Men with social anxiety are dangerous

wistful_dementia · Intermediate User Joined: Sep 28, 2004 Posts: 173

I have to go now-- but I will respond to the rest of smokey's and strippers post later. Now for your reading pleasure Shocked

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Guest

(Isn't it funny how each of these posts reveals that we can really only feel our own pain, and not the pain of others so close to us -- like the other gender? Perhaps this is the root of this thing we call "social anxiety." We are driven by fear and not by love.)

In reality does love drive everything? What is your definition of love? I think what drives everything is are motives of self interest. Even if we tell ourselves that what we are doing isn’t for ourselves but for others don’t we have some self interests there like personal gratification for seeing someone else happy? We only should abstain from acts that don’t benefit ourselves directly or indirectly or if they cause harm on others (which indirectly would cause harm on ourselves). When we help others we are helping ourselves. There is nothing wrong with that. Love is beneficial, but doesn’t solve all of the world’s problems in itself. Only good reasoning can make the world a better place.

smoky
Guest

Men are naturally more aggressive, and they didn't become so because they watched too much big time wrestling. Yes, because of testosterone men are naturally more aggressive. Seeing how testosterone levels vary, the behavior of men is going to vary. You therefore are over generalizing. It is more accurate to say that most men are naturally more aggressive. Does this mean that we have to follow every aggressive impulse that we think is natural? Of course not. Most people that have a brain can control their aggressive emotions and impulses to a large degree. The human brain’s ability to reason and control harmful emotions are adaptations which are much more important in terms of survival and achievement in the modern age. So hence, machismo isn’t as relevant in today’s world. But with that said, if you feel that machismo is a requirement then go right ahead and do that just try to use your brain and avoid unjustly hurting other people. (except for the over-socialized, timid, simpering "men" with social anxiety) I assume that you mean that we are over-socialized in that we care too much about what is best for society and not enough about ourselves, hence we are selfish, egotistical people. Or was it, we care too much about ourselves and don’t love other people enough? Your argument doesn’t add up. Like I said before whether we want to admit it or not everyone acts out of self-motivations, only if they harm others or are bad for the greater good is acting out of self-interest wrong. But, I do agree that for most people it would be a major inconvenience to always consider what the greater good is. So at least try to balance your needs and others and at least try not to unjustly hurt other people. ‘Simpering’… ouch  not all of us are simpering all the time… but there are worse things to be regardless…such as a murderer, rapist, or an aggressive non-thinking person.

If we want to drum their aggressive, heterosexual impulses out of them, we will never be truly affective, and we will just warp them into becoming the over-socialized, insecure, timid "men" that populate this board.

How do you jump to the conclusion that you can not be reasonable or respectful to women and not be heterosexual? (See above for the answers to the rest of your sentence).

The trick is to make space for these male qualities -- the aggressiveness, the active sex drive, the adventurous spirit.. They would rather try to brainwash and emasculate men, and turn us all into simpering fools.

The trick is for women to ‘make space’ for men’s needs and natural ‘instincts’, and for men to make space for women’ s needs otherwise we become purely egotistical and nothing good results except for disharmony. And this, many feminists and people who decry rape seem unwilling to do... decry rape? As if that is a bad thing? They have all the reason in the world to do so. I’ll agree we are more aggressive, we have a higher sex drive, and an adventurous spirit but those can be placed in proper perspective…. We don’t have to be physically aggressive all the time (violent anytime unless in self-defense)… common sense tells you that… sex drive---- it’s natural, sex itself isn’t bad and we shouldn’t limit ourselves with willing partners who possess a similar sex drive, but sex drive isn’t an excuse for rape or to stop using our brains; the only people who would use this as an excuse are lower-functioning men who don’t have the ability to control their impulses and aggressiveness.

Society in general relies on these aspects of men -- aggressive, testosterone-charged men are our fire-fighters, oil explorers, police officers, prison guards, astronauts.

Of course society does. Who says that requiring a man to think and be a good person is suddenly going to zap all his testosterone and ‘manliness’ away? But a bigger (and some would argue more important aspect of) society relies on reason and emotions- judges, artist, philosophers, scholars, technicians, and leaders. This is something that is important regardless of testosterone. And man or woman is capable of these.

And, authentically feminine women like at men like these who are authentically masculine and like what they see. I know TONS of women who like their men to be aggressive and bold. These women are themselves extremely confident with their sexuality and femininity, and see men as this desired counterpart. When they see a polite, inhibited, simpering, timid "man" -- it's a huge turn-off. From an evolutionary perspective most women want a man who can be a provider or who has a status. Today now that women can provide more and more for themselves w/o a man, they are looking for true friends as well as lovers, I think. Seeing how the needs of the world are evolving- wisdom and knowledge are much more important traits than aggressiveness. Therefore us timid ‘men’ will continue to get more and more women than aggressive men like yourself. (Really, I know tons and tons of men who aren't over'masculinized' that get tons and tons of women). And you will continue to blame ‘feminist’ and ‘timid’ men for all of your problems in a world that in your view is not following natural law- when in reality evolving and adapting is natural law. I think your problem is that you basically desire liberation from constraint which is coming from your paranoid view of feminist culture. We all within reason want liberation from our constraints- especially from those that we deem unnecessary or even harmful. But the problem is you consider a complete embrace of neo-conservativism and conformity to be the answer. I myself believe that a complete unthinking embrace of either side is dangerous in that it encourages us to avoid challenging our preconceived notions and inherently wrong doctrines. We should examine all issues weighing the benefits and harms from all perspectives. You can still do that and be masculine, if masculinity is what gives you a sense of security.

I think you are confusing assertiveness and confidence with agressiveness and masculinity. Both men and women alike can be assertive or confindent.

Guest · Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 6:25 pm Post subject:

Just wanted to post a reply - I agree totally with the last post - I mean yes there probably are some perceived similarities between men with SP and rapists etc that their loners, but the men with SP are not loners by choice they have a phobia about being with other people but not necessarily hate them because of their phobia. Rapists have social issues, and yes probably personality disorders that have nothing to do with SP. Its all to do with the way they've been brought up and the influences on them as they were growing up. SP is - I think - mainly effected by societies values and how we perceive ourselves, and it can be caused by biological factors. Although SP and personality disorder/social issues are linked the later is more associated with anti-social behaviour not avoiding behaviour. When posting something as shocking as that it would have been better to weigh up your arguments 'for and against' instead of giving a one sided view. Its brought up some interesting issues though.

FullertonCA · Guest

Question, I am a graduate student and have been studying SP for many years. Never in my life have I read in the literature any sort of link between SP and dangerous or violent behavior. If you worked in an SP clinic, maybe you would realize the truth. SP's are scared people. The majority of them also fear physical violence. In addition, most SP's are highly empathetic, more so than your average person (without a disorder). SP's avoid causing pain to others because they are so familiar with the emotion themselves. It doesn't feel good. I wish the moderator would step into this. You: Male, 25-35, white, lonely, jealous, and unhappy. Your post is simple. If it makes you happy, go find another site for people with disorders and slander them. Just stay out of this one. Screw on a brain and you'll find that SP's actually commit less crimes than almost all other disorders. You just wasted 10 minutes of my life. Jerk-off