Need Some Clarification...

Guest · Guest

I am not sure if I have SA, at least not the official definition. All my life I've had basically no friends, I had two in high school, and (in college) I haven't had any relationships whatsoever for the last four years. I'm basically the biggest loser you'll never meet, though people tend to assume I'm exactly the opposite because I'm smart, attractive, and academically successful. I avoid social events of any kind zealously, but if this type of response is just a learned reaction to poor sociialization, does this count as SA? I was also wondering how people hear have been able to have close personal relationships with SA. How do you make friends, etc, when everyone expects you to be normal? People don't want other people as friends who have so much psychological baggage,. How do you enter relationships when you have none to begin with? Thanks for any comments.

Frozen_In_Time · Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 5:10 pm Post subject:

If you're not sure about whether you have SA or not, why not try to see a doctor? They might better help you. I feel that you have a great potential in life. Do you find that you can talk to people more with the same intellectual ability as you? I find that it is far more easier to talk to people who have similar interests, etc. Why is it that you avoid social events? I can only suggest that you try to get out more, meet new people - that's really only the way (that I can think of) that you can form a relationship.

Anyway, good luck. It seems like I wasn't much help, sorry.

Grim Dreamer · Guest

Well, maybe you have certain symptoms attached to SA, but like I've said in my huge debut post on NEWBIE, SA is so obvious it's overlooked, if you know what I mean?

Avoidance of social situations seems to be an unusual lack of confidence on your part, not necessarily SA. I don't think you'll find it hard to form relationships if you find something in common with the person you're interested in speaking with. What you've got to remember too, is that forming relationships with people goes two ways, and you have to meet them halfway.

Um, not everyone expects you to be 'normal' because in this day and age 'normal' doesn't exist. Just give people a chance to form thoughts on you rather than forming them for them. What I mean is don't think they'll see you as, for example, strange, and be aware of it. Let them find out what you're really like.

I hope you're alright.

Aardvark · Guest

It is such a complex, subtle and evil thing this SP.

See I would say in my case, I spent a lot of time mixing with people I had nothing in common with. I found it required little effort. It was when I met people I did have lots in common with, who might actually see the real me, that gave me full-on trembling, sweaty attacks.

I think avoidance is a key indicator of SP.

Entering relationships when you have none to begin with is very hard, but I've done it from scratch a few times, then I'll lose touch again because I don't pick up the phone.

I'm sure you don't live in a vacuum, look around you, invite one of your work collegues for lunch. Join a salsa dance club. Join table for six (my very outgoing, socially competent work collegue does ths regulary ).

My personal thing was to go to little off-beat music gigs by myself. It was experimental so you don't feel conspicuously norman-no-mates. Adapt this idea for something you may be interested in. If you are a business professional there are now networking groups, whose purpose is to network mainly, but also socialise. Some people find net-working easier than straight small-talk socialising. Its the idea of people having a purpose to be together that is comforting.

Good luck!

Guest · Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 1:47 am Post subject:

I avoid social events because of my lack of social skills. I imagine myself getting to know someone, and then when they start asking questions about my personal life (friends, girlfriends) I would either have to make something up or tell them that I have no friends whatsoever. I think the only way I could feel comfortable with someone is if they were in my shoes and knew what it was like to be lonely, etc. Except I'm a senior in college, and everyone already has friends, they made most of their friends the first and second year of college. Aardvark, I agree with your comment that having a pretext to socialize makes it much easier that straight out socializing. Thanks for the comments everyone, I'll try the suggestions out.

Jess333 · Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 4:09 am Post subject:

Hey there,

Check out my post and tell me if you can relate to it, the title is " b MY STORY b. (i tried to bold the title and somehow lowercase b's got thrown in there Smile

)It sounds like you really have a firm grip on your life, but have some mild to moderate self-esteem issues.

Email me anytime to talk, or im on msn s_j_fernandes@hotmail.com (MSN MESSENGER)

and jessicae@pdx.edu

richkid · Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 6:27 pm Post subject:

A soon as the anxiety feels like its taking over your life you kow you got SA. However whether you have SA or shyness you still can do something about it. SAD is merely a label for the meds to classify the extremity of the condition. My advice is learn as much aspossible about SAD employthings people suggest that work for you,don't try to be someone you not. THe most confident people are the ones who acknowledge their strengths and accept there weakness. NO one is better than you, they are just different and you don't have to be better than anyne else.

You all know this, keep your chin up.
One step at a time
FACE YOUR FEAR!
I don't need to go on, you know all of this. Believe it! Rolling Eyes