months. If the medical definition of death is after the brain waves cease, shouldn't the definition of the begining of life be when the brain waves begin and when the fetus can respond to stimuli? Just because an embilical cord is feeding the fetus does that mean that the woman is not to be held responsible for it? Granted at one point it was nothing but her body + a tad bit of donated male DNA. In anycase, my point is this women couldn't intelligently answers any of my questions and actually seemed to take offense to my questions. I didn't intend any offence. It was purely a theoretical discussion. If you can't explain things on a basic level then how am I to totally agree with the issue? Teach me.
My problem was that maybe she felt that I was being insensitive but I wasn't- I was simply trying to learn. So my PROBLEM IS I strike an emotional cord- not trying to offend or attack anyone, but simply discussing things on a theoretical level. And unfortunately, my dumb ass even pisses women off when I don't even mean to- when just talking casually. Women seem to become defensive and lash out at me- but how am I supposed to change if I don't even know what I am doing wrong? Why don't women feel the need to try to control their emotions and educate me so that my dumb ass and people like me don't keep making the same ignorant mistakes. Wouldn't it mutually benificial? Lashing out seems like a temporary catharsis- like a band aid- it doesn't solve the problem. No, I am not perfect, and I even become defensive at times- see my response to two words but at least I make an attempt to understand people that are different than myself. I think alot of women don't realize that all men are not unfeeling, 'alpha' male types and we too have feelings and deserve to be respected as humans not just looked at like we are non thinking and NON FEELING males who are completely undeserving, penis possessing, leg humpers. In anycase, I am a social phobe and self concious when in casual convos, so please just realize not everyone has the gift of gab and educate me, don't yell at me- my father was very rageful and abusive and has done enough senseless and meaningless screaming while I was growing up to last 100 lifetimes. Do as I say- no need to understand why- was his authoritarian moto. So I mean that even though we may find being abusive empowering- it is futile- and doesn't change a damn thing.
Take care everyone.....
Last edited by wistful_dementia on Sat Oct 09, 2004 9:11 pm; edited 4 times in total
demented said "anycase, my point is this women couldn't intelligently answers any of my questions and actually seemed to take offense to my questions. If you can't explain things on a basic level then how am I to totally agree with the issue? "
wow. where shall i start? theres something wrong with you. serious. i dont believe you havent realisd it yet. why does your yahoo profile say youre female? you think youre a deep thinker. does anybody else think so? you are attention seeking by choosing an emotive issue. i think you are twowords. twopersonalities more like. "I think alot of women don't realize that all men are unfeeling, 'alpha' male types and we too have feelings and deserve to be respected as humans not just looked at like we are non thinking and feeling males who are completely undeserving, penis possessing, leg humpers." you meant arent? freudian slip? sorry to hear 'bout your dad. happens to the best of us matey. X
No that is just you being presumptuous- me omitting a word is just a typo. Simple as that. If my yahoo profile says that I am a female- then that is another error- nothing else. But you are just another example of what I was talking about. On the one hand you totally blow off any real answers regarding issues (just because they may cause strong emotions don't mean that they are irrelavant and not worth answering) and then you make an obvious emotionally charged (an irrational) attack on me by saying I have issues all the while trying to dismiss my past experience with my father. How ironic and hypocritical is that? Yeah, once again those sort of emotions don't count for much. I wonder if you even have the ability to think objectively. Would you attack another woman this way- I PRESUME not. In anycase address the issues and try to be fair for once. Did you even have the capacity to understand anything I said in the original posting. PS- thanks for the support for my posting towards two words - funny, you thought I was a female then.
PSS- I don't have anything to hide and neither am I going to try to pretend to be something I am not. I am not trying to impress upon anyone about being a deep thinker- I simply post what is on my mind. If you think that I am a dumbass, then great- if you have the ability to be openminded and actually address the issues then that is better. Also I am not attention seeking, but I am simply interested in issues that I think matter and have value. I guess I should be more NORMAL and just simply banter about trivial issues? Is that it? Now, please stop with your emotive belly aching- you should be setting an example of strength and wisdom not of being an irrational thinker and while you are at it...could you spell check for me and make sure that I didn't make anymore freudian slips. Oh, yeah even if I did have a disorder where I had multiple personalities (which I don't), is that a reason to degrade me? You being the caring open minded person that you surely are, thinks not right? And talk about projecting one of the issues you quoted me on was me asking to be treated as a human regardless of being male or not. Do you have unresolved issues with men. Believe it or not not all men are horrible- just as not all women are. My point is that we should understand each other and also understand our differences. Some differences are biological and some (some rightly, some wrongly) have been conditioned by society. In order to make true change sometimes we have to respectfully ask the difficult questions. And you know, I don't think anything I have asked is deep or difficult. It's sad that alot of people would be intimidated by such easy to understand issues.
After all this is a web site where us Social Phobes can speak
openly, right ? So once again, are you going to emotionally attack and degrade me or are you going to educate me? If you don't possess the ability say anything rational or logical then leave me alone. Simple as
that. Take care.
Last edited by wistful_dementia on Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:12 pm Post subject: Enough of that
So basically, when you cut through the denegration and emotionally charged crap... She is saying that I shouldn't concern myself with any issues that may be emotive or I will be attacked. Is this how women really are? Never ask a difficult question or risk being attacked and put down. Wow, that's not much different than how TWO WORDS is. Sorry, I promise to never ask a woman a difficult question again. Otherwise I am sure that I will be questioned about just how 'deep thinking' I am, while a witty little socialite rips into me. Really women, I am not trying to affront anyone, I just want to learn how to treat women and people. And, most importantly I want to know WHY- without being degraded. Like I said, I want to learn social skills. I absolutely don't think that I am better or worse than anyone. Can any HUMAN, including women help?
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:17 pm Post subject: oops- one last thing
I just checked my yahoo profile and it says that I am a male. Whew glad to hear it... I was sweating bullets there for a minute. Just kidding (about the bullets).
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 9:19 pm Post subject: What do you think?
Maybe it is dangerous to for a male to show any sort of vulnerability or openess at this site. It seems evident that alot (if not most) people, yes, including women expect men to be emotionally closed. (Strange do they base their standards of strenght on men's standards of 'what it means to be a man' also- if not then why do they percieve emotional men as weak? Why would 'WORRY' attack me- if not? Wouldn't that be kind of like women admitting that they are weak? I don't think they are but if you logically think about it- that is what they are saying. How is that being femenist?) News flash- man or woman- it is strenth to think logically and to be able to have emotions (of course we must be responsible with our emotions). These traits are not a weakness or an abhoration.
Last edited by wistful_dementia on Sat Oct 09, 2004 9:27 pm; edited 2 times in total
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 9:22 pm Post subject: PSS
To all those people that are about to attack me. Trying addressing the issues- both in detail and entirety. Don't just get irate and try to take little segments of what I am saying out of context. That once again accomplishes nothing, but continues a futile emotionally charged exchange of words. It changes nothing. It doesn't educate me, but gives more credence to what I have said. Well I thought I should seek advice with social skills. Apparently improving my skills with women is out of the question. Unless, it is simple tips- like dating etiquette. I will try to stick to other less controversial issues, unless I unintendedly offend someone. So much for idealism and philosophy, the world is in sad shape and it will only get worse, unless we try to come to truths not just what makes us feel better. Besides in the long run when we come to truths we make things easier and just for everyone.
It seems like the main issue you're having is that you discuss emotionally-charged topics with women that you don't know well. Many women will not discuss such topics with someone they have just met or only know slightly.
Social phobics often 'charge right in' to deep discussions with people they have met because they dislike/aren't good at small talk or meeting people in general... then, when someone talks to them, they rush into deep topics to try to establish instant rapport or learn about the mysteries of women... 'going too fast', some would say.
Joined: Mar 13, 2004 Posts: 44 Location: United States of America
Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2004 3:30 am Post subject:
I've come to know that bringing up religion and politics always causes someone in the conversation to get angry or upset. I don't bring up politics unless the other person I'm talking to does. And even if they bring it up I tip toe around so that I don't say anything too opinionated and no one gets angry with me.
Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2004 4:19 am Post subject: Actually
Actually, the lady in my example brought up the issue of politics first. I just went more in depth. But maybe you are right, maybe I should avoid emotionally charged issues until I get to know the person better. I do tend to rush right in when I feel there is an opening. In part to avoid the discomfort of small talk and in part to establish an honest bond. Mostly, because of my own need to bond. Taking time and establishing small talk first makes since- it is somewhat painful for me- but is a skill that I should work on. Oh well, I'm over it... I appreciate everyone who is able to give me reasonable advice- thanks.
Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2004 4:25 am Post subject: hahahha
My YIM id is empyreal_dreams... hahahah!
Yahoo! ID: empyreal_dreams
Real Name:
Location:
Age:
Marital Status:
Gender: No Answer
Occupation:
I'm online now!
Send me a message
I am becoming embarrassed just thinking about your foolishness. PS- I do have a friend who is female and goes by the YIM ID of wistful though.... hahahha... that is where I came up with part of the member name at SPW- it a combination of her profile name and the name of a pet kitten I use to have. I am sorry but you really need to stop being so presumptuous and making a complete fool of your self. Oh yeah, do you have an irational fear of addressing real issues in an intelligent manner. I don't think you have the mental capacity- so shut up already. take care- my silly foolish friend- oh yeah, go away already.
Last edited by wistful_dementia on Sun Oct 10, 2004 4:40 am; edited 1 time in total
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but at least I make an attempt to understand people that are different than myself. I think alot of women don't realize that all men are not unfeeling, 'alpha' male types and we too have feelings and deserve to be respected as humans not just looked at like we are non thinking and NON FEELING males who are completely undeserving, penis possessing, leg humpers. In anycase, I am a social phobe and self concious when in casual convos, so please just realize not everyone has the gift of gab and educate me, don't yell at me- my father was very rageful and abusive and has done enough senseless and meaningless screaming while I was growing up to last 100 lifetimes. Do as I say- no need to understand why- was his authoritarian moto. So I mean that even though we may find being abusive empowering- it is futile- and doesn't change a damn thing.
