I know being a virgin for girls is different than for guys...
But I (a girl) am a virgin and proud of it. Even if I didnt have SA i can most assuredly say I would choose to remain a virgin till I am married.
I would give the same suggestion for you, not only from my opinion. But in your situation, you should focus on being happy interenally...have a sense of peace with yourself. Dont think about the fact that you havent had sex. Who cares. Wouldnt you rather be happy in other areas when it all comes done to it? Dont you want to be able to do other things in your life that dont involve sex?
Once youve stablized your life in other areas, you can then begin to work on your other "goals." For me, these goals are to one day settle down, have a family, and have a husband who loves me for who i am. I can tell you that I am definitely looking forward to having sex, but I look forward to have it with some one who I share a connection with...and who better than my husband.
Thats my opinion, most of the population isnt going to agree with this judging from how sex is perceived in movies now, like its no big thing. But at any rate, whatever your "goal" is from all this. Find a peace of mind first. Only then can you begin to share a relationship with some one.
It is admirable that you are waiting for marriage. I’m sure you are on a path that will lead to happiness for yourself. It is different if virginity is a choice especially for women. You and I both no if you wanted to have sex you could walk up to all most any guy and he would take care of you. So there is no reason for you to worry about it.
You certainly are right about not focusing strictly on sex and finding what I want out of life. I’m working on those things at the same time that I’m working on figuring out women and dating. Part of what I want while dating is sex. Chances are I would not be alive if it wasn’t for the genetic code that tells me that I must pass my genes on to the next generation. I’ve tried to be patient long enough it’s time I face the fact that what I’ve been doing isn’t working and I must adapt. Putting sex aside when I’m out to find my life mate I want to be able to attract and have some choice in the matter of who my mate will be.
Reholla wrote:
oh yeah and another thing::
Juggernaut you said : "I'm scared to death I'm going to die a virgin."
If we all lived our lives worrying that we're going to die before something happens or we do something, that would be a horrible way to live!!
Dont live like youre about to to die anyday now! Enjoy things as they come. I know its not easy w/ anxiety, but youre creating more anxiety worrying about the whole sex thing.
I guess your right I should let things come to me naturally now that I know I’ve put myself back on to a path that will ultimately lead to a life of happiness. I’ve only known I have SA for the last month. I figured it out after trying for the last couple years to get over the depression that I’ve had most of my life. After I found SA to be the root cause of my depression I’ve now been able to focus on things that make a big difference in my life.
I know being a virgin for girls is different than for guys...
But I (a girl) am a virgin and proud of it. Even if I didnt have SA i can most assuredly say I would choose to remain a virgin till I am married.
I would give the same suggestion for you, not only from my opinion. But in your situation, you should focus on being happy interenally...have a sense of peace with yourself. Dont think about the fact that you havent had sex. Who cares. Wouldnt you rather be happy in other areas when it all comes done to it? Dont you want to be able to do other things in your life that dont involve sex?
Once youve stablized your life in other areas, you can then begin to work on your other "goals." For me, these goals are to one day settle down, have a family, and have a husband who loves me for who i am. I can tell you that I am definitely looking forward to having sex, but I look forward to have it with some one who I share a connection with...and who better than my husband.
Thats my opinion, most of the population isnt going to agree with this judging from how sex is perceived in movies now, like its no big thing. But at any rate, whatever your "goal" is from all this. Find a peace of mind first. Only then can you begin to share a relationship with some one.
Well I have read articles on happiness research. And a lot of them say that sex makes people happy. One article I read this week say that one cause of unhappiness is an emotional relationship without sex or a sexual relationship without emotion.
Another article quoted research that had women ranking what makes them happy and they put sex really high.
I can tell you from experience that sex is wonderful. I think it contributes to well-roundedness.
Sex is something that we are biologically programmed to want. Most of our other wants are culturally determined, like every goal that you have set for yourself and probably every goal that everyone sets for themselves.
I can also say that as proud as i am of what i have achieved so far in my life, and as much as I want to achieve other things such as financial stability, I am not going to wait until these things happen before I have sex because who knows how long it will take me.
Nothing wrong with wanting sex. We aren't all saving ourselves for marriage. All I know is the last time I was having sex regularly was when I was completing my undergrad degree. I felt really good about my self and my ability to achieve the goal of graduation. And I think that a reason I was able to focus was because I didn't have to worry about whether or not I was going to get any. And having gone for a long time since then without sex, I can tell you that wanting some has distracted me at times.
And I also think for those of you who are virgins, it is probably better to not know what you're missing, because it really sucks to have sex, and then go a long time without it, because you go through withdrawal.
Thats my opinion, most of the population isnt going to agree with this judging from how sex is perceived in movies now, like its no big thing.
The media can have it look like most of us sleep around so freely, etc but having known others in the real world it's not true, also there are celebrities who generalize such as 'Clay Aiken must be gay' and it's annoying.
Juggernaut wrote:
Wussy guys are always seeking approval from women ‑- paying for female attention, pandering to their every desire, acting as if a woman is doing them a favor by even talking to them. They are desperate for sex and terrified of rejection.
if they're looking for a meaningful relationship of course they will reject you.
Silentnoise wrote:
What you said about looking at other peoples flaws ect, is something ive done to overcome certain aspects of my SA. BUT ive found it can become a dangerous road to take.. if you start bashing people in your head or always looking for something bad about people to make you feel better about your self, you will; 1 never be satisfied with people and 2 ive noticed that the nit picking becomes worse. For a while i felt like i kept critizing people in my head and it became a really negitive problem.
Just my 10 cents
I don't think he meant bashing others badly and as much as you can, and trying to find all the bad things you could but only seeing that they have flaws too.
Quote:
It is different if virginity is a choice especially for women. You and I both no if you wanted to have sex you could walk up to all most any guy and he would take care of you. So there is no reason for you to worry about it.
That's not true, others don't generally do things w/ anyone that walks up, even men.
missfit wrote:
It looks like I have royally stuck my foot up my ass. Just to clarify, my interpretation of the word "nerd" is a good one--cute and quirky, different, on the fringes of society, etc. Some have taken offence and I am sorry, it was all in jest
I see, don't have to be sorry. I wasn't offended but clarifying.
cincykid wrote:
Well I have read articles on happiness research. And a lot of them say that sex makes people happy. One article I read this week say that one cause of unhappiness is an emotional relationship without sex or a sexual relationship without emotion.
Another article quoted research that had women ranking what makes them happy and they put sex really high..................
Usually it's sex and love that's great and even without it, other things can compensate that's even more fulfilling.
Last edited by jinxed on Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:48 pm; edited 63 times in total
All I’m trying to say is men who are not secure with them self will not feel worthy of a women’s attention. If he does not feel worthy he will feel like he has to justify himself to her. When he does that the women feels him trying to get something from her. Women are much better at reading and interpreting body language then men. Most likely this will all be unconscious.
She will feel uncomfortable or get the creeps and go running for the hills.
Juggernaut your description of the way a relationship starts and then fails is excellent. You identified the precise steps of the process. I think when girls say they might like shy people who never had sex they just forget to consider what this implies in terms of a man's self esteem and behaviour. Once they are actually confronted with the prospect of having a relation with such a person, they find it a completely unattractive idea, or even a repulsive one. They feel they are "giving themselves" to someone who doesn't deserve them and they feel "diminished" and maybe almost offended by this fact.
_________________ I died and I reincarnated in myself again.
I think when girls say they might like shy people who never had sex they just forget to consider what this implies in terms of a man's self esteem and behaviour. Once they are actually confronted with the prospect of having a relation with such a person, they find it a completely unattractive idea, or even a repulsive one. They feel they are "giving themselves" to someone who doesn't deserve them and they feel "diminished" and maybe almost offended by this fact.
There are women who were w/ their to-be husband and was their 1st and they're alright, of course later they'll have more self-confidence.
Last edited by jinxed on Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:30 am; edited 17 times in total
[quote="Juggernaut"] It is different if virginity is a choice especially for women.
Quote:
Who said you couldnt make it a CHOICE?
[quote="Juggernaut"]You and I both no if you wanted to have sex you could walk up to all most any guy and he would take care of you. So there is no reason for you to worry about it.
Hmm...thanks but no thanks. Youre talking to some one who has SA, so you should know this is not true. I only wish. Once anyone I dont know would try to come up to me I would freak out and tense up. Its my "natural" response now to anything unfamiliar.
So ya even though I could be worried about, what if I'll never have sex, what if I never find the "one" (which this is what Im most worried about) I dont let it affect me. As hard as it is to not worry about things with SA, this is the one thing I actually CHOOSE not to worry about. Because I know I cant behappy with anyone else, if Im not happy with myself first.
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