Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 6:24 pm Post subject: What qualities men/guys like in their soulmate?
I was wondering what qualities men/guys like in their soulmate in that it's "enough" and you don't need more even though you could include the ideal. Ie. a quick highlight is I would love a soulmate that is caring/ sensitive, etc.
Last edited by jinxed on Wed Nov 19, 2008 11:53 pm; edited 44 times in total
Joined: Apr 25, 2005 Posts: 113 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:35 pm Post subject:
Hi. Well for me there are alot of qualities a female needs to have in order for me to want to spend my future with her. The 3 most important things for me are honesty, respect and faithfulness. Sadly, I'm quite experienced with females who didn't live up to those expectations and I've been messed around and hurt in my time. In my opinion those 3 qualities are crucial if you expect to have a long and happy relationship with someone. I also need her to be understanding, reasonable, not too confrontational and agressive, non-controlling, commited, open minded. I also prefer shy girls
I think it depends a lot from the type of guy. A few guys of course will value beauty more than anything else, but I don't think they are a majority. A lot of them, especially when considering the prospect of a long relationship, will instinctively prefer girls/women whom they feel they can somehow "control". A very outspoken, assertive, probably unfaithful person can make you fall in love badly, but in the long run one would feel sort of exausted, I think. Same for excessive criticism, or a tendency to sarcastic remarks. We need to feel that we are at least a bit admired.
It must be said at this point that males have an in-built biological drive for dreading unfaithfulness by their partner, while being happily unfaithful themselves. It is not only a matter of culture (obviously culture does matter as well, sweden is different from afghanistan), if you think of how evolution works and the way human beings reproduce it will seem rather self evident.
Note that I am NOT saying this is right or desiderable but I think that is the way things work.
As for the rest, I would personally feel much more attached to an intelligent person I can have a decent conversation with and with whom I share some views. In other words a person that could be a friend if she were not a partner.
To finally answer your question: if a girl was clever and interesting to talk to, and at the same time made me feel appreciated and loved, all of this whilst looking very faithful to me, then I would probably want to live all my life with her. Oh, and she has to be reasonably good looking of course, but it's not the most important thing.
_________________ I died and I reincarnated in myself again.
Joined: Apr 23, 2005 Posts: 982 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 6:53 pm Post subject:
With not having any relationships since i was at highschool, (im 20 now left 4 years ago).I guess i cant really say what i like in a good relationship that would last as i havnt much experience.
But honesty as someone as already said is definatley important, i cant stand people who say one thing to your face but say somthing different behind your back.Also people who play mind games... be manipulative are also people i would leave the hell alone.
Its hard to specify what i would like in a soulmate, i think sometimes people just click.. and part of the fun is finding out there personalaties.But if i had to list some qualaties that i find appealing they would be
- someone sweet/caring and affectionate,they dont have to be eco warrior care bears or anything,most people are caring and i guess being sweet is just somthing i would like and isnt mandatory.Some people have intamacy issues due to past events.. so i would understand that and again its not mandatory.
- it doesnt matter if they are intelligent or not, maybe thats because i messed school up and im not the sharpest tool in the box.But as long as we can comunicate well thats all that matters.
-im going to be honest, How someone look's does play a part for me to a certain extent.Its by far not the most important thing.They dont have to look like a model.. it doesnt matter that much.But say someone didnt keep themselves clean and were dirty... (i would understand if there was a reason for it,like they had severe depression) that would be unnapealing to me.
Sorry for rambling and i know i didnt actualy specify that may qualaties but i think there not that important and its the things that people would not be able to deal with or like which make's more of a difference.
It must be said at this point that males have an in-built biological drive for dreading unfaithfulness by their partner, while being happily unfaithful themselves.
Not all.
And there are exactly such females as well.
I can't tell who does it more, but I definitely can tell that there are people among both genders who do it, and I also can tell that not all males or females are the same.
Plus I don't think it has anything to do with 'built-in biological drives'.
It must be said at this point that males have an in-built biological drive for dreading unfaithfulness by their partner, while being happily unfaithful themselves.
Not all.
And there are exactly such females as well.
I can't tell who does it more, but I definitely can tell that there are people among both genders who do it, and I also can tell that not all males or females are the same.
Plus I don't think it has anything to do with 'built-in biological drives'.
Well, I knew some people wouldn't like this, because it looks like I am really cynical and bad, which I am not. I am just trying to have a scientific attitude, without any involvment of my personal feelings.
What can I say, yes of course a lot of girls can be unfaithful as well, but I think statistically men do tend to have a somewhat more pronounced tendency to look for occasional partners all the time (that is instinctively, I am not saying they actually do), even if they are truly in love with one person. On the other hand I think a girl who has found a very good partner whom she truly likes and loves will probably not feel too much desire to be unfaithful even if she has a chance to. Girls sometimes talk of not being able to find "Mr Right one". Would you want to cheat Mr right one if you could find him? Maybe this is completely wrong, but that is what I see around, at least where I live.
As for biological impulses, I think they do have a role in shaping our behaviour: a woman can have a potential maximum of maybe 10 or 12 children, while a man can have thousands, always potentially. So it seems reasonable to conclude that the first must have been provided, through evolutionary forces, with a strong drive to select their partners quite carefully, in order not to waste their 10 "chances". While men should probably have a tendency to find yes a single "permanent" partner to raise children with, but at the same time "sleep around" as much as possible. All of the above would explain, incidentally, why males with SA find it often so problematic to find a woman willing to engage in a relationship with them, and why they are extremely concerned about it.
You could argue that we don't have to follow these impulses blindly and that as intelligent beings we can choose how to behave. This is true, although biology often finds its way to the surface in subtle ways I think.
And finally, I know a lot of people in the United States reject evolutionary theory completely. I live in continental europe and I don't have much to say about that, actually I hope they are right because evolutionary theory is a very ugly one sometimes, but I am afraid it is also completely right.
_________________ I died and I reincarnated in myself again.
I would love a soulmate who's very caring/sensitive etc.., and they don't have to be good-looking and I wouldn't ever want to change even though another person was better looking or s.th. else like that b/c I already met them, know them, care about/love them and already happy who I'm w/.
Yea, that is what I want too..
Quixote wrote:
I think statistically men do tend to have a somewhat more pronounced tendency to look for occasional partners all the time (that is instinctively, I am not saying they actually do), even if they are truly in love with one person. On the other hand I think a girl who has found a very good partner whom she truly likes and loves will probably not feel too much desire to be unfaithful even if she has a chance to. Girls sometimes talk of not being able to find "Mr Right one". Would you want to cheat Mr right one if you could find him? Maybe this is completely wrong, but that is what I see around, at least where I live.
I disagree with your statistic.
Aside from your thesis being somewhat onesided because being unfaithful always involves two, which researches of the polygamy of women show as well, scientific is also that women keep looking for "Mr. Right One" instinctivelly even if they are already married. They always look for an even more perfect man, a potential partner. Therefore your theory that men tend to look more for occassional partners all the time is falsified. Women do it the same, although in other ways & for different reasons and they as well talk less about it than men. And the "Mr. Right One" sometimes might turn out to be not so-quite-right after some time, even if you find him.
This does not represent my opinion, it is just statistic you can read about.
Science and statistic also say that women are especially prone to be unfaithful in the middle of their thirties.
I really hate such statistic and overgeneralizations.
Quixote wrote:
As for biological impulses, I think they do have a role in shaping our behaviour: a woman can have a potential maximum of maybe 10 or 12 children, while a man can have thousands, always potentially. So it seems reasonable to conclude that the first must have been provided, through evolutionary forces, with a strong drive to select their partners quite carefully, in order not to waste their 10 "chances". While men should probably have a tendency to find yes a single "permanent" partner to raise children with, but at the same time "sleep around" as much as possible.
I certainly don't think so, but it would even explain why women always keep looking for the ideal man, thereby falsifying your statement that only men look for occassional partners.
Quixote wrote:
All of the above would explain, incidentally, why males with SA find it often so problematic to find a woman willing to engage in a relationship with them, and why they are extremely concerned about it.
Because they can't sleep around as much as possible?
I'd love to have someone like that.
I really most definitely don't agree with you.
I don't like this "women/men do this and that all the time" and "this explains why females/males with SA..."
But I won't write about it anymore since everyone most likely already hates me again for what I wrote so far.
I just don't like such stuff.
I get upset from reading these things.
The fact is you tend to read what I wrote in a wrong way, you probably think I am some some sort of backward person who has stereotyped and rather old fashioned ideas about men and women. I am really not.
If you read my post again you will see that I always talk about "general impulses" and I never wrote simplistic things like "all men do this and all women do that". Also I have read your objections and it really doesn't seem to me that they "falsify" my statements in any way. The facts you talk about are probably true but they are compatible with my statements I think. It is also possible that what I wrote was not very clear because the subject is complex and english is a learned language for me. I can write quite correctly but I miss the nuances of the language completely, so I probably sound a bit clumsy sometimes.
And I do think that women and men follow different patterns of behaviour in these matters, otherwise it would be inpossible to explain why the inability to find a partner is almost only a males' problem, I don't see a lot of ladies complaining that they have never had a boyfriend and being obsessed with it (there might be a few, okay, but not as many). Let's be honest, it is like this. And obviously there must be a biological reason for a different instinct, don't you think? Anyone who has an idea about what evolutionary theory implies should agree that most certainly the primary cause of this lies in the fact that women can only have a few children and therefore always focus their attention on the "quality" of their partner, avoiding "low quality" ones like those with SP for example. Men do it to a lesser extent.
Now if anyone disagrees it's okay I accept criticism but please, please do not oversimplify and try to understand what I wrote before you start.
In my country we like precision a lot
_________________ I died and I reincarnated in myself again.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
111 guests
32 members
Forum FAQ
Search
Profile
Private messages
Log in
and i know i didnt actualy specify that may qualaties but i think there not that important and its the things that people would not be able to deal with or like which make's more of a difference.
