Has anxiety prevented intimate emotional relationships?

mufan · Newbie User Joined: Mar 12, 2007 Posts: 16

I am thirty years old and unmarried. I feel like my anxiety is the reason for this. I feel trapped and anxious whenever I get in a relationship and eventually it leads to the end of it. I always keep people at a distance and am slow to warm up to people but i always keep them far enough away that I can walk whenever I want. When I get in a relationship it is as if the expectations on me are too great and the anxiety sets in and eventually she will get out or I will end it. Am I alone here?

Vincent · Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:46 am Post subject:

With those you have been with, have you told them about your anxiety problem?

To really get close to someone, I think you must totally expose yourself to them; to trust them. This mean exposing yourself to huge pain should they reject you when you have given them all of you, they could reject you completely. But, there are no half ways with love. I think its important to get as close as possible to someone for as long as possible before marrying.

Me? I was in love twice. Both times was dumped. The latter got together with my housemate, who was also my friend. It hurt like hell. I couldn't understand why it happened, Id given her all of me. I though I knew her not to be cruel.

Havent taken any chances with my heart now. I aim low. Pursue women I don't really want. Play games with their hearts. I'm tired of others loving me and not reciprocating. Im tired of guilt. Its either lonliness, guilt or pain. Can only be the first or last now. But the last has the option of more, much more. Life is only truly lived in love I think.

Hope this is of use.
Very Happy

_________________
I love acting. It is so much more real than life. - Oscar Wilde

t0keR · Newbie User Joined: Mar 07, 2007 Posts: 35 Location: OKC

no your not alone at all! my family is ALWAYS bugging me about "y i never have a boyfriend, ur pretty enough" i think the thought of me being gays even crossed their minds! Shocked

my first boyfriend wasnt until this yr (10th grade) and we went out 4 all of 1 wkend (he had 2 other girlfriends) and ive ALWAYS been paranoid about my 1st kiss id think i KNOW ill suck at it and i cant blame it on it bein my 1st time cuz i cant let them kno and justnow on 1 on 1 she started crying becuz she wasted her 1st kiss on her best guy friend and it ended up he didnt like her like that i dont think thats a waste- mine deffinatly was. Sad

then my next bf last a few months and thats it. most guys dont even want me enough to work past my extreme nervous stage but if they do (FEW will) ill say no 2 goin out or wont answer their calls which makes it totally akward when i c them! im scared 2 fall in love cuz i dont want my heart broke but i love guys so much and want love soooo much hopefully one will come soon that will like me enough to put up w/ my SA and "nonexperience" lol Smile

_________________
HeY YaLL iTS DYiNG-iNSiDe :]

--------mrmojorisin--------

Pharao · Newbie User Joined: Jan 14, 2007 Posts: 4

I get this all the time. I can't talk to people at all. im 17 and never had a gf. I hate this question so much.

hamandcheese · Newbie User Joined: Mar 13, 2007 Posts: 39

Hi

Vincent hit the nail on the head with this one. I'm 21 now and I'm with my girlfriend a year now (my first girlfriend), who I'm madly in love with.

At different points I tried twice to have a relationship with girls I really liked from the age of 18 onwards, and I wrecked it with both of them.

They were mad about me and I really liked them, they were my type, attractive but not false looking and really fun and sweet.

I acted like a cold fish to them and I dumped them, because I couldn't handle my anxious feelings. I basically put up a front and did everything to avoid them finding out I have Social Anxiety.

I eventaully realised that my problem was that I was not being open or honset about who I really was. I found out that you have to tell your partner your most intimate details. It might sound like a cliche but relationships really are built on trust.

Funny thing actually, I had the reverse thing happen to me from a third attempt at a relationship before I met my girlfriend. A girl from college with anxiety issues and who self-harmed, was basically a cold-fish to me when we started seeing each other. All I can say is that it's a horrible thing to be on the receiving end of someone who won't talk to you.

Open yourself up to the next partner who comes along and see how it changes how you feel about them and they you. I bet it all works out.

Good luck!

Van · Newbie User Joined: Apr 11, 2007 Posts: 11

i had a few relationships and they have all been bad cause i end up getting hurt or the girl just doesn't understand so i end it...but i have never had a relationship i truly enjoyed because of my non-going out ness.

the_paladin · Newbie User Joined: May 13, 2007 Posts: 4

I've recently started dating this woman whom I might suspect also has social anxiety, just like me. A couple of days ago, I took her out for dinner, then watched a movie at my place before dropping her off for the night. Right before I left, I gave her a hug out of the blue.. it felt really awkward and I ended up apologizing to her afterwards without having given it a second thought. She didn't seem mad or surprised but I can't bring myself to face her again.. (although deep down, I don't feel it was such a big deal.)

I'm 24 and have had only limited success with intimate relationships in my entire life. I don't have an extensive social circle, and almost everyone in it is male.