I think I should kil m_yself, I feel so upset bout everything..Ive just met friends and Im starting to lose them ,cos few of them are too cute and Im afraid to tell them bout my problem, so I start tro avoid them for not to dissapoint ,others just think I use them cos Im too cute ..haha....thats silly and its not true, the yjust dont wanna meet me and stuff...I feel so bad(((((((((((((((((((999999 They all look for girlfriends, and I need a friend and if I dont show that Id like to date them they dont see the point of being with me((((((((((((((((9
anyway. Im just pointless and I have too many probs and I dont have talents or whatever ,I better do something with myself really Will choose a date and the way ,pills probably. I also have enough money so that my parents will ahve less probs with all this mess I will do
heh sounds emo or childish but I really feel so bad now and Im jsut too tired of being optimisting and fighting
Joined: Feb 02, 2005 Posts: 930 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:25 pm Post subject:
Alina, just take a step back from your life and think about it, ok so what if you do go ahead with the pills and you may be un lucky that they dont kill you but instead could fuck you up for life with all sorts of medical problems. I have been in your situation a few times and today as i sit here writing this iam glad i never did anything like it. Things do change unexpectidly.
Just think about the reasons why you want to do it, and take them one by one and look at them and think if its a valid enough reason, also dont forget the mess you may leave behind, your parents living in regret that you never gave them the chance to help you.
Joined: Nov 23, 2004 Posts: 1506 Location: Manchester UK
Posted: Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:29 pm Post subject:
Alina wrote:
what the heck with the word ' k i l l ' ????? why I have * * * on it's place??
its the word filter on here, the webmaster dosnt allow suicide words or posts but I totally ignore that, he can edit and remove them himself as I think people have the right to reach out when they feel so desperate and in pain.
Not sure what to say to your post as I'm hopeless and think I sound patronising when dealing with such awful depression, I just hope you increase your circle of freinds and find ones of value like I have barely managed to do. If they just want to be your freind because they think you might "put out" then they arnt freinds atall, I'd look elsewhere, this place certainly for me has been a great place to make friends who care, if someone takes your eye as someone you would click with, reach out and say hello, most people I have chatted to here are more than freindly
Main reasons for this first of all are:
-HH, that I try to hide, but I cant hide it forever and when ppl actually find out bout it I start to avoid them cos I find it really embarassing
-SA. I get scared of new places and new ppl I meet, but I dont care bout this too much, the main thing that bothers is that I get scared of those who I really like. Im always too nerveous with them ,I can start thinking how I talk,how I breathe ,how I blink, how mouth moves ,how I eat etc haha damn panic attacks. Sometimes it doesnt happen, thank god..but still it happens and again its embarassing.
I cant even have any close relationship with guys cos I think Im too bad for them, and cos it all leads to avoidance anyway. And I fall in love quite quickly and quite deeply and I have to suffer everytime it happens lol
also sometimes I make plans bout future that help me to be in good mood then I realise that with those ppl I wanted to do this it wont be possible and its not actually their fault I really feel like there's no reason to live lol
Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 8:14 am Post subject: plz dont!
ive felt exactly like you!!have you got any hobbies or anything?or a job???i have SP very bad where i cant even leave the house alone i dont work i dont do alot 2 b honest!but theres always hope youve got 2 keep fighting plz dont give up!!!
I wanna change something but sometimes I feel like nothing can be done..Id like to meet ppl who're in the same situation like me ,but those who are are also so depressed they dont wanna meet
Ive got hobbies yeah=))I like music a lot, before I was trying to play guitar and drums but then decied Im shit at it and stopped, well I still play sometimes, but you know its just few chords. I also write stupid poems and songs=)) when Im really depressed it helps in some way.
Im studying in one college - Audio-media, last year it was a nightmare now its better ,but I skip lots of lessons, if it wasnt this college I would deff be kicked of, but here as I do everything in time Ill finish it earlier hehe And Im doing bookkeeping - home learning direct..Im workin on Sat and Sunday ,helping in the kitchen...But it all doesnt make me feel better, I really would like to have some ppl near me who know bout all my probs..otherwise I feel pointless, I wanna help ppl with the same probs like me as well cos I know its great if there's someone who can understand..and if Im just living like this I find it meaningless. I love those who are with me now but I odnt think it will last long cos they dont know everything bout me and Ill be too ashamed to tell, and specially if they notice themselves Ill be really embarassed and will start to avoid.
Joined: Dec 23, 2005 Posts: 110 Location: Melbourne~Australia
Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 10:18 am Post subject:
Please dont give up! If u want to meet people with sa, why dont you try & find a support group or something? It mite help. You should also try & speak to your parents about this. I know how hard it is for you and just hope you try and get the help & support you need.
I meet ppl from forums=))) They are great, but really they dont seem like they've got probs at all and I like them so much that Im afraid will start avoiding them And they dont know bout HH thing.. Would like to meet guys from this forum though
Cant talk to my parents bout this cos it started cos of them first of all and they're just laughing saying I make it up
anyway Ill give up only if there is no opportunities left, will try to make friends here first=)
Joined: Jul 07, 2005 Posts: 922 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 10:59 am Post subject:
It's really good that you're gonna try making friends here first before doing anything drastic. Some of the people I've met on here have really helped me, and I feel so much better than I did when I first started using this forum.
If you fancy a chat or anything feel free to message me. We've got this thread here http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt1267.html with people's msn and yahoo addresses on it, maybe you could contact some people on there?
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Please dont give up! If u want to meet people with sa, why dont you try & find a support group or something? It mite help. You should also try & speak to your parents about this. I know how hard it is for you and just hope you try and get the help & support you need. 
