Your assertive rights.

kody · Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2005 9:32 am Post subject: Your assertive rights.

I'm not sure if any of you have heard of these. My therapist mentioned them to me, but I thought I knew them, though I didn't. I just read them in a book though. Anyway I thought I might post them for anyone's interest or help. Very Happy

You have the right to be yourself.
You have the right to make your own decisions and take the consequences.
You have the right to say 'no'.
You have the right to ask for what you want (recognising that the other person has the right to say no).
You have the right to make mistakes.
You have the right not to know something.
You have the right to change your mind.
You have the right to privacy.
You have the right to make statements or decisions without having to justify them.
You have the right to assert yourself.
You have the right not to assert yourself
You have the right to be treated with respect and dignity.

Guest · Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 7:49 am Post subject:

Granted-- you (or we) have the right.... but just because we all have the right to be treated with dignity and respect doesn't always make it happen! That's part of the problem, that's what convinces me to stay home sometimes instead of trying to conquer my fears. For instance, a salesperson at a store may be upset about something that happened at home or at another customer, manager, or another employee and take it out on me, and I of course think that I have brought out the worst in that salesperson-- granted, I had the right to be treated with respect & dignity, but sadly, I wasn't.

If these things are working for you... great... and thank you for trying to help by sharing them and I apologise for finding fault with them.

kody · Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 9:23 am Post subject:

I warmly welcome your point. Rights are good and all, but its really the action taken in light of these rights that are most important.

I find your example very interesting. Exactly if a salesperson is upset over something else, we shouldn't be treated inappropriately. Perhaps following these rights however, You know you are free to asert yourself, ie by leaving the store, or complaining to his/her manager, or if your really gutsy, by giving him a piece of your mind. Razz

Irregardless of how you are actually treated and how you act, I think its valuable to know how you deserve to be treated and how you are allowed to act.

Guest · Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 12:16 pm Post subject:

Once again, you've made an excellant point, and we do have the dignity & right to be assertive to get what we deserve and I should just let well enough alone, but---

I was at the check out at K-mart one day and there were two males ahead of me and an attractive young female cashier. She was very polite and friendly to the males ahead of me, but when in came to my turn, she rudely slammed my purchases in the bag while frowning in disgust the entire time. When I took a minute to see if I had the exact change, her eyes rolled in her head. I told her that I was sorry for obviously disturbing her considering the way she was treating me and had been just the opposite to the two customers prior to myself and she VERY sarcasticly and dryly responded with a "That's okay". She wasn't sorry, didn't apologise, she simply accepted my apology as if I WAS the one who was wrong! I suppose my assertivness tactics need a lot of improvement, and I suppose I should have complained to the manager, but if I had and the girl apologised or had been friendly to me at another visit to her check out, I would have just considered her to be putting on a big act to keep her job and all the while, resenting my very existence. Sad

That incident plagued my mind for days.... I kept telling myself that if I had been a male, or unmistakingly wealthy or something, I wouldn't have been treated the way I was. I then went on to blame it on my disorders, and swear that people like the chashier can spot the disorders in me a mile away and know that then can get away with treating me like dirt. Sad

That in turn makes me feel that even if I had gone to the manager, they would have responded to me the same way the cashier did--- maybe not-- but it wasn't/isn't a chance I'm willing to take because it only causes me frustration and sadness and more hopelessness. Crying or Very sad

BUT--- that's just ME and I'm not saying that these things aren't going to work for others! I think I AM HOPELESS. Crying or Very sad

kody · Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 2:36 pm Post subject:

I'm sorry it had to happen to you. You know sometimes people are just absolute jerks and it seems so easy for us to take it all personally.

I guess, if your feeling gutsy, one day go back, with all the loose change you could find, drop it on the floor, just do everything to annoy the hell out of her. lol. If people like that are going to be rude, they deserve everything that comes to them.

Anyhow, your not hopeless. Even though you weren't treated with dignity and respect, its good enough to know that you deserve it. This is because its not always your (our) fault. Not everything is under our control. We just have to make the best of what we've got.[/quote]

introvert · Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 6:07 pm Post subject:

Hmm just noticed that you are female. Perhaps.. since she was also female, she was jealous of you for some reason, hence the behavior? Had you been male this behavior would have been very strange on her behalf, but in this case could it have been her inferiority complex kicking in?

Worrydoll and Kody, great material there... I'll make sure to print this out so I WONT forget Very Happy

Guest · Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2005 9:46 pm Post subject:

Thanks so much for trying to make me feel better about the incident Kody & Introvert, I'm grateful for your kind words and thoughts! Smile

Trust me though, this girl had nothing to be jealous of or feel inferior about! She was younger, way pretty, knock out figure, (and no guys, I am not telling you what town the K-mart is in!) nice stylish clothing. The only possible thing she may have resented was that I was shopping and she was working! Sad

I like your payback idea Kody! I may just face my fears and give it a try! I'll make up a Tee-shirt just for the occasion with my fabric paint that says: "Please don't squeeze me even if the chashiers do treat me like -hit". Wink