alone and isolated

neddy · Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 11:09 am Post subject: alone and isolated

I have been very shy, timid, withdrawn for as long as I can remember. Had alot of problems at school as I got bullied all the way through as i wore glasses and a hearing aid and was too quiet to stand up for myself. I got picked on really bad and all my so called friends were making fun of me as well so I cut myself off, turned into a loner overnight and refused to talk to anyone unless it was really important. My parents never understood this and told me that I was a big embarrassment to the family and why was I the way I was well I didn't understand what the problem was either. To this day I now regret doing that as I have got no friends, very lonley, depressed and suicidal. I have got no social skills, very little self confidence and very little self esteem. Just thinking of using a telephone I start shaking and am unable to answer my door when the doorbell rings. My heart starts pounding and I shake really bad and hide just incase someone looks through a window. I have been living by myself for the last 9 years and apart from work have no contact with the outside world.
It really made my day when I found this site, there is hope for me yet as I now know that I suffer from a social phobia. All I need now is to find the courage to get some help, would love to have some support from someone, just knowing there is help out there has made me feel that there is a chance I can overcome this

Frozen_In_Time · Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 4:07 pm Post subject:

Hi neddy,

I can really relate to your situation, but I'm just really sorry that this is happening to you. I'm not saying that I will be able to help you, as I'm no good at giving advice, but I'm sure someone else would be able to. Remember, I'm here for you! I can offer you support and I can try my best to help you.

Take care.
Frozen_In_Time

Jess333 · Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 4:33 pm Post subject: Re: alone and isolated

Neddy,

I totally understand what you're feeling. I'm here to tell you that there is hope. You took a big step by coming to this website, it means you want to overcome this, it means you want to live and be happy. And I am working on overcomming my SP and self-esteem right now in my life and having success, so I'm saying there's HOPE. Don't think about suicide, I know it's painful, I KNOW, I know you think about just "ending it all", "ending the suffering", but you CAN end the suffering and STILL LIVE and you will see that life can be very wonderful!

Hang in there, I have to run to work and I'm working really late tonight and I have to go now, but I have some valuable info that you can probably use to get better and believe me it gets a lot better! My first day off is Sunday and maybe I can write out some steps for you to take to get your recovery started.

Hang in there you sound like a sweet person. You can do this. Tell yourself you can overcome this. Just by saying this you'll feel a little better. You'll feel a WEIGHT lifted off your chest. "Fake it till you make it" is what they say. Even if you don't believe it, SAY IT, your subconcious is still listening. But it helps to think about it, and believe it..believe that you can do it.

Okay, I will write more as soon as I can, in the meantime, just relax, try and go for a short walk outside, and read more of the posts on this website.

Jess

Jess333 · Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 6:57 am Post subject: Re: alone and isolated

Neddy,

What you need is to do is read as many books on boosting self-esteem as possible, and also see a therapist that can help you change the way you see yourself and the world around you. You need to read these forums and educate yourself on how other people are dealing with "social phobia". You need to concentrate on this and analyze yourself and figure out a way to get better. Make a plan.

**But I'm telling you now, you have to change your view of yourself. There's gonna come a day when you have to come to accept yourself for WHO YOU ARE. If you do not do this, and stay thinking about yourself and the world the way you do now, you won't change. And when you learn how to do this, you find a peace inside you never thought you could achieve.

And another thing..You need to train yourself to think positively. Take a piece of paper and a pen and draw a stick figure with a thought bubble attached to the head..make the thought bubble big. Think carefully about the "quiet thoughts" that you tell yourself throughout the day. You may not know it right off the bat, but think for a moment and write down the thoughts you tell yourself every minute of everyday. What are these things? Write down how you think of yourself. Does it say "I'm in control", "I accept myself as I am", "I like myself" "I love myself"?

Or does it say "I'm no good", "i'm ugly" , "i can't do anything right", "I'm socially retarded" If you think these thoughts, and these thoughts float around in your mind/subconscious, you will feel nervous in front of people. You will feel lower than they are and you will shake and freak out...and your self-esteem will get worse, and you won't want to get out of the house..etc.

You need to understand how POWERFUL these statements are. *** You ARE what you think.

You need to work on your self-esteem. Work on it step by step with a good psychologist, if you feel you're not getting anywhere with a psych, go to another.

What happened to you as a child was wrong and cruel (the kids teasing you). And you probably need a good cry over it, think about it, mourn it, but learn to accept it, it HAPPENED, ther'es nothing you can do to change it, so release it and that energy with trying to change it somehow, make peace with it, and let it go....

Teasing is fear based. Anyone who teases usually has something wrong with them, and teasing helps them feel more powerful and takes the attention off themselves. Which is really rude and crass and wimpy, but hey, that's human nature, some people are just ASSHOLES. I remember there was this one kid named Dean Nelson in third grade, everyone thought he was so cool and he teased everyone. All the girls were interested in him and all the guys wanted to be like him, and you know what? There was this one day where his hair had dandruff and everyone, and i mean everyone took that opportunity for payback and teased the hell out of him and he cried like a baby in the middle of class. And now that I know a thing or two, he was from a poor family that abused him and used drugs. He was angry and he chose to take his anger out on someone..anyone he could. But you know, that's life, that's human nature. And you gotta roll with it and embrace even that too!

I've learned so much. And slowly im' overcomming my social anxiety. I still have it to a lesser degree than I did believe me!!!!, but i'm in the process of retraining my brain and ...it's working.

If you want to know anything just write me here and I will reply. My prayers are with you. I know how badly someone can torture themselves with their mind and thinking...and when I start practicing (Psychology) I will work so hard to try and help as many people as I can that have "social phobia" to overcome it.

Take care..

Write me if you ever need support

s_j_fernandes@hotmail.com

Jess

neddy · Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 4:37 am Post subject: alone and isolated

Hi Jess,
Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it. Finding this forum is the best thing I have done in ages, It makes me realise just how common this is and reading the forums and hearing how other people cope and do things gives me something to think about and too work on.
I am feeling down and out at the moment and the depression is really starting to set in again but I now know that there is something I can do about it, it will be very hard work and there may be alot of tears along the way but I feel there is no other option but to give it a go, and in the long run I have got nothing to lose.
I don't have a regular Dr but I saw one last month, told her what I was going through and all she suggested was to go on medication but as I drive taxis (A VERY BIG CHALLENGE AS I HAVE TO TALK TO PEOPLE) for a living I'm not sure if it is really safe, the first week I was on it my right hand went numb (still is) and I felt like a space cadet, a couple of days later I had my very first accident, even though it wasnt my fault it really shook me up, felt like I was having a panic attack so I threw them in the bin. I will have to do it the hard way without medication.

My biggest challenge at the moment is finding someone who can help me overcome this, took me all my courage just to go and see that Dr, maybe I need to find one that specialises in mental health and ask for a referral. This is going to be really hard but it needs to be done otherwise I will keep going downhill and will end up living like a hermit, I'm almost there, no friends, no one to talk except at work and my family doesn't understand what I'm going through, so the way I see it at the moment I have got nothing to lose and in the long run I can only benefit from it. Will let you know how I go.

by the way, you are spot on when you said that there is usually a reason why people bully other people especially the weaker ones. I gave a guy a lift home a couple of months ago, he was drunk and didn't recognise me as I've stacked on heaps of weight but I regonised him straight away, he was the main ring leader of the bullies at school and he came across as being really scattty (sandwich short of a picnic), took me all my will power not to say anything to him and he hasn't been able to hold down a job just goes from one to the other, so obviously he has got problems of this own. This has made me feel alot better knowing this but it wont help undo all the damage that has been done, that will take time and I am determined to overcome this.
Thanks for all the suggestions, I do appreciate it and will give them ago

Jess333 · Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 7:04 am Post subject: Re: alone and isolated

Good job, good attitude.

Yeah, if the Psych isn't trying to probe you for anything..hm..and it isn't working, then I'd say, IF you're in the position to do so, get another one. Do you feel more comfortable with men or women? In any event, that is something to consider when picking a psych. You want to make sure you can feel comfortable with them. Me personally, I prefer women, I feel safer with women.

I'm recovering my "social anxiety" without medication. I WAS on medication from the age of 19 (when my SA REALLY started hitting me until about 6 months ago). I just couldn't stand being on them anymore and having to deal with the side effects. I was determined to do this without meds, but i'll tell ya, they sure did help before I figured out why I was having social anxiety!!!!!! They helped lift the depression when I didn't know what was happening to me!

But once I knew and realized it was a self-esteem issue, I started to feel more confident and add the fact that I would hit that point iwth the meds where they weren't affecting me anymore...like they weren't helping anymore, my anxiety would start to creep back in and taking the meds was useless and that's when I said okay, i'm going to ween myself off these things and try to do this full force on my own.

yeah, i gained a whole bunch of wait in my depression. But I am excited to say that coincedently, as I'm pulling out of depression, i've been caring more about myself and am DONE with being overweight and I have lost almost 20 lbs. And I'm still losing. I was 185 lbs and now I'm 169lbs.

Anyhoo..take it one small step at a time..don't rush yourself.

As for the perfect psych for you...

one thing that is important to remember*********** You can't just expect that the psych is going to just FIX you..or know automatically what's going on with you..you have to TELL THEM..you have bear and spill it all..they should get a clue from there and probe you..find out more and come up with a treatment plan for you.

If they don't and sit on their arse, pick someone new.

But i highly encourage you to explain to the psych that you have social anxiety and you nee HELP with learning how to think positive, you need their guidance and training.

Another thing..INTERVIEW the psych before you accept them. You're paying them ..whether it's insurance or not, doesn't matter, you're hiring them!!!! Tell them your situation..and ask them what they'd DO ABOUT IT TO HELP YOU.

I know you might be feeling down...feeling down and depressed sucks the big one, I know. But hang in there. I can't tell you how fast you can feel better if you just try to change your thinking.

here..if you have some time..read my post. it kinda tells you my whole history explaining where my social anxiety stems from and how i'm overcoming it including the books i read etc.

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt156.html&sid=4b8378acc4c2d419382fa45b12b18123

Okay, Take Care Neddy

Jess

johno · Guest

Yeah Hi all, in particular Newbie.

I can totally relate to what you write. Although, my social phobia didn't really start until I was 14. Up until that age I was ok (even confident, god forbid lol). From around the age of 14 I remember becoming more sensitive and withdrawn. Basically from then up until now I have struggled with social phobia. I have had several jobs, dropped out of uni a few times and have had friends come and go. For period of about 2 years I was nearly housebound and had no friends. I was depressed and felt so isolated. Then I read an article written about social phobia (the adelaide advertiser). Thats when I first realised what was wrong with me and that others also suffered from this condition. The article was written by a psychiatrist. So I gave him a call and he agreed (I got a referal) to see me. He also put me in touch with a small support group called Connect. I did one of their workshops which I found very beneficial. I also made some new friends. I am not sure what state in Australia you live in. But I know most states have support groups and run workshops. Perhaps your first port of call should be a GP who should refer you to a psychiatrist.
All the Best

Johno

Johno · Guest

Sorry I mean't Neddy (newbie) what was I thinking!

Orlando · Posted: Fri Mar 05, 2004 10:02 pm Post subject:

Hi, Neddy.

I just found this site a few days ago and was so happy to find people who shared the same experience as I have. Many people who I spoke to in the past said to me, "Oh, you're just shy!" or "You'll grow out of it!" Hey, I'm 30 and I still feel nervous around people. It is painful when others dismiss you and think you are over-reacting! I know my family loves me but I know for sure that they don't understand the pain that I feel in my life.

Well, I hope to speak to you again.
Hang-in-there!

_________________
-Orl

neddy · Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2004 12:26 pm Post subject:

I live in Darwin, in the Nt and have looked around for a support group but have been unable to find one that specialises in social phobia. Don't know where else to go. Guess I will just have to keep looking.

Orlando I know how you feel. Have you ever had people think you are really stuck up just because you are quiet. I find that I feel very uncomfortable around people especialy around people I don't know very well and they read it the other way as if I'm not interested in talking to them and tell me I'm a snob when I'm not. Even though I am really shy have been since I was in pre school I have never outgrown it, my parents just kept saying she is so shy and that just made me feel worse instead of trying to encourage me to overcome it.