Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:36 pm Post subject: depression and social anxiety
hi i was wondering if anyone could relate to my experience of depression and social anxiety. I suffer from a depressive illness, and have done for at least ten years. I have been hospitalized four times with depression, one of those occasions being put under a section. I find that when i'm recovering from a depressive episode my social anxiety is a lot worse, even though in myself i feel happier. When i'm ill social situtaions don't bother me, is this common? it seems to me that i i'm either depresed and wanting to die, or happier but at the same time not wanting to go into social situations, subsequently isolating myself. i will be 26 this year and am terrified as to what the new year will hold, can anyone help?
I wish I could help you guest, you, me, and everyone else with this wretched curse we all share... It's difficult for me to imagine or comprehend that intese fear of PEOPLE could be caused by something pysically wrong with my brain, or part of my brain or head because it would seem that some other forms of intelligence or senses would be effected as well--- not just the part(s) that cause you to feel anxious, depressed, or terrorized.
I know one thing for sure, if I could help, if I knew of a certain cure for all of us, I wouldn't 'charge' for sharing the cure! I really need to question the authenticity of people that say they have been cured and want to sell books, CDS, etc., if they were a genuine sufferers & knew first hand the symptoms, etc., how could they possibly deprive anyone being cured for lack of money, or trust? Would they have paid for their presumed cure with no guarentees, etc.?
umm..well..when i find im 'down' (i wont call it depression as i have never been diagnosed to suffer from this and i do ont suffer in the ways common to depressives, though i cant say that ive never wanted to die....)
i wish to be out of the way of people simply because i hate myself, totally and utterly and so being around people would just seem..rediculous..but when i am quite happy..then my social phobia is average or quite low and i find myself hyper and able to act normally
the ironic thing about this whole thing is that my social anxiety is quite bad at the moment and i haven't seen anyone in 4 days. i would lov it to disappear i'm making myself go out tomorrow and try to do normal things, i want to stop being in limbo, waiting for the sa or the depression to catch up with me, plus i'm absolutely terrified of having to go back into hospital. So that's my motivation, i've wasted too much time already
Just the absolute worst thing for me is trying to come across as intelligent and well read. I am well educated but now I find myself stumbling for words and searching for something significant to say. It is pervasisve and all encompassing. Now I can only act and pretend to be enjoying myself and having fun. I feel like my brain is not the sponge I thought it was. I wish I could just accept who I am and move on in confidence
Fingers, you could be me. Seriously. A friend of mine constantly introduces me to her very cool, intelligent and free-thinking friends as 'her very cool, intelligent free-thinking friend'. Which prompts me to run away screaming, cos I feel anything but cool, intelligent and free-thinking at that moment. And although people tell me I'm smart (though they use the word 'gifted' - makes me feel like a 4400 o.0 LOL) I don't feel like I'm anything special. I'm just me. But I'm under added pressure to perform for people, to be extra witty or interesting cos of this label they've stuck on me...
So I have performance anxiety. *snigger*
Ah, humour. The last defence of the besieged mind.
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