date with a judge... custody of my daughter!

shhhh · Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 6:26 pm Post subject:

My daughter as well is showing signs of becoming the "opposite" of me.

I'm not really concerned about her becoming socially phobic; her mom is a really outgoing person (especially when she's loaded, which is from about 9am onwards, I'm telling you the truth, hence my fight for custody), and my girl will talk to anyone, anywhere. Much to my discomfort while standing in line at the checkout!

What I worry about is her picking up on the "negative vibes" coming from me. She knows me better than anyone, and I am an internal train wreck. She sees inside me. Often, my brain is just a jumbled chaos of synaptic disfunction. When looking after her, I will act fine. I will do everything right, I say the right things, we play, read, all good stuff, but it's an act. And I really think she knows it.

I worry about what effect just the knowledge of such a thing will have on her. My dad is mentally ill, always has been. Seriously delusional, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I know this has had a very great negative effect on me, and I cannot seem to shake it. Our parents really do live inside us. And my mom is pretty much a non-functioning member of society. She's a 50 year old little girl. So that's no help either.

I've been "trying to take up" meditation for a couple of years now. Once I get everything else done at the end of the day, I kind of collapse in a heap, and forget about it, too tired.

Has anyone here tried meditation of any kind? With what result?

bashfulgirl · Newbie User Joined: Nov 26, 2005 Posts: 37

Shhh, I'm glad for you that you daughter is out going. When you say you put on an act and do all the right things with her it sounds like me talking about my situation. My mind is whirling with negativity and depression all day every day it seems and I'm so concerned that my kids not live their lives with the emotional pain that I've had all these years. It's on my mind all the time as I try to act happy with them. What strikes me Shhh is that you are very aware of how your daughter is doing and concerned about it. It doesn't sound like you parents were aware of what was happening with you because of their own problems and niether were mine. The fact that you are aware and working so hard to be a good parent is in my opinion going to help your daughter be happier than the majority of the kids out there Smile