its just an experience, ill just sit back and enjoy it,
my current thinking is that that is the most consistent route to 'happiness'.
i try to open myself fully to every experience without judging it as good or bad. i find that i get more out of life this way.....i just get into the..feeling...and...see where it takes me...it helps me to get the most out of what i DO have instead of spending energy dwelling on the things i dont have.
*danger - long rambling post alert*
I haven't posted here in a while. DO NOT buy Oblivion IV! (video game if ya don't know), but I really agree with you about that 'route' to happiness, worrydoll.
If you think about it, you'll see that 'reality' is just what it is. No good or bad, attractive or ugly, tall or short exist. There is just what is. It isn't until things get processed by our minds that things 'get meaning', that we start to judge things, based on the ideas in our head. In reality there's nothing to fear! We all invented this crap ourselves. Our fears are not 'real'.
Yesterday I reread a few chapters of this book, Thich Nhat Hanh says in the end of one chapter: "Freedom is above all else freedom from our own notions and concepts. If we get caught in our notions and concepts, we can make ourselves suffer and we can also make those we love suffer."
In that chapter he talks about a story that the Buddha told, concerning ideas and notions. It's about a tradesman who comes home one day and sees that his house has been robbed and burned by bandits. Outside his house he finds a charred body, and assumes that this is his son.
His son was his reason to live and the young tradesman is besides himself with grief. He carries the bag with his son's ashes with him day and night, whether he was working or resting.
One night his son (who still lives), escapes from the bandits who held him captured and knocks excitedly on the door at two o'clock in the morning. The father asks who's there, as he's still weeping, holding the bag of ashes. His son answers: "It's me, your son!"
The tradesman then says that he cannot be his son, because his son died three months ago. His son keeps knocking and crying, but the man doesn't open, because he holds firm to the notion that his son is dead. Finally, the boy leaves and the father loses his son forever.
After thinking about this, I realized that I have been like the father in this story many times. With SP we have all these beliefs, that it will be terrible if people dislike us, or that we don't look or are not good enough, and others, which cause fear when we are around people. Once I was at some kind of party, at a girl's house, and I loved this girl and this girl had said that she loved me too. She was the reason I was there. (she was actually amazingly beautiful, seriously)
Then after a while, I sat on the couch, and she lay on my lap. She did everything to get my attention, she obviously wanted me. (Reality, happiness, were knocking on my door) But I was so afraid, because of my silly beliefs, that I could not enjoy the moment, and that I was too afraid to do anything. (I kept the door closed and held on to my beliefs, in stead of enjoying reality.)
I've never actually told anyone about this situation. I did nothing, I barely spoke, and she thought that I didn't like her because of that. She was angry for months after that.
Err... so anyway, all you have to do to lose social phobia, is to realize that it is caused by beliefs: if this or that happened it would be terrible. These beliefs are not real, but they are made up by your mind. When you are fearing something in a social situation, it is not an actual event that you fear, it is the *terrible* that you fear. Because you believe that something terrible may happen, you fear this terrible something. It is not real, it is an imagined feeling. If you realize that that which you fear, this terribleness, exists only in your mind - it's imaginary - and that it can not ever happen in reality, you'll lose your fear. In reality there is nothing to fear. Both the fear and the feared are inside ourselves.
That's what I think about it now anyway. It's probably very abstract for people who don't live inside my mind, but I'm this close [--] to losing all my social anxiety.
socratic and worrydoll,
those last two posts describe exactly what I've learned in the past few weeks. It's all so true.
I said before that I was close to losing my SA. I've now lost my fear. I mean... I still have these 'beliefs' that caused the fear, but the fear itself is missing!
How? I have thought about my fear for many, many hours. I would go to bed at 12.30 in the night, and still be awake at 4.30 in the morning thinking hard.
The way I did it was, first of all, realizing that a) this can be overcome and b) it's very important that I overcome it so I have to work hard on it.
Then try to TOTALLY understand what your fear is. When you know it, not intellectually, but actually know it, (Like what socratic says) then you can't fear anymore.
I would start by just thinking... Why do I have fear? What is fear? Do I need fear? What do I fear? When you really put your mind to this, you will have an answer sooner or later.
You should try to always be aware of your fear. When I thought about my fear, I always liked my fear to be present so I could test it and watch it. When you feel anxious, immediately be aware of it, and start asking yourself questions. All problems are created by the mind, and all problems can be solved by the mind. You just have to ask yourself the right questions ("Why can't I ever do anything right" -> wrong, "How could I overcome my fears?" -> right). The answers to those questions will lead to more questions, until there's no more questions to ask.
So how did I finally overcome it? I had been thinking about it for a while, and I didn't really fear things outside of me, but there was still a strong feeling of anxiety in me. For me, this was mostly in my neck. Like a tension. Then one night I was lying in bed, thinking again, feeling this anxiety. Then, suddenly, I was completely aware of this tension in my neck and I thought: "This is not anxiety. This is simply an unpleasant feeling in my body." The moment I realized this, it was as if my thoughts were detached from my body, and I couldn't fear anymore. I could clearly see: There is the concept of the feared in my mind, there is the unpleasant feeling in the body, but the fear is an illusion. The fear only exists when the feared is mistaken for real, by attaching itself to the body.
If you guys just keep thinking about all the stuff you're thinking about, you'll definately overcome social anxiety.
this is so very true! thats what im doing lately, turning tables on my negative thoughts, and feel ill completely overcome sp sooner or later, its incredible, ive had it for all my life and thought ill always have it, but now im simply getting rid of those stupid thoughts and beliefs and becoming more and more confident! yessss
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(video game if ya don't know), but I really agree with you about that 'route' to happiness, worrydoll.
It's all so true.
