HELP!!!

unforgiven · Guest

Well this is my cry for help. Im 21 almost 22, and I am so shy that I cant make new friends, cant even keep the friends that I have. But friends aside whats really "killing" me is that I never had a girlfriend and being so shy I really cant even immagine of geting a girlfriend, I mean I cant talk to girls(expecially ones that I find attractive) I get all sweaty and nervous that I cant say a word.

HELP!!! suicide looks like the only option

arlequin · Newbie User Joined: Jun 05, 2004 Posts: 79 Location: Spain

I can see other options like psychologist, therapies to over come it... It's normal you see all so dark but you can get your situation better. Greetings!!!

lonelycody · Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 1:42 pm Post subject:

I wouldn't worry too much about not having a girlfriend. That will happen when you least expect it. The most important thing you need to worry about at the moment is sorting yourself out.

Being shy isnt too bad, maybe you just need to work on your self confidence/self esteem first. In order for you to make friends you need to be able to make friends with yourself first. This may sound silly but you cant expect to make friends if you dont like yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat your friends.

Maybe try going to see a counsellor or someone who specialises in working on self confidence/self esteem to help you feel better about yourself. In order for you to overcome your shyness you need to step out of your comfort zone and make an effort. Just giving up and committing suicide will get you nowhere. Suicide is for wimps.

benihana · Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 4:02 pm Post subject:

There are so many options out there, try using the energy of feeling bad to seek out these other options like group-work, psychologists, sports, hobbies, anything that can let your thoughts alone or share them with someone else.

Girlfriends and relationships just kinda happen and being shy doesn't neccesarily hinder them all the time. When you are at a point where an intimate relationship can fully develop, it will. If it isn't there, then you don't want to be in an intense relationship anyway. Those connections and feelings can bring happiness, but also pain.

Work on feeling comfortable with yourself, after that everything flows naturally.

Guest · Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 9:47 pm Post subject:

Please dont look as suicide as the only way, ive been there, well still am realy. iv been with my boyfirend for 3 years almost, i spent the first year drunk just to calm my nervousness and feel comfortable and not go bright red all the time, thing is after a while i began to feel better and more relaxed... he doesnt understand the SA and does get woung up when i drink alot but if you can get over the first bit in can work, i never thout i could maintain a relationship!

i still just wanna be normal SA sux so much!

Guest · Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 10:02 pm Post subject:

omg i was given that same book too, it was my boss who thout it would help me.. i get the concept but i cant get it to work, how can i imagine im confident and 'normal' when all i see is this nervous panicky weirdo! Embarassed

slahive · Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 4:31 pm Post subject:

How do you imagine,you are confident and normal?....when you only see a panicky,weirdo?.

Books will onlt tell you,what you should already know.I believe.

I know...LIFE IS ABOUT ACTING..socialising,it can help alot,to act....EVEN if you feel dumb inside,or feel down.

Stand tall,have your heartbeat at 2 paces...and just stay still.If you can do that...Without saying one word....It is a start.To feel proud of oneself.

I had an interview today,prob my first ever interview at 22.I had work,from relations before...Anyway,i sat there....with courage.I said a few sentences.IT MAY SEEM TO HIM:i don't talk...
But to me,i could sit face to face with a top general manager of a cinema,and listen to him.nod my head,not twitch...

I didn't mind,if i didn't talk at all,or talk little,when he asked questions.I barely talked.

It's all about,starting somewhere.

I had a girl,stare at me,like i was a bum,recently...The girl,who was my only ever girlfriend(we did nothing,at all).but i did it all to me>>>.worry,love,imagine...without DOING...because i was shy..

And when we met up again,as friends...I still loved her.When i was so dull(according to her),and she rolled those eyes.
I fell into a pit,for days again.

But is it about,getting a girl?who would do that to a social klutz,such as you or I?.
It's not..They don't deserve us.She couldn't even act as a friend,who cared.

I was mad one time,even on holidays 2 weeks ago...GO ALONE,into a nightclub,get laid for the first time..
It never happened,i didn't even talk to a girl,just one sentence..And i've never been out much.I don't have the courage to dance yet.

WRONG ENVIRONMENT!,WRONG JUDGEMENT OF MYSELF.

i shoul stay safe,and simple...but love myself..and build up the social SIDE,step by step...
Throwing yourself into some party house,isnt the way.or on top of girls.You'll only feel dumb.

sarebear24 · Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2004 6:30 am Post subject:

I felt exactly the same when i was about 16 / 17. (i'm 24 now and a girl looking for guy by the way) Anyway, i had a small group of friends thankfully and I ended up meeting my current boyfriend through them when I was 18. I've had 2 boyfriends, both of whom I got together with when I was tipsy, which is probably not very good advice. But yeah, once you meet someone who is compatible with you, you will eventually feel comfortable with them. - Sare

JWH · Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2004 6:51 am Post subject:

Will having a girlfriend cure your SP? From the sounds of it, that will be your final goal once you've overcome your other fears.

Yossarian · Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2004 2:14 pm Post subject:

I agree having a girlfriend won't cure SP, also there is more to life than relationships. However I do think having someone who loves you could be a good support base. This could be friends or someone more. It can feel like a hostile uncaring world sometimes and having someone there for you should be a positive. Mind you relationships also bring their own problems, not to mention fear of losing them, letting them down etc because of your SP. God I wish life were more simple sometimes.....but then it might be really boring! HUMBUG!

Oh well heres a quote from Dorothy Parker:

Enough Rope, 'Resume'

Razors pain you
Rivers are damp:
Acids stain you:
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful:
Nooses give:
Gas smells awful:
You might as well live.