Reasons for talking to strangers

aj · Posted: Mon Jun 19, 2006 12:36 am Post subject: Reasons for talking to strangers

Hi everyone. I feel it's about time I asked this. I'm currently 18 and just finishing college. I've always been shy, and I realise that I've missed out on a lot of social experience.

I'm not too bad with talking to people, but only if they talk to me. For example, if a teacher or someone else in a class asks me a question, I'll happily answer, though I'm still quiet.

That's the trouble. I never start a general conversation with anyone. I only do it if I have to, for example, find out or tell them something important.

I just can't think of how to start speaking to anyone. I walk past plenty of people who are on their own in college, or sitting on the bus home, but if I see someone and think, "okay, i'm going to talk to them", what reason do I have for doing that? Surely if I just walk up to them and say "hi" they'll probably think "do I know you" and "why are you talking like you know me"? I know I could ask them a question (eg. the time), but again, surely I cant just suddenly say "what course are you doing" or "what are you doing at the weekend"?

Put simply - what do I say? Thanks for any help Smile

visit_faraz · Newbie User Joined: Jun 20, 2006 Posts: 12

hey pal, you are just like me.
i mean exactly the same. i also dont like to do small talk. i mean i dont like to talk to someone if i dont have something important to say or some information to be given or taken.

you know what . i cant even continue the conversation. if someone else starts. the person who started to talk with me sort of gives up and just shuts up.

even when girls come up to me and talk to me i cant continue talking to them. because i dont have anything to talk to them and actually i dont even want to.
people would call me an introvert. hec, i dont care about labels and what people are thinking about me.

sometimes, i used to think . hey , why cant i talk to others and keep talking to people like the other people do. why cant i be like people who just have so much to talk about.

but then i understood. this is how i am . this is my nature. the good thing was that i understood it.
i stopped trying to be like others. i stopped comparing myself to others.
i found that i was wanting to be like others to be a part of their group. to be in the majority . to have a sense of belonging. the root of the problem was this only. to be like others and to be a part of their group.
because when i am just being myself . i am not part of the group anymore. and so i felt left out. this was the actual problem.

you also try to find out what is the actual problem. where is the desire to change coming from.

and u know what. now, i am able to talk to people easily whenever i want to. because the pressure is not there now. i am not judging myself anymore. the pressure is off me. i can just be myself and be happy. this is not a disorder. just accept yourself and you will see that you are naturally getting better at it.

hope this helps.
bye,
faraz

_________________
check out my self esteem and social anxiety blog based on spirituality.
http://farazblog.blogspot.com

shipost · Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 5:49 pm Post subject:

believe it or not most my old friends started of as my enemys! then returned to being enemys a few years later.

when i had a fight i always knew wed be friends afterwards Laughing

id never go upto somone and talk to them, maybe if i was sat next to them id say how err like "how long you been doin this course for", "can i borrow your calculator" etc then it might build up but its long time since i talk to different people so will see soon.

oh yeah once u got talkin to one person and they have friends to that means they will introduce you so most likely build up on its own then. just master the first person!

goodluck

benihana · Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 10:02 pm Post subject:

Hey, try complimenting someone then asking a question. Everybody likes those, and then don't mind talking about themselves if they are already shed in a positive light. It definitely relaxes the other person and opens them up....

JoshuaOst · Newbie User Joined: Jul 03, 2006 Posts: 1

I usually just ask, "How are you?" and the conversation goes on from there.

aj · Posted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 12:35 am Post subject:

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=posting&mode=reply&t=7723

Hi again. Well it was nearly three months ago that I posted, and I'm sorry that I never replied. I was not ignoring you, I was just... thinking.

My three years at college ended at the end of June. It doesn't feel like much has changed, but I think I've finally decided what to think about things.

Visit_faraz, a lot of what you said is just the way I feel.

I like to be on my own. Or at least to do things on my own. I do things better when I can just get on and do them on my own. Obviously working with other people is sometimes a part of life, and I have nothing wrong about that. In college I did that a lot, and I actually liked quite a few of the people I met there - but I wouldn' t be the slightest bit interested in what they do outside of that.

It seems that a lot of people are sheep. The general idea of a good time, at least in the UK, seems to be to get completely drunk and throw up everywhere. As well as people who are oh so individual. Yes, individual... just like everyone else is. Of course I know not everyone is like that. That would be silly. But it seems that plenty are. Why would I want to be friends with them? It's just boring.

That's why I 'wanted' to make friends in the first place. I didn't really want to. It just seemed like the normal thing. Don't get me wrong - I still hope that (and, sick bags at the ready) one day I will meet someone who likes what I like and I enjoy being with. Preferably female, so we can move to Somerset and raise two point four children...

Well, thanks for letting me blather on again Smile

woman123 · Newbie User Joined: Oct 09, 2006 Posts: 12

Believe it or not, about everyone in this world has their moments of shyness. I think people are forgetting that if you don't really know people, your not going to be fully your self. The good thing about shyness( which everyone can display from time to time ) is that when people start feeling comfortable, they appear to be more themselves and shock you with unpredictable behaviour. Everyone is afraid of new things, the unknown. I am very shy in certain situations, but once you truely get to know me you woulden't even think twice of me being shy.

haze · Newbie User Joined: Sep 14, 2006 Posts: 82

visit faraz your post really helps me a lot thanks.

laith · Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 5:40 am Post subject:

sometimes random people just come up to me and start talking about something..like in the gym or at the gas pump...they usually start by saying something related to what im doing. like at the gym they'll start talking about protein vs creatine,etc... so maybe think of something to say that relates to what they happen to be doing?

i dunno, i dont think id be able to just approach someone out the the blue no matter how good i am at conversations, initiating the convo is hardest part.