self-mutilation!

forgetit · Newbie User Joined: Apr 20, 2006 Posts: 33

To me it was a way of finding some release from the emotional pain I felt at the time.

While I was cutting my body, I was punishing myself for not being able to cope with social situations. I felt inferior and unworthy. I had to be punished because it was my fault to be like that. There was too much self-hatred and guilt.
Suicide was daily thought.

Of course, a good dosage of self-love and self-understanding can help more than that.

Danfalc · Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:02 am Post subject:

*gone*

forgetit · Newbie User Joined: Apr 20, 2006 Posts: 33

Yes Violet, I do not cut myself anymore. It seems we need always to find something to help us escape the pain, to cover our problems. Drinking, smoking, cutting oneself, compulsive shopping, watching TV, even sex and relationships are sometimes ways of attaining that purpose – to forget.

One can go on living this way until death comes, or one can try (through will power, sacrifice, self-loving and understanding) to overcome these boundaries and face the fu—ing fears.

But, of course, is much easier to talk than to do. I sometimes succeed . . . sometimes don’t. That’s life. Wink

Guest · Posted: Tue May 02, 2006 2:01 pm Post subject:

I wasnt the same as how others i have spoken to cut.
I used to have evil thoughts to harm myself.
I followed them through under the influence of alcohol
but sober im in control
also
when i did what i did.....i felt no pain ....i was numb
so...i have no clue why i did it
I havnt told my doc most the stuff i have done to myself becuase i fear i will be put somewhere for my own safety

I am better now though.......when i dont drink

socratic · Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 12:08 am Post subject:

_________________
You are not your mind

jojosparkles · Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 12:40 am Post subject:

i dont cut myself..but i started off binge drinking..got in terrible states..showed myself up...then i started takin cocaine...then after i took cocktails of speed..asprin..caffeine..dieuretics and laxatives and basically anythin else aswell

i was at my worst when i would drink straight vodka and absinthe..snort coke..take speed and all the rest of the crap. my body was fucked!

then i wouldnt eat..binge...take pills..chew food and spit it out..make myself sick

i abused my body that way instead..with drugs and alcohol. i dont have physical scars but some of my teeth rotted..my periods stopped and i have constant stomach problems cos my body didnt kno wat on earth was going on. i prob have more serious damage but a dont want to think bout that.

i also can relate to the sleeping around part...i did that and wasnt careful alot of the time. as shameful as it is Embarassed

....i ended up catchin clamydia and i kno that this can make a woman infertile and i wont kno until i try for kiddies. i also got that pissed and out of it on drink and booze i ended up gettin raped. it was my own stupid fault really.

i noe kno that i need to treat my body better..abusin myself just ends up startin a viscious circle and at the time it is the easy option but in the long run it makes things a whole lot worse!

crazyfairyx · Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 1:13 am Post subject:

Septor · Elite User Joined: Dec 15, 2005 Posts: 1033

Your a brave women jojosparkles. Very Happy

socratic · Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 10:54 am Post subject:

_________________
You are not your mind

jojosparkles · Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 1:20 pm Post subject:

thanks guys...i was in two minds whether to write about it cos hardly anyone knows about it and it was a few years ago now but i kno everyone else has had tough times and choose to share it so i thought i would in case anyone could relate to it Smile

ppl have been thru alot worse and im quite lucky really!!

i wouldnt report the lad to the police..i couldnt deal with the hassle and i kno i prob wouldnt stand a chance because i was that intoxicated. i dont hold any bitterness anymore..that has passed. i have learnt from it and i kno that i need to look after myself and keep myself safe! Wink