Harder Time Being Shy and a Bisexual Male.

ncbiguy · Newbie User Joined: Jan 03, 2007 Posts: 4

OK, first off, I don't care who judges me, here. I get enough of feeling afraid of that in real life. I've struggled with shyness and social anxiety for most of my life. It's funny, I'm pretty good one-on-one with anyone. It's just groups, public places and social scenarios that stress me.

I'll be 29 years old at the end of this month, and still have hardly had date one. Noone guesses my real age, and I still get carded, every time. I've been told I'm very cute and get more than enough attention from ladies, but I've always been just too shy to act on it.

Thing is I also have strong bisexual "freak" tendencies and long hair. Sometimes I dress in tyedye shirts, other times in all black with a heavy metal t-shirt, or other times in fancy "club" or "dress" suits. You could say I'm a bit weird or eccentric, in some ways. I believe strongly in open sexuality and freedom of expression and freedom from societal hangups that I feel prohibit many from enjoying certain things in life, but to many people, some things about me would be a bit too much. I'm not talking about fucking everything that moves. I have standards, like everyone else.

It's not just about sex. It's about my views, and ideals. I tend to think that a woman who is more conservative than me in bed will tend to be too different in other areas, as well.

It seems like the two social anxiety and sexuality things are almost......I don't know. Conflicting?.......Oxymoronical?.......I don't know what words to use. But, it's something I don't feel like lying about just to meet any old woman, and then saying "Surprise!", later. I feel like as someone with social anxiety, I almost feel like I'm supposed to be more cleancut and what I'd personally consider boring. But, for many of the bisexual sites, I feel out of place because of the social anxiety thing.

The thought of a guy as nervous and shy as me getting a girlfriend alone would be hard enough, but to find one that would still be cool, knowing everything about me, seems HIGHLY unlikely.

Comments? (my profile, if anyone wants to look: http://www.myanxiety.org/johndoe )

crazyfairyx · Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 1:16 am Post subject:

I don't think it's impossible to have an active, open, healthy sex life and have sa, obviously it's a lot more difficult to initiate. A lot of girls are okay with guys being bi sexual, especially as quite a few females are also bisexual.

Are you comfortable with your sexuality? You describe yourself as having 'freak' tendancies. I don't think any sexual acts / thoughts / desires are freakish unless they are non consensual, but if you're uncomfortable with yourself then it's less likely that others will be able to accept you. Quite a few shy guys and girls have partners, more than people would expect I think, but obviously it's very unlikely that a relationship will fall into your lap. You have to be actively solving your sa for it to be likely that you'll meet someone, because unless sexy women come into your house randomly often, you're unlikely to meet someone Smile

Have you tried any counselling / cbt for your sa?

Hope you manage to find what you're looking for. Hope my advice is a bit useful, and even if it's not, I hope you know that people are here to support you even if we don't always know what to say Very Happy

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ncbiguy · Newbie User Joined: Jan 03, 2007 Posts: 4

Thanks for the advice. I use the term freak, like it's no big deal. Not in a derogatory sense. Some of my close friends in high school used the words for themselves. Many just see using the word as turning around a word for the positive, that has been used negatively, in the past to outcast people who don't fit some 'normal' mold. Not just gay people. People that dress too different, punks, goths, artists, practicers of certain religions, etc.

By "freakish", I kinda also just meant I'm a bit "weird" by some people's standards. Once again, not meant in a negative context. Just another label.

Actually, I just have some problems in my life right now, that contribute to my anxiety, bigtime. I'm hoping to be in a different place by next year, though. I don't have much faith in counseling. I quit smoking cold turkey by myself. I think I can EVENTUALLY solve this myself, too. I really appreciate the response.

crazyfairyx · Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:50 pm Post subject:

Hiya, to be honest I haven't tried any kind of counselling either, it might work for others, but I don't have much faith in it. But I've managed to fight through sa and I'm starting to have a life that isn't dictated by sa. Good for you for quitting smoking, I did too two years ago without any patches / help ect and I know how tough it is! If you can do that, then you probably can beat this too. They both require will power and commitment.

I wasn't sure how you meant the term freak but I'm glad it's not a sign of not being comfortable with the way you are, because there are social stigmas about a lot of things that really don't warrant it.

Hope you get some helpful responses Smile

_________________
In my field of paper flowers

Icon and Art by Selina Fenech
www.selinafenech.com