OCD breaking up family.

adler · Newbie User Joined: Dec 07, 2006 Posts: 3

my father has what I believe is ocd, he does not think there is a problem, He collects all kinds of useless junk, I.E. cleans and stores used butter tubs, has over a hundred, has 39 bottles of cheap after shave in the cupboard. He is in the plumbing and heating trade and keeps broken furnace and water heaters, In case he needs one. He is a single 67 year old man and has three freezers full of meat that goes bad and he replaces it as it goes bad, and is now looking at a seal a meal to extend the life of the meet. he has at any one time 5 gal. of milk, all with sharpie written dates on each gal. He has 5 vehicles, as he buys a new one he plans on selling the used one as he does not want the dealer to "get one over on him" then he delays in selling, and eventually comes to the conclusion that He can use the old vehicle. He irrationally will spend money on keeping something old fixed, instead of buying a new item, can be a toilet or a car, but once he has an item, he has to keep it, if something breaks, he needs to replace it even if he does not use it. He has four children that he has very limited contact with to the point of not talking to them even though two live with in a mile of him, his life consists of going to and from a local coffee shop and back home, He seems to have regressed to the point of only spending time in these two places.
He is obsessed with saving money for some day, controlling every one around him, He loves to hire the local drug and alcoholics to do menial tasks around his home. He also pays more for wood to heat his home than the cost of just paying for gas. He hordes can food,Is very selfish with any thing once it becomes "his".
He makes all kinds of plans to see his grandchildren in Kansas, but then when it comes time to execute the plans he postpones them because of some minor thing that needs to be done.
He boxes and keeps checks,invoices,notes, on jobs that are 20 years old, even though he know the limitations on such for the irs is 7 years max. The invoices are old and hold not use, not even for bidding as things have changed in this time, he keeps old copies of plumbing code books even though they are out of date. He also has to make a note of every thing and post it to his desk wall, When paying for items, the bill must be written on a post it note and pined to the wall, then he can write the check a couple of days later, He has invoices from a year ago or more that he has not written up to send for jobs done, as he has to have them typed up just so, and worded just so, then he can send them out. He will then after a year of not sending out a bill, will add interest for money not received even though he has not sent the bill.
He argues with his customers as to what kind of plumbing fixtures they will buy, and has destroyed his business, my brother that works with him, is moving away for work, as there is no one calling any more. When told that his son is moving one thousand miles away, he first denies, then rationales that it is only for the winter months. He obsesses over working at his desk in his office [a converted carport he enclosed to hide it from the land tax people] on "make work", He had a heart attack this summer, 95% blockage in one artery and 70% in four others, he is diabetic and his platelet level was to low for a stint and angioplasty was done on the 95% blockage. After leaving the hospital he feels fine and started to eat high fat, and acting like he was in the best health ever.

sabbath92002 · Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:59 pm Post subject:

Sorry to hear all that. Your father definitely has many problems, including hording. My brother is like that, he buys stuff he doesn't need just because there's a rebate on it. In a materialistic world it's hard to let go of things, but life is much more than a bunch of objects that we collect.

I'd say forgive him because at this point in his life it would be hard for him to change. There's only so much we can do to help our families. We have to look out for ourselves too.

Hang in there adler.

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adler · Newbie User Joined: Dec 07, 2006 Posts: 3

sab, I agree he can not change, change comes from seeing what you are doing and wanting to change. He does not see, nor does he care, He is a very selfish person, How can a person not see their grandchildren for two years, and chase after biker bitches, and I mean bikerbitches, these are not high class women.
I understand that the sickness is a hard thing to deal with, but like I said before in the locked post, Just because Jeff Dahmer was sick in the head, does not mean that the family of the people he ate should forgive him. Myself and my 3 brothers have decided to let him go as a father, he is dead to us, if these biker bitches take him for every penny, and he is in the streets, he will have to get used to sucking pond water. We will not help him now. It is a good feeling to let someone like this go. like a weight has been lifted off our shoulders. I do wish him a short life. and I can not ask for it to be miserable as it already is a miserable life.

Tryin · Advanced User Joined: Sep 04, 2006 Posts: 417

hullo adler. right, your father has a problem. but it is HIS problem. yes, you can try to talk to him, you can help him get some therapy, and finally solve it but it is still HIS problem. try to help him but if he doesnt want your help... i am sorry. just let it be and move on. you deserve a better life then your father has.
wish you luck.

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adler · Newbie User Joined: Dec 07, 2006 Posts: 3

I myself have many of the symptoms of ocd, Before I even knew what this was called I worked on trying to change. I would try to control every one around me, including my wife. I started to tell myself that it was not important to control people or things, I even would hoard food, but after seeing the futility of this, I quit. I still collect historical items I am interested in, but this I let go as it still brings me comfort, I like to research out where they were made and by what factory. I focus on the us civil war, and German ww2 collecting, the other reason I don't stop is, I sell and can make money on them, it is nice to go to an antique store and pick up something and know you bought it for one quarter of its value, and I will sometimes buy to sell. Because of this obsession, I have bought items and resold making a few hundred dollars profit and never even handled the item. Just had it sent to the dealers who purchased it. My problem is I get focused on an area and I have to buy items until I am satisfied. I can not tell you what the line is but I know when I reach it. But as least I am not collecting rabbit food. When I buy an iron cross at fifty dollars and sell it for two hundred, I think I can live with this obsession.