can't ask for support properly.

Panacea · Last edited by Panacea on Sat Jun 11, 2005 11:29 pm; edited 1 time in total

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-Jp · Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 3:41 pm Post subject:

i can imagine it's hard to find motications for something when you don't have a life that gives you reasons to do them. i used to have problems with it in the past, i still lack motivation in some areas where i realy would like to have the motivation for.
have you considered looking for a cbt group or 1 on 1? mabey you can motivate yourself by doing these things by viewing at it like it's a step to making yourself better. arange some things for yourself. undertake, just anything, something you like to do, to have something to look foward too. this has helped me.

it's striking how much sa combined with depression can influence your motivations and preformance in life. i for example when i was in school and lived without SA for 3 months and got high grades without too much trouble and i enjoyed school, then when i became sa again i couldn't learn from the teachers talking to the class anymore (anxiety instead of concentration) and it would take me far greater effort to do my homework and learn the information. in other words i have never finished school in contrast to what probably would have happened when i wouldn't have had sa ...dreaming of where i would have ended up if that period prolonged..

LilMissTragic · Expert User Joined: Sep 05, 2004 Posts: 803

Panacea, have you tried writing all your feelings down then letting your husband read it?.
I dont think your husband truly realises how bad these things affect you, I wouldn't blame him as a lot of people aren't as emotional as people with SP and seems like your suffering from depression too.
Its hard for us to talk to people about our SP especially to those we love as we expect negative responses. Once your hubby knows how you have been feeling then you can both figure out ways to help your situation.
Good luck Smile

Panacea · Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2004 5:25 pm Post subject:

Fredscarecrow · Advanced User Joined: Dec 11, 2004 Posts: 423

i agree with the getting ready earlier but as for the mirrioring and saying nasty comments..i dunno.
my boyfriend is an amazing guy..but sometimes ill be really negative about myself, list all my bad points..and he just cant seem to justify and kind of response to say im not like that. Also i know i take even the slightest thing as an insult, maybe shes the same? He might not have been intentionqlly insulting her, but like someone said we tend to be slightly more emotional.

Yossarian · Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2004 2:20 pm Post subject:

What you say is true Fredascare and I guess theres not enough info to say for sure. However there is a difference between not being able to come up with something positive to say and actively saying something nasty. We all say things we don't mean though sometimes but it is worrying when people blame themselves for people being nasty to them. It's not a healthy way to think. Everyone has ultimate responsibility for what they say and do. There is never a good excuse for being nasty to someone.

Anyway I hope you can find a way to talk to him Panacea, I think lilmiss's idea of a letter is a good one. I think its very important he should know and understand how you feel. As for being late, yeah get ready earlier.

I know what you say about the lack of morivation. I think that's the biggest obstacle for me. Not sure what to do though......anyway hope it works out well for you.

Panacea · Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2004 8:00 pm Post subject:

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Nightshade · Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2004 9:59 am Post subject:

Hi Panacea

I've been thinking about your post and feel like I want to say something in response, although whether it is any use is debatable.

I agree that writing something down to explain to your husband what you are feeling and what you need is a good idea. What I would do is have a couple of goes editing it until you have taken out as much of the subjective negative stuff and are basically sticking to the facts ("I am currently suffering from depression and this is having this effect" rather than "I feel so awful, like I am completely useless" for example). This would reduce the chances of this negative "mirroring". There are so many reasons he could be doing this, for example because this is what he believes to be true, because he is trying not to disagree with you when you are upset (using the "disagreeing with upset people can upset them more" logic), or because he is thinking that it will help you to be told these things. I don't know.

When you write down the problems, perhaps you could also write down some thoughts about what you think might help you. Other people (not just those with Asperger's) can't always tell what it is you need and may feel frustrated and powerless by your problems (I've had people tell me that I made them feel like this when I was at my worst).

It really does seem like you have depression right now, this would certainly affect motivation and your ability to do the things you are currently finding difficult. I don't know enough about you to know whether this is an ongoing problem, but it could also be post-natal depression if it got a lot worse since you had your baby.

I agree with -JP about the effect of the destructive combination of SP and depression. With an 8 month old baby and other health problems, I just can't imagine how hard that would be.

Are you receiving any medical support? Is your depression, in particular, being treated? My experience of depression is that there are a lot of things that you can do to help yourself, and that those close to you can do, but they are not a substitute for professional help.

Hope this helps you.

Panacea · Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2004 3:21 pm Post subject:

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Nightshade · Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2004 9:00 am Post subject:

I'm sorry, I hadn't thought about the fact that you are in the US with the insurance problems there.

If it is any help, I can tell you about some of the things that have helped me with dealing with depression. I admit that I probably would have trouble dealing with it without medication, but other strategies have also helped, and in the long term, it is these that have probably made the most difference.

If you really are just writing because you need to say these things and get them out of your system, rather than looking for specific advice, please let me know, because sometimes I can be a bit overhelpful on giving advice on something that I rings a bell with me.

Take care.
Smile