Ne1 blame this on the the way they were brought up?

ricky

Just wonderin if people here blame or think that they have sa coz of the way your parents brought u up, or if it was jus sum particular events in your life that could of triggerd u havin sa? Im not sure but since i live not in a really populated area i feel that my parents should of done more to get me to intract with more kids my age earlier on other than jus school, an if this is not totally the explanation 4 me hav sa then i think it would hav contributed alittle. Or do people think that sa is jus genetic an sum people are more likely get sa in ther life than other people?

rick xx

nedkelly · Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 9:09 am Post subject:

Hi Ricky ,sorry to hear you are having a hard time of it.
For me, i think moving around a lot, because of dad's work, has contributed greatly to my SA, as i never got to meet life long friends. And it was hard to start all over again at our new town/city etc. I went to many schools,and had a hard time at a few of them,and i never felt a stability that comes with staying somewhere long enough.
I get dissapointed/sad that i had to move so much, and knowing how it has affected me, but i know that my parents were only doing what they had to do at the time. I know that they feel guilty about it.
But i guess other people say that by living in many places, they got to meet more people. So, i think it really depends on one's personality traits...and i think i was always going to be susseptible.
My parents weren't perfect, and i don't know your's, so it is probarly not wise for me too judge them. But i guess parents make many mistakes, and the scariest thing is to make a life for ourselves, when you have been brought up in a certain way,and the baggage, that comes with your past.
There is no easy anwsers to this question.
I will be a parent soon myself, so i hope i can do the best i can, but i'm sure i will make lots of mistakes. I will admit though, that i have pretty good parents, who encouraged me, but i still ended up, a troubled person inside.
I hope i have come across understanding mate, you may be in a hard situation i know.
Take care, and messenger me anytime if you like.

MrHappy · Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 12:17 pm Post subject:

I agree with worrydoll.

I, personally, hold a weight of resent for my upbringing and lack of interest of my parents for playing with me.

They felt a hardship if they had to participate in anything.

But now I'm an adult I'm supposed to "deal" with whatever has happened in the past. If I were to bring it up in conversation with my parents it would be pushed aside.

I think I feel the resent because I'm the one left to deal with it alone.

LilMissTragic · Expert User Joined: Sep 05, 2004 Posts: 803

I was brought up well but was always a shy child, when i was 13 (bad age to move any kid if ya ask me) we moved away. I was then bullied at my new school and thats when my SP kicked in big time.

applesewer · Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2004 12:45 am Post subject:

Well, I was well social in primary school. I’d say I was pretty popular actually. Infact I was in secondary school too…to a certain extent….it was when I got to about 13/14 I just found it harder thinking of things to say….I’d want to be alone more…I just stopped wanting to socialize. I don’t know why?! I don’t particularly think it was anyone’s fault…there were no traumatic events in my past or anything.

One thing though, is that I’m pretty sure my dad’s got SAD. We never really talk about it but my mum mentioned it once and I hear them talking about doctors and depression sometimes…and he’s very similar to me….so I think maybe its genetic. It just got past onto me….nuffin I could do about it. The only thing I can control is my reaction to it.

shep · Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2004 1:28 am Post subject:

I believe my problems started around 13/14 y.o. and this seems to be in common with a lot of people with sp. When puberty kicks in, there are lots of changes taking place in the brain as well as the body and I wonder if an event or series of events could jump start sp in a similar way that a traumatic event could change someone for life in various ways. I was a middle child and my older brother would put me down more so than being the protective type of and I have always wondered if that could have been a contributing factor. I was also small for my age and I believe my self esteem was in a fragile state and the put downs may have been a major factor. Each of us have our own family dynamic and social situation as we mature and perhaps some of us are very vulnerable to social situations that can trigger sp and other sorts of disorders.

ricky · Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2004 4:15 am Post subject:

i dont blame then exactly, but i feel that if things were done differently stuff would b different now but ne1 could say that and we dont no what would happen if things would of been done differently. For all i no my life could of been alot worse.

rick xx

Guest · Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2005 9:23 pm Post subject:

mine also kicked in at 13/14 and i think my dad has sa. he is very insecure and actually when i think about it he never goes out into town alone. he goes to the pub at night with friends though. i think it does have something to do with the way u r brought up because you r going to pick up vibes from your parents if they have sa. i also think my mum is a contributing factor because when she was little her dad hit her and her siblings quite a lot and coming from an irish background they had quite a hard life. she recently told me that her parents didnt know how to show her they loved her. my dads dad is very conservative very proper and very very critical a little liek my dad . i feel that my parents were never loved properly so they didnt know how to love anyone else. sometimes i get angry at them for having children when they wouldnt be able to love them but usualy i just accept it. i crave intimacy and affection and whenevr i get drunk i kiss a boy but am really affectionate and just need the feeling of being loved , knowing that thats not love just amoment of closeness

Dill · Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 6:59 pm Post subject:

For me , I do think my folks contributed to my SP

My mom used to be , and still is , very overprotective. She literately treats me like a child. ( Im 18 ). I am the 'baby' in the family so my brother picked on me alot. And I mean ALOT!!!

My dad use to shout at me and put me down as he was very stressed from work. He works hectic shifts as a Doctor.

So all my problems where caused by my family.

Guest · Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:53 pm Post subject:

I think I've always been a shy person, although I did use to be pretty good socially. I suppose it got worse in my teens, and I think low self esteem caused it. I went through a patch of having NO self confidence whatsover, which is something you really need when you're growing up. I'm a little more confident in myself now, but the damage has been done (that sounds more dramatic than its supposed to)