alone and isolated

nomane · Guest

Hi i have just found this page.. Actually i started searc about social phobia after 14 years Smile

I don't speak English very well so, forgive me..

Now i realize many people like me, if i tell you this is nice don't be upset because i fell i am not alone Smile

I am 31 years old until now i haven't seen anybody like me.. I really though that i am the only person..

Anyway i don't feel shy with the strangers.. I like to talk those people who i never met before.. I can easly get a new friends, or i can get a new job quickly. But the problem is those people i know Smile

I can not joke with them.. Actually i am really talkative and like to make a joke.. After i make people laugh something stops me!! After 3 second i am another person already.. I can talk with the girls very well in the begining, i can look anybodies eyes especially if i don't know them...

Can you plesae tell me if there is any medication can take me out of this? Bye the way i don't feel all the time with me.. Let's say in 1 mounth 15 days i am ok.. Rest of the days i am red Smile

And another think try to go ahead with red color.. Think that, that will not kill you anyway.. Just keep talking with people.. Just try and see, after 10-15 second you can overcome.. I promise.. Depends your energy maybe.. Somethimes it is good for me..

Now, if anyone got medication let me know if it is really good..

Thanks

Orlando · Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 2:39 am Post subject:

Nomane,

Here's some medicine that I heard works: Prozac and Luvox.
Benzodiazepines, like Xanax and Klonapin, are thought to take care of the anxious symptoms you may feel (i.e., shallow breathing, heart palpitations, etc.) However, benzodiazepines may be addictive so watch out.

_________________
-Orl

Jess333 · Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 7:10 am Post subject: Re: why??

You know the same thing used to happen to me. When I met knew people, I would think in my mind "ha! they don't know I have SA I can charm them" and i would talk no problem because i knew they knew nothing about me. But then after talking to them for 3 minutes I would start to get nervous because I would start to realize that initial "hi hello i'm jessica " is over and now I really have to start impressing people with my charisma. Anyway, I would end of getting nervous and freaky. It's easy to start busting out into conversation , but when you start to feel like the spot light is on you after a few minutes. But fixing your self-esteem and thinking more positively can fix that!!!!!!!!!

Now I tell myself "concentrate ONLY on the positive, be yourself, no one else is nervous here, and other people are able to feel calm and secure so I CAN TOO!" I start focusing my thoughts and sometimes it feels like actual WORK, but then al lthe sudden the good mood comes rolling in over my negative thinking and my good mood is easily maintained.

Tchau (bye in portuguese)

JEss

Orlando · Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 7:22 pm Post subject:

Neddy,

I was just thinking of what you wrote a few days ago. I remember long time ago, I felt very anxious just saying "Hi" to people. The first time was no problem because they did not know anything about me but the second (and the ones after that) time, I would sweat and have heart palpitations.
I remember one of my neighbors used to sit on his porch and talk with his friends. They would all be telling stories or smoking. I remember dreading to come home because I would have to pass by his porch. I would try to time my arrival home when he would be inside (Either in the early morning or late in the night).
There were many times that I did say 'hi' to him but then I would think,"What are they saying about me? Do they think I'm abnormal because I can't stop and speak with them? Why am I so frightened? I am a man, right? Or am I a coward?"
Thoughts would haunt me for weeks. It got worse because I went to school and I would see the same people every day. Oh boy, when I think back at those days, I know it was tough. I remember that wanting to cry but not knowing how to. Even though I was unable to cry, I was crying on the inside...but I got through it though. I wouldn't be speaking to you if I wasn't. Wink

_________________
-Orl

Hope · Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2004 3:56 am Post subject:

Neddy,

Your life sounds identical to mine - high-school bullying (which exacerbated - if not started - the SP), isolation, few (if any 'real') friends, and no relatives alive (and those few who are shun any connection, seemingly for fear of having to 'cope' with my situation). The very few 'friends' I (supposedly) do have initiate nothing - it's all always up to me. That gets pretty frustrating.

I can appreciate the problem of not having support groups in Darwin. It's a bit out of the way, even for Australia. I'm in a smaller city. There are groups in larger cities an hour's drive away, but can't manage that for financial reasons and the extra anxiety it adds.

Anyway - possible solutions (to isolation at least): Do you have any outdoor/hiking/nature groups there? I'm not sure if that interests you, but it's one way I muddle through my own situation.

SP support groups (specifically) are generally a bit rare, though depression-related groups seem more common. I was instrumental in getting an SP group going locally (though I didn't facilitate), but it folded (largely due to lack of publicity and - IMO - a complete lack of understanding by the association and the facilitator as to what SP even is). I entertained the thought of getting something going myself, but frankly am petrified of being in the limelight.

Check out some general-interest groups in your area as one way of getting away from isolation. Does your library have seminar series - most do.

h

Orlando · Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2004 4:56 am Post subject:

Neddy,

I was just reminded of something. Yes, there were a lot of people who thought I was a snob because of my Social Anxiety. I felt I was caught in this losing predicament. If I talked to people, those people would hate me because I was awkward and stupid. And if I didn't talk to people then I would think they would hate me because they thought I was a snob. Oh brother! Now that I look at it, I didn't give myself any slack. Even more stupid, when I saw other people avoid speaking to me, I thought,"They must hate me because I am shy or stupid". Never once did I ever consider that other person to be a snob. Neddy, is it just me! Have you ever done this? Embarassed

_________________
-Orl

Orlando · Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 3:56 am Post subject:

Dear Neddy and Hope,

I came across these websites and thought they might be useful to you. They offer help for people with Social Phobia in Australia. Hope they are useful! Take Care!

www.socialanxietyassist.com.au (Australian site)
www.anxietyaustralia.com.au(Australian site)

_________________
-Orl

Orlando · Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 3:57 am Post subject:

Dear Neddy and Hope,

I came across these websites and thought they might be useful to you. They offer help for people with Social Phobia in Australia. Hope they are useful! Take Care!

www.socialanxietyassist.com.au (Australian site)
www.anxietyaustralia.com.au(Australian site)

_________________
-Orl

neddy · Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 5:56 am Post subject:

Hello its me again, haven't been here much lately. Thanks for the information on the Australian sp sites. I will check them out. One thing i have noticed since I have found these sites is that I no longer feel as bad as what I used to and am starting to feel alot more positive.

Orlando I can relate to you. Alot of people think I am stuck up but don't realise it is just a lack of social skills. The way I see it now is that if people can't accept me for the way I am, then that is there problem and they aren't worth worrying about.

Have been feeling alot better this week, had an off week last week, was having problems with a lady at work, only see her for a couple of minutes each day but she is the biggest back stabber around, I'm always in a bad mood(when I'm not, just near tears - depressed), talks about me as if I'm not in the room, then I had a accident in one of the taxis, it wasn't my fault as someone didn't give way and pulled right out in front of me, 30 seconds later we connected and the other person commented where the hell did you come from. Hello open those eyes, did you look. I got the blame for that from Carol and from then on she would give me the oldest, and run down taxis to drive. On Sunday she gave me one that felt like it was going to stop any minute and it had a broken seat (drivers seat), I have got a bad back and need to sit upright and couldn't adjust the seat and ended up with a bad back ache. I saw red, went home after an hour, left a rude note on the pay in and then said I QUIT. When the owner found this (he has 22 taxis) kept ringing me up and asking why and what had he done to make me so angry. I'm one of his better drivers and he didn't want me to leave, usually I just say nothing is wrong but this time I went in there and spoke to Terry. I told him eveything and 40 minutes later I was still in his office. Apparently he has lost other drivers because of Carol so he has spoken to her, so when we are there at the same there is alot of tension but she is not allowed to talk to me and has got no say over which car i drive. She has often said to Terry whats wrong with her, why wont she talk to anyone, She doesn't understand. Like I said to Terry going behind my back and talking about me will not fix up the problem, say it too my face and I respect people so much more for that

Jess333 · Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 6:54 am Post subject:

Neddy, that woman at your work, i wouldn't go as far as to call her a "lady". She sounds like a snake.

Hey, i will quote something from "Choose the happiness habit" for you to consider.

"about three months ago I was thinking about leaving my job. escaping would be more like it. Some of the poeple i woeked with were so negative and critical. when i told my boss i was offered another job, he counteroffered with such a large raise and other benefits that, after considering my options, i decided to stay for the next assignment. i'm in a freelance business, and for that amount of money i felt i could "grin and bear it" for a few more months. besides, i'd always wanted to know how it would feel to "laugh all the way to the bank".

I soon realized i had made the wrong decision. every morning as i walked from my car to my office i was miserable with anticipation and dread, thinking of the people i had to put up with. i t made me crazy! and to think i believed the money would make up for the misery i faced.

Then i began to use the principles taught in CHOOSE THE HAPPINESS HABIT. I immediately realized that i was focusing all my attention on people i didn't like at work instead of the ones that i did like!

Idecided to change my focus. As i waslked to my office each morning i consciously disciplined myself to think about the co-workers i thought were terific. i focused on how much i liked these people and how i hoped we would work together on many occasions during our careers. what a difference! i actually began to look forward to going to work!

The change in my attitude snowballed and began to affect other people around me. they started being more cheerful and fun to be around. it was hard for me to believe that such a simple action -taking control of my thoughts - could make such a huge difference. "

Neddy, usually people like that hate themselves and hate their lives, so they would rather take it out on other people rather than themselves, like we do. They feel a lack of control somehow in their lives and to somehow gain control back, they take advantage of other people. See her for what she is, and soon you will start to pity her. She's so unhappy that it gives her PLEASURE to hurt others. People like that never change, we do.

You are in a much more peaceful place than she is, even though you may not see it, YOU ARE in a better place in your life than she is, trust me.

Pity her..when you see her, tell yourself that she is lost and if it wasn't you, she would be trying to stab someone else's back.

Once you start working on your self-esteem, it's so funny how those types of snaky people slither off when they realize they're not AFFECTING YOU.

don't worry about what she is doing. You're only focus should be "how can i be the best employee? HOw can i do a good job? and if you're doing this and doing your job, that is DOING YOUR BEST..and that's all you can do. ignore her. she's lost and her heart is cold. let her ruin her own life.

try not to let such a mean person have control over you. when you're around her, try and think about all the things you like about yourself. Don't know what you like about yourself, THINK HARDER. List some things. think about it...what qualities do you like about yourself?

for instance: if you like your intelligence think : "i like how i can figure things out..i like my intelligence

i like my sense of practicality

I like how I never give up on trying to feel happier, i like my drive and ambition

things like these.

when you start to think about these things, and believing them, which is the important part, you'll start to feel better.

and i'll bet dollars to doughnuts if you do this in front of her and you start to feel more confident, she'll slither off.

and who cares if she's talking behind your back! everyone knows she's a snake.

you have to learn not to care. becuase HAPPY PEOPLE, NICE PEOPLE DON"T do that! they're comfortable with themselves and don't feel the need to hurt other people. those are the best people, let me tell ya.

so i hope this helps you feel better about that reptile you work with. neddy that woman is in every workplace. trust me, you can find her everywhere you go.

Keep your thoughts positive!

Very Happy

Jess