Um....I don't know what all this medication advertisment has to do with the thread but...I just wanted to add,
that if we had enough self esteem inside, the judgement of others wouldn't affect us so much. People who (intentionally or not, real or imagined) make us feel unwelcome are reinforcing what we believe to be true. That we don't belong. That's why it hurts so bad. That's why it isn't easy to throw this disease away and say, "I don't care what anyone thinks."
We can't change others, but with a lot of hard work I think and hope it is possible to accept yourself. And when you do that, you gain confidence. When people see that you accept yourself, they can't hurt you anymore.
Hi,
I found quite a bit of this thread interesting and revealing. I actually agree with both the person (sorry, forgot your names now) who said that the problem isn't all the avoidant's fault, as well as that it is all the avoidant's fault.
...yep, that's right, I've contradicted my self on purpose. What I simply mean by this is that other people definetly worry about fitting in and are sensitive to what others think of them. We with anxiety are most likely some of the most sensitive; and pretty much the case is that the more a person shares our problem the more they pick-on us. -Notice the poster who wrote that upon meeting someone else who also had anxiety that they found them really difficult and hated them-? ....so: yes, other's definetly share our problem and we do undfortunately make others feel more like us and some people deal with this by hating us and pushing us away.
And so to the person who was venting: trust your feelings: you are right: you are not so odd or unusual in your sensitivity and dependency towards others liking and accepting you. ...and if it is that you are a little more sensitive than most and that you have gotten into a rut as a result of always having the same thinking: everything is always heaps worse and hard when you are in a rut: it's all blown out of perspective. So that a little difference between you and others makes such difference. ...You see you are right. RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT. I encourage you as much as possible.
...Now: what to do about it? ....can you ever get other's to change? ...moreover, now that we have more confidence that we are not alone in being needy of others approval (see above) and we therefore are more confident of ourselves -your need to establish that others are 'closet social phobics' to their own varying degrees (and that the most judgemental of these are most like you) is a very important step I believe. Now, the next step would be to ask yourself: what should I do? Now I know I'm not the only one with insecurities and self-doubts and strong needs for approval (etc....etc) -how should I deal with all these 'closet social phobes'? ...If nasty, judgemental people are also scared and yet they deal with it by taking it out on others, then you can figure out the rest.
So, yes we are not really so different at all from others; and those who judge us the most harshly are the most similar to us (yet, that doesn't mean that we would necessarily choose to be awful to someone with our problem, we may feel the impulse but have more respect anyway) And also the onus is all upon us to change simply because it can't happen any other way. So I think that both people above are right.
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