i need a friend-my story

eran · Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2004 10:03 am Post subject: i need a friend-my story

hey im a 25 yr old fun,intelligent man trapped in a socialphobic shell!

I could go on for pages and pages about my life or lack of it but let me give you it brieflly.

I am an only child of a single mother,im mixed race and was always the fun happy go lucky kid at school until around the age of 14 i started becoming nervous and shy of situations for no apparant reason whatsoever!

At 16 i managed to get into a proffesional football youth team but unfortunatlely the dressing room banter was too much and after turning up to team sessions and meetings half drunk(so i could get through them!) my performance obviously went downhill and i eventually quit.

3 years later i got into uni and hoped to start again,i lived in halls and made friends early,mainly due to the freshers events were we were all pissed but unfortunatley you cant be pissed all the time and i eventually became a loner,never leaving my room unless i had drank a fewe cans to ease the anxiety,i heard whispers from people saying i was an alchy,which i suppose in a way was true.

As usual i quit,got through many part time jobs getting heavily into debt with my bank,loan companies and credit cards,also i was evicted from my flat foir failure of payments,due to me not working consistently,due to the anxiety caused by social phobia!God knows how many court hearings i must have but hey its too late now!

ive been homeless ever since,relying on my mother(who doesnt know i have sa and thinks i still live in my flat but need money help)

Im still battling the daily suicide thoughts daily but fior anyone who thinks they have it bad,think of me!Im here now using the citys library computers where i spend the majority of my day,before it closes and then i go off and wander through the night eventually sleeping in a park behind my old flat.

10 years ago i was looking at a career as a proffesional footballer,now all i want is a friend.

thanx for listening

wayne

JWH · Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2004 10:30 am Post subject:

What a sad story. Can't you talk to your mother? I'm sure there is no harm in asking for help from a family member. I'm still living at home at 21 as are a lot of my peers. The only difference is that I have never worked, while everyone else has been working since their teens and are now planning their trips overseas.

What are the symptoms of your Social Phobia exactly? You seem to be able to start things which is more than I can do.

Guest · Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2004 7:54 pm Post subject:

Por si entiendes español, te digo que yo tengo 24 años y me ha ocurrido casi todo lo que a ti te ocurrio, y no estoy mejorando nada, creo que me suicidare.
Yo comprendo cuan duro ha sido todo lo que tu has vivido ya que yo también lo he vivido, y deseo que te mejores y seas feliz. Y si pudiera seria tu amigo. Adios, Alexander.

Guest · Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2004 5:26 am Post subject:

Spaniard of you understand of if By, I have of I that of I say of you 24 years AND me oh all of almost of occurred here that an ocurrio of you of you, AND nothing to improve of I am, that of I believe I killed me. Hard of how of I understand of I oh all of been here your that has also of I of that of already of lived here he lived, happy better than seas of of you of that of desire AND Y. Friend of your of serious of was able of if Y. Good-bye, Alexander. Confused

Su26 · Guest

Hi Wayne
Your story really touched me, i think you really need to talk to your mother, she seems the only steady, consistent thing going on in your life at the moment. have you tried any of the ssri's or tried to see a counsellor... I haven't myself taken any medication, yet!! but have seen various counsellors and will try keep it up, but its so fucking hard to move my ass to even get there... I've spent my whole life going through the motions and putting up with the fear and anxiety and pain of what I thought was just me being a weirdo and now I realise whats what, that my sp is stopping me dead in my tracks with moving on, i'm in the same boat i was 10 years ago, living in a bubble... its a long one...
Good luck with everything...
Su26

MRnomates · Intermediate User Joined: Sep 26, 2004 Posts: 114

I was the same at that age about 16 the nerves just took the piss i had to get pissed to see my girlfriend

wistful_dementia · Intermediate User Joined: Sep 28, 2004 Posts: 173

Heya,

It sucks to hear about the situation that you are in. I was actually kicked out of my home when I was 18 and lived behind buildings for awhile. Of course because of my SAD, I had very few friends and no job at the time. And was too embarrassed to go and get help.... to make a long story shorter.. I eventually got help 2 years ago after my girlfriend broke up with me and I moved back in with my parents. Lot's of tension here at my home, but luckily my dad has calmed down some in his old age.

I am also in debt because of me trying to pay for school. But, I am not going to give up... I do see some hope and am making progress in school.

If your mother loves you then dont' be too proud, embarrassed or ashamed to talk with her. And, as hard as it maybe look for some sort of govnt assistance like therapy. At first it maybe hard but it will make your life better. If you ever want to talk then feel free to send an email.