Slowly getting worse

MH06 · Newbie User Joined: Jan 30, 2007 Posts: 21

Ok, well i have always been anxious about going to school and i often found it hard going in, this was when i was 10/11. When i got to school i was fine pretty quickly. I think it began with when i felt sick at school but couldt be with my mum at home straight away.
I soon got over this and was fine going to school in year six ( i was 12/13)

I have always had a routine of checking if i need the loo in the morning (not wee). I would get to school however fine.
Then in year 11 i had my mock exams and i started to feel nervous and anxious on the days i had exams and i started to think my nerves were linked to needing the loo and i was scared of it happening. I managed to get through my exams, feeling ok. After my last exam i expected to walk out of it and feel fine pretty much straight away. I didnt but i did feel less nervous and thus my fear of needing the loo went.

A couple of weeks later, i felt faint before going into a lesson. I started to panic... I got into lesson and 5 mins before the end i felt i had to leave. I left and rang my mum straight away, she came and picked me up.

This was when i started to feel nervous again about being in school, only now i was fearful of needing the loo. I think back and i think, what was i scared of? Now there is something to fear.

I then missed the first day back to school after the christmas holidays because i felt i could not stay in school, over the next few weeks i often had time out of school. One day, i felt i couldnt go to school but at the same time i didnt want to let my Dad down, he needed to get to work. So i pretended to leave but then stayed at home. I was very upset, i told someone on msn that i trusted (internet friends from newgrounds Razz

)I got to school for the next couple of weeks fine, going back to my dads house (with permission) at lunch. We then broke up for half term.

So anyway, this is whats happening now.
Holidays at last! Smile

. This would be great, however. I went to a DIY store with my grandma to buy a couple of things. Waiting for some wood to be cut for me i started to get anxious, what if this feeling i get at school happened anywere i wasnt near my own loo or a friends or one i didnt mind using. I paniced and i wanted to get out, we got out quickly but i was the whole time thinking what if we still dont get home quick enough. We did, and while we were 2 mins from home i felt completly fine. I felt stupid.
I now fear leaving the house at all because these panic's could happen at anytime. I went into town the next day, i knew it would only take me 30 mins to walk in and then back home. But once i was in town i felt anxious, i wanted to get home. (not cause i was in a busy place but because i was 10 mins from home) i got home and i generally felt fine walking home again.

I went out today, i said to my mum, i dont want to come i cant! She said you cant let this take over everything you do. Come with me. She forced me to come. I got there and i paniced again, only mum was there so i started to feel better. I was calm-ish , but we still left for home. Stopping 5 mins on the journey home we went for a little walk only 100m from the car and stood there looking at the woods, doing what we should have done. I got back in the car and we went home. I had controlled it but i still fear it happening. I have school on Monday, how will i cope? I need some help fast before this keeps me at home, only a few months from the begining of my GCS'Es. If i couldnt go 10 mins into town how will i go to school.

Any help would be really appreciated. Thanks for reading it, i know its long Smile

Thanks!

MH06 · Newbie User Joined: Jan 30, 2007 Posts: 21

Oh and just to let you know, im preddicted all A's except in French a B.

In my mocks i got mainly A's and the rest B's. (5 A's) So im doing well Very Happy

But i dont think this is related to my feelings. Although i am concerned i might just stay at home all day and all these years of work will have been wasted. My dream job is to be a graphic designer.. Well thanks for any help.

MH06 · Newbie User Joined: Jan 30, 2007 Posts: 21

ok, ive been to school now. Ive been to about 3/4 full days over the space of about 3 weeks.

Today was a sucess because i went into school at 9.30 (half hour late) studied in the libary on my own then went to second lesson. Went home at 11.30 and came back at 2.15 for last lesson till 3.15. 2 lessons..

Its really hard on my mum and dad too, and i keep saying im sorry but i just need to get into school.

Any advice? on my whole story

MH06 · Newbie User Joined: Jan 30, 2007 Posts: 21

I had moday off, tuesday and wednesday i spent the whole day in the libary on my own except the last 2 lessons where i managed to get into them.
Today, i couldnt get in. I was so frustrated. I wanted to be in school but i couldnt because in my mind i thought/knew i was going to panic if i stayed in school so instead of signing in i just walked home.
Sad

help?

Tryin · Advanced User Joined: Sep 04, 2006 Posts: 413

Hi MH06. Welcome on the site. I am afraid I don't have any special advice for you, but it would be a pleasure for me to exchange some PM's with you, so write me some time, please.

So long, and I wish you luck overcoming your demons.
Sue

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annaballerina · Newbie User Joined: Apr 02, 2007 Posts: 1

PLease dont be tough on yourself.
I totally understand how you feel. I am currently dealing with the same issue as you. afraid to go out or be in situations where no easy 'escape' is available, in case i need to go to toilet/vomit/panic.
however, dont be disheartened; ive made progress. im taking therapy and talking through the issues.
it could be low self confidence, it is with me. you need to be confident that you can cope, that you can handle anything, anywhere. the 'safe' places dont exist (home, school, work, near a toilet, not on a bus etc), it is merely your own perception. you can make yourself safe and you need to learn to soothe yourself (as i am doing)... i have spent years hiding behind other people to make me feel better and for reassurance. you have to turn to yourself and face the emotion, however hard it is in the beginning, its not as bad as it makes you feel if you dont do that.
the only way to deal with it is to face the fear and handle the situation well. I read a realy good book which has given me strength, 'overcoming anxiety' by helen kennedy, using cognitive techniques.
out brain learns associaions and these can be unlearned, with practice and time.
dont think your alone, adn dont think that there is something wrong with you. we all have blips, but its how we pick ourselves up thats important. have confidence in yourself.
let me know how you get on
lol Rolling Eyes

NotCreepy · Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 8:43 am Post subject:

I constantly feel alone in a crowd. I feel as if people are pointing at me and laughing behind my back. I don't know where to put my hands to not look/feel odd/funny... I don't know what it is, and I don't know if anyone can relate. I am afraid of knives abd don't know why. I'll just stay home.

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Thanks,
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Lozz · Newbie User Joined: Apr 19, 2007 Posts: 5

I also get that "need the loo every time I'm in a suituation where I cant go to the loo" thing.. In an exam it would be the worst, if i knew I had to sit there for 3 hours I would end up busting for the loo an hour in. Then when it finished I wouldnt need to go. It happens in the cinema too and all sorts of places l where i "HAVE" to sit for a certain amount of time.

I wish I kinew a way to cure that. I've had it since I was little how long have you had that problem MH06?

MH06 · Newbie User Joined: Jan 30, 2007 Posts: 21