Joined: Sep 30, 2004 Posts: 758 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2004 2:51 am Post subject:
The reason for my fear is I value people and therefore their opinion of me. To you this may be childish, selfish and inhumane but hey no ones perfect. I realise I should just care about myself and fuck what other people think and not value their friendship and opinions..Oh no wait….that’s what I do isn’t it? I’m a misanthrope so I actually hate people. Sorry I’m a bit confused. Yeah I’m a bad person because I worry about myself. Self referential behaviour like eating, drinking, breathing that kind of thing….and god forbid such desires like having friends, wanting to be liked are terrible I agree. And anyone who worries about themselves is obviously incapable of acting in an unselfish way. Like all those parents who worry about being a good parent or whether their kids like them……disgusting. Obviously incapable of ever doing what’s in the kids best interest. Yeah because I care about myself I can’t care for anyone else, its kind of obvious now.
"I want to protect some kind of image that I am trying to project to you. I want to control your thoughts and especially control how you perceive me. These motivations are all about SELF."
Yeah you mean like wanting to make a good impression right? Shame on me. I just wonder if I don’t genuinely like (cos I’m misanthropic so I actually hate people) the person I’m mind controlling (and yeah super powers are cool) why would I bother? It’s like if I only cared for myself why can’t I just lie and charm women into bed. Why if all I want is a superficial acceptance for an illusion I create don’t I create an impressive image. Why don’t I care about wealth, status, being cool etc. Or at least try to achieve these things so I’ve a better chance of getting my selfish way with people.
"A man could be nice and respectful because he loves you and wants to express his love to you, or he could be nice and respectful because he wants to project a certain image about himself and does not want to be judged negatively"
Again why would I fear negative judgement by someone I didn’t respect and/or love let alone hate them. So if I like someone and be nice to them I don’t really like them it’s just……pride and ass saving. I know I should be rude and offensive but …..I guess the SP is too deeply ingrained. Its just odd that normal people can be polite and nice but if you have SP suddenly its false. Obvious if you have SP you’re no longer human, no damn I forget it’s misanthropy which is why it’s called social phobia and not misanthropy. Oh well I’m no psychologist. Which would be useful to try and understand why the same rules don’t apply to women.. Or why if normal people dress up to make a good impression or to project a better image of themselves so they might attract someone they aren’t misanthropic…..is everyone who has ever cared what people think about them misanthropic? I mean if you value someone or think they are really special surely you want them to like you. I guess caring about what people think of you is just crazy for a social animal.
No no I get it, it’s about being genuine…..instead of being me I should do what strippers tell me to….yeah be the real me that other people decide upon, like learning to act like a man….dont just be a man by a gender default…..throw away my own personality and instead conform to a narrow minded, ignorant stereotype of what a real man is. Cool. That sounds really genuine, decent and grown up to me.
It's complicated, I know, but it's worth being honest with yourself, at least for just one moment. Self-consciousness is what it is, and is 100% about focusing on YOURSELF and not much about concern for others, no matter how much you want to dress it up and claim that you are anxious because you have genuine love and concern for others. Socially anxious people care about protecting themselves from criticism -- which is narcissistic, childish, and pointless. Give it up.
Talk to strippers, they know what's up. Their hourly rate may be even less than a head shrinker, so it's like money in the bank.
his simplistic answers are so funny. Typical he doesn't address anything yoss says. Is it because he is too insecure to question his own belief system...that's both hypocritical and insecure.
Yoss makes some very logical points that stripper refuses to acknowledge. It's like he comes in here (because he is humble and loving?) to teach us something... but instead of carrying on an honest dialogue and acknowledging that he himself maybe wrong, he chooses to be dishonest and talk past everyone. It's almost like he is projecting: everything that he acuses SA sufferers of he himself can be shown guilty of.
I've dated a stripper before... while she was a loving and artistic person she was no more qualified to give advice about life than any average person off of the street.
at one time in kindergarden kids where taught that slavery is correct and women should be subordinate to men. Not so much by words, but by the actions of the adults around them.
Joined: Sep 30, 2004 Posts: 758 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2004 7:03 pm Post subject:
Thanks for your advice Strip but I don't have a specific problem talking to women. My fear is general but I agree it might help some people. I am also glad it helped you.
I just want to contend the issue that SP is about absolute self-absorbment. You can argue till the cows come home but I know what's in my heart. Everyone is made up of the same emotions, but varying to unique degrees. So everyone is self-conscious. It would be hard to go to the toilet if I wasn't aware of where I was.
I am too self conscious I agree. I don't want to be SP. It's basically cost me the last ten years of my life. But to say I have no compassion or empathy with others or that I am 100% self-conscious is as worrydoll said, ludicrous. I really don't understand where you get this claim from.
You have also said SP is narcissism and misanthropy but these are three completely different things.
Stripper seems to take some valid points and then not nuance them to the average overanalyzing SPer's liking.
I think he's spot on in that the anxiety is all about you-- what you think others think of you, how your body is reacting, how you will react to how others react to you... it's all about getting away from your self, getting out of your head, at least for a while, and putting something besides our own feelings first...
I think it's way overboard to equate SA with narcissism, self-centeredness, unmanliness, and other nasty-sounding things.... but there are useful parallels to think about there. As usual, coming from a non-SP person, it will sound harsh. But I'm usre if I gave advice to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (which I definitely don't have), I would also come off as harsh, or non-understanding.
SA IS kinda like self-consciousness gone nuts on steroids. We have to stop paying such extreme amounts of attention to ourselves; in effect, realize that everything isn't "all about us" (in the sense that often IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE how we react to a situation, or how it makes us feel.... "half of life is just showing up" as someone once said-- we need to show up more).
Stripper is much more with it than the other trolls and semitrolls we've seen here lately. Though I still wonder where all these nonSPers are finding SP sites, and then going on them to offer advice (or abuse, in some cases). I wouldn't hang out at a web site for, say, fibromyalgia, cuz I don't have it....
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they never taught me that one 
