Attempted Advice for all

Smudgo · Newbie User Joined: Nov 13, 2006 Posts: 24

Before i start writing what i think can help people i must stress that i am not an Avpd sufferer and it is true how i dont know how it truly feels like to be in that situation. This post is no way meant to cause offence if it does and i am only trying to help. I am sorry in advance if it causes offence to people...

I realise how hard it is for people who have this in their every day life and how they somehow feel different from the rest of society. I can understand the amount of sheer pain and panic they experience every day in which "normal" people seem to get by without any trouble.

I think the cause of the condition comes from the perception that peoples opinions count for much more than what they actually are. If you were hurt badly when young(eg by parents) then you would have experienced such a tremendous pain of being rejected at such a young age. At this young age you would have no idea of why you were being rejected and because of the concept "its not me that has something wrong , its them" isnt quite realised as the mind is at such a young age , then it boils down to "im inferior to everyone". I am not for one minute saying that everyone with avpd has been hurt when they were young i am just giving an exmaple of how such rejection can knock a person of course.

So before entering a social situation the person with avpd thinks that they are inferior, its like "normal" people walking into a top presidency dinner where we feel that everyone is judging you. We feel inferior to them! We feel that what we do will be judged and analysed and opinions made very quickly. You have a fear rejection as your brain is constantly trying to up your confidence (it realises your in a state of panic everytime your in a social situation) as it is trying to build up your confidence and make u feel normal. If you were to be rejected in someway all that an avpd sufferer feels is that same inferiority and im not sure but maybe feels that everyone else knows about it. Their mind relates back to that first time when they were hurt badly and how they felt back then. People's opinions are being viewed greater than they actually are in the sense that deep down they want to be normal and feel good. They want to be liked as they feel they just want to be at the same level as everyone else. (i am not sure about this i cant exactly put it into the right words of what i am trying to explain)

The advice that i am going to try and give is to never give up. You have to take a good look at yourself and see how much you care about hurting other people. I know an avpd sufferer and she is the nicest and friendliest person i have ever met in my life! I am not just saying this by the way to make you all feel better because she actually is! I am guessing its because of how she values peoples feelings as she knows what it feels like to be hurt. This is an amazing personal quality to have being so friendly and nice makes u attract lots of different friends. People who dont want to be your friend or dont make any effort dont deserve to be as your such a kind person that their missing out. You must look at all the positiv aspects of your character, eg (hard-working, not bitchy, not arguementitive, funny, generous, trustworthy) I think the last could probably mean the most to an avpd person when meeting new people. They are constantly analysing emotions to see if they will be liked and get a new friend.

Trust can also be a big issue if when someone new asks to go out somewhere and since they feel "inferior" they feel they will be picked up on all their bad points and made fun of. This is a percieved thought in the mind that isn't actually true! Yes i know people here will be saying it is but its not...you are only thinking this way because you are feeling inferior which is also another lie. You are better than anyone else out there...you care so much about feelings that you are such a sensitive and caring person...even if sometimes u need trust but just takes time. I'm not being mean but you must look at all your postive aspects...you are such a wonderful person that someone caring, honest and sensitive like yourself deserves you and nothing less. When meeting new people show them your character! show them how loving and caring you are! dont over analyse (i know this is easier said than done) but try just to talk and assume trust in them and they will assume trust in you.

I havent took any medical or psychology courses so i dont know if im giving the right advice or not. If anyone thinks what i said useful in any way i will write more if wanted. I didnt mean this to cause offence...only trying to help. My perceptions of things could also be very wrong.

Smudgo · Newbie User Joined: Nov 13, 2006 Posts: 24

I am willing to post more if anyone finds it useful :\