No-one Understands

Quarkz · Guest

My name is Kylie and I am 18 years old, currently residing on the Sunshine Coast, Australia. I only just found out about social phobia (That it is such a disorder and not just in my head) when I watched Oprah the other day and she had a segment on it. I have been researching it ever since and realised that I have quite a bad case of it.

Ever since I was 11 or so I started having a fear of meeting new people and going places, I never used to really have it and it has since got quite worse. Now, I can't answer a phone call or make a phone call scared of having to actually have a one on one conversation with someone. If I am made to or have a conversation with someone I don't know I will recite the entire conversation in my head for hours afterwards and think about everything I said and how I could have said it better. I criticise myself about even the smallest of things. I blush and get embarrassed when talking to people and I can't sign my name or eat when people are looking at me. I never went to parties in high school and while my friends were off getting drunk and having fun I was sitting at home crying because I didn't know why I felt so anxious about it. I only went to two parties during school and every minute was a battle not to spew on someone! The anxiety was very intense and after it was over I ran over everything I said and did in my head and what the other people thought of me, it was of course all negative which just made me not want to go to another party again. I lost a lot of friends because of it and ended up hating myself and everyone around me. No-one seemed to understand. I had to keep on lying to my friends to make up reasons why I couldn't go out. I still have to do it. If only they understood.

I can't go anywhere by myself or do anything. Even the simplest things such as going to buy milk or getting a haircut is a HUGE deal. I have to have someone with me or have a purpose. I can go pay the bills or buy some groceries if someone has told me to do it, I feel as thought I have a purpose but if I want to go to the store to buy something I simply can't. I feel as if everyone is looking at me. Of course to add insult to injury I ride a motorbike so a girl walking around the shopping centre carrying a huge helmet doesn't help. I don't just imagine it, people are actually staring at me which doesn't help at all and I have to leave. When I am by myself I feel completly relaxed but put me in a situation with people I don't know and I freeze. I hate it. I also have insomnia because of this phobia, I will lie awake for at least 3-4 hours per night thinking about everything I did that day and how many times I made an idiot of myself. I just can't seem to stop thinking. It's costant, I do commentary to people sitting on a parkbench as I walk past to what they are saying about me in their heads! My mind never stops with the negative prattle.

I have told my mum about "Social Phobia and Anxiety" and she just laughed it off. She doesn't understand and it makes me so angry at her and myself. Why can't she take it seriously? She just thinks I'm lazy and don't want to meet people or go places. I really want to get over it because I love to go out. I usually go out on my bike at 11pm or so just so I can go out and not have people around me on the road. I had a boyfriend and even though I tried really hard to go places with him (I had to meet his parents, I almost died) it didn't work out because of my phobia. He thought I didn't like him but it was because he was trying to make me go places and I didn't like it. When I said no he would get angry and thought that I didn't want to be seen in public with him. If only he understood.

I feel as if I am my own worst enemy. Im afraid of counselling because I feel it would be very embarassing to open up to a stranger and have a one on one talk with them, the one thing I am scared of! My mum won't let me go to the doctor anyway because she thinks its just bullshit so I can't get medication. This has ruined my life. The only reason I didn't go to university was because I was afraid of meeting new people and having to be in a classroom full of strangers. I just want to be like other people. They take it all for granted.

Sorry to ramble on but I'm just letting it all out. I have been so angry for so many years. I'm just glad there are people out there that understand. I'd love to hear your stories and ways you think I could get some of my friends and family to understand this isn't a joke. Would love for you guys to sign my tagboard and tell me your situations: www.sadly-beautiful.com

Thanks,
Kylie Very Happy

shep · Posted: Thu Nov 11, 2004 1:37 am Post subject:

Have you given any thought to showing your mother and your boyfriend this site? Unless they read or see something "official" regarding this condition, they may not have the chance to understand or to at least see that this is a real problem. I believe everyone here can relate to what you say and the feelings you express. Welcome to this site and I hope you find some help here.

Tris · Posted: Thu Nov 11, 2004 4:34 am Post subject:

Just wanted to say hi and that i feel you. it really sucks that alot of people dont understand, i told a couple of my friends and of course my mom. My mom thinks im just shy and will grow out of it and im sure thats what your mother thinks too. most of my family think im gay because im 20 and have never had a boyfriend (nothing wrong with being gay, im just not) i was reading your post and you said something about getting a hair cut, ive never gone to get a haircut at a salon or anything i make my mom do it. Maybe you should print out the symtoms of SP and highlight the ones that apply to you, show your mother and see what she says, tell her you just want to ask your doctor see what they think.
I work at a telephone answering service, i blush all the time when im talking to people and they are not even face to face with me. I blush for no reason sometimes and i think thats one of my biggest problems.
I never went to parties in school, i even droped out because of it, big mistake! but yeah i think you should def make a list, make her know your serious, you need help and need her to atleast try to understand.
Hope everything goes well...Luck!

_________________
Tris

Quarkz · Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 4:37 am Post subject:

Well I finally got my mum to understand. She is actually taking it seriously now. She wants to start me on herbal remedys before I go onto drugs or therapy. I'm on some crap (for real, it nearly makes you vomit) called 'Valerian' I have to take it 3 times a day, I feel much more calmer but I don't think it's going to help with the social anxiety. Wish me luck people.

FruitLooPs · Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 12:12 pm Post subject:

Sorry maybe slightly off topic, but on the whole herbal remedys I found that St John's Wort helped quite alot when I got depressed over my SP and during stressful times etc. I don't think it really relieves anxiety itself though.

As for going to see somebody about it, I was pretty worried about it but personally I found it easier to tell someone I didn't know about my problems. Although my family were always supportive which I'm very thankful of.

Good to hear your mum is taking it seriously now, always a good thing Very Happy

Guest · Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 12:54 pm Post subject:

I have given up expecting people to understand instead I try to educate them. I only do this with those who seem to really want to help me I am not sure we should expect others to understand often I cannot understand SP myself so how is a none suffer supposed to? All the same if you have real friends they will have a interest in your welfare. I gave up on my family a long time ago its easier to just avoid them as much as possible.

Sempfy · Posted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 4:46 am Post subject:

You jes summed up my life. Especially the party thing and the "trying not to spew", I only went to 2 or 3 parties an high school aswell, none since then. I haven't told my parents about this yet, I'm still tossing up whether I should or not, coz I know they won't understand and probably jes tell me something like "it's coz you sit in your room all the time" blah blah, which I don't need right now. I found a really great website that explains SP in pretty good detail, so I think I'm jes gonna direct them to that and see what they say. Like I said in my own thread, I've finally worked up the courage to get help, after many many years of putting up with this. Been seeing a psych for 3 weeks now. It was so relieving to find that I wasn't the only one who felt like this, at least I don't feel so alone now Smile

.

megt · Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2005 9:09 am Post subject: agreed

I am with semfy. You summed up my whole life. I too only went to 2 parties last year, my Year 12 year. And boy was I ostracised for it. It obviously caused my friends great aggrevation. New Years was a challenge, everyone looking at you, scrutinising you.

My Mum doesn't understand I believe because it's an inconvenience to her, she dismisses any discussion as my negative attitude. I have battled with the SP for a long time, and my Dad being a cleaner, for me, makes it 10 times worse and I just know people look down on me because of it.

Going shopping is also a painful experience, especially living in a town, everyone knows who you are. Getting a haircut is so uncomfortable, the hairdresser ask questions about me which is excruciating as I have to reveal my boring life.

I too do not go walking/riding until it's dark! I'm not alone!

I'm glad you shared your story quarkz.

I'd glad to add anyone in a similar situation on MSN.

Horatio · Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2005 1:32 am Post subject: Re: agreed

cody2468 · Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2005 2:25 am Post subject:

You sound alot like me, I'm glad that your mother is taking you seriously now, alot of people don't realise that there is such a thing as social anxiety but if you need to show her all the symptons of SA. I jave nearly al of them.

Me personally I am not on medication, it's just a personal choice I don't like medication for any reason at all even when I'm sick. All it does is helps ease the anxiety and makes coping with the anxiety abit easier but it wont help you to overcome the anxiety completly. The only way to do that is to change yourself one little step at a time.

As you have mentioned you have got very low self esteem and alot of negative thinking which is normal when you have got SA. Thats one of the first things you need to start working on, beating the negative thinking is a big challenge in itself as it is really hard to stop. I used to go to bed really tired but couldn't sleep as my mind was going non stop about how I said something and felt really embarrassed or that I had done something wrong. I used to always replay things over in my mind or even practice what I was going to say the next day, only to find out that I was just wasting my time as things don't work out the way you think they will.

I tried counselling last year and am planning on going back this year as I have lost 23 years to this SA and its time to get my life back. At first (the first one or two times) I felt very uncomfortable admitting to another person that I have got a mental illness and that I am not coping with life, but once I realised that they were there to help me I felt better. I couldn't even bring myself to tell them that I had no friends and never had a boyfriend, this question was asked and I tried to avoid it as I thought he was going to think that I was strange or something.

I used to have severe depression as well but I found a support group for that which I found to be very helpful, I can manage my depression now but am thinking on going back to that group again as I can use it to help me with my SA, especially as they have socail functions each month which is something I need alot of help with.

Also as you are 18 you are able to find your own Dr if your mum wont let you go, after all it is your life and it's better if you can get help now while you are still young than waste alot of time like I have.

Good luck, hope you get the help you need