Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 1:38 am Post subject: Shyness: a living hell
I have been shy forever and I can never be completely happy because of it. I watch people around me and I feel like I could be awesome friends with them if I could just get over this shyness, but it seems like I can't! And it's so frustrating. Up until I was eight years old I was quite outgoing actually but then at school everyone was mean because of my race and then we had some difficult foster kids in our house that caused problems and all in all it resulted in me getting profoundly shy. It's so bad, guys have given up on me because I was so shy, but I didn't want to be, I hated it! People are friendly to me a lot, but I'm always too shy to return it. I want to them to know how much I appreciate them, but it seems like I can't. I just graduated from high school and I went to a better school for junior high and high school, but I feel like I'm wasting my life when this is a time you should be having fun. But I rarely talk to people on the phone, I don't have enemies, but I don't really have friends either. It's bad. Around my family I have no problem carrying on a conversation, joking around, etc. But I can't seem to bring that into a new situation. Then there was this guy that LOVED, but now it's too late because I could never be myself. I just can't seem to forget and get over the things that things that happened so long ago and learn to trust people.
Wow, you sound a lot like me, and unfortunately, I have nothing reallly positive to say. I know what you mean, especially when you talk about all the people you know you could be friends with, but can't. It is the most frustrating thing for me. I hear them all day and I know how good of friends we could be. But even when they try to talk to me, I can never just think of something to say in reply. Or, I am afraid other people will hear me and be really amazed that I spoke. The friends I have are really good and I am very close to them, but I know that I could have a lot of other good relationships too.
I hate thinking of all the people who see me as nothing, and treat me that way...it gets hard. I always think, yeah I know, most of the time I cannot even speak, so I almost am nothing. But what am I supposed to do about it? All I can do is go on being nothing around all of these people who think I'm nothing. And then the people I know I would get along well with, ignore me, thinking that's what I want. They don't kow that I would love to just relax and have fun with them.
It's also hard because it sometimes feels like I have no voice at all. When I do open my mouth, nothing comes out sounding right. It's not quiet, it's just wrong. Sometimes it takes me hours to even get a normal voice that would work if I could bring myself to use it. I can hardly even understand that, because as soon as I am home again or am around people I know, I can speak loudly, normally, and without any problem at all.
And most difficult of all, there was the liking people, or one person, for years and years and years, and knowing how well you would be able to get along with them- but never being able to just 'be myself'. It wasn't like I didn't try, I would just lock up. He tried to talk to me too, and he knew I liked him, but I guess I was just too nervous, and he noticed. And that's the hardest part. Especially graduating high school, and having something like that just end after such a long time.
So I guess all I can say is, I think I know a little how you feel, and it's hard and it sucks. I guess all we're supposed to do is to keep trying as hard as we can and hope things will improve, but it doensn't make it any easier to think that.
I know what you mean about the voice thing. My voice always goes up about an octave and sounds all sweet and I don't like it , not that there's anything wrong with having a high voice and being all sweet, but I'm just not really like that. It's weird because when I'm around people I'm comfortable with I try to do the sweet, high voice again and I can't do it. And graduating from high school was hard in a way because I went to a really small school where everyone knew each other and some people I loved, but I even went to school with some of them for 6 years and never was comfortable. Even that after that long, I still couldn't talk in a normal voice around them. So then at graduation it was pretty sad because I knew they didn't really know me, even after all that time, and probably wouldn't miss me at all. On the other hand, in high school I kind of had a reputation for being all shy and quiet, so at least in college it'll be bigger and I won't have that, so that'll be nice. As for the guy I liked, it's pretty bad because I just can't forget him, but I know I'll probably never see him again! Anyway thanks so much for replying.
Hmmm, yeah, it is kind of nice to graduate finally. I liked a lot of people in high school, but it was still hard. There were a lot of kids in my school, but I was in a program called IB, so there were only about 60 kids that I had classes with. One of the hardest things in everything is that everyone expects you to be quiet, so even when you can speak normally, you just can't because you feel like they will stop and listen in amazement. The idea of college is really comforting, I've improved slightly over time, and I'll finally be able to start over. I know that I will still be very quiet, but I might be able to open up a little more when people don't know to expect me to be quiet. I promise myself to try, but I accept that I'll be quiet. Some people have still liked me even being quiet. There are a few people out there who keep trying to talk to you, even if you can't answer at first, and those are the amazing people, even though they are few. And as for the guy I liked, it's so hard to talk about it. It's just hard...a few of my friends are friends with him, so I still have to hear about him some knowing I'll never see him again. I mostly do like that I won't see him again, because it makes things a little easier for now.
I was shy as a little kid, but I dont remember being unhappy at all....probably because I became actually outgoing, like the class favorite type later. Now that this anxiety has resurfaced, I would give anything to just be *shy* again...
But if you ARE just extremely shy and dont have anxiety issues, then just know that all those loud, apparently outgoing people out there, really arent better than you. You have just as a pleasant, wonderful personality they do. SO Share it! And outgoing people are actually insecure too, so don't think youre the only person. It helps to remind me, that maybe my personality could brighten some ones day just by sharing it. Exert all of what you have on the inside, outward towards other people. We aren't meant to keep everything bottled up, especially if you know its making you unhappy.
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