Love-Shyness

floridateen18 · Newbie User Joined: Jun 25, 2007 Posts: 13

I've read a few pages of responses to the first thread here, and i noticed most guys that are "love-shy" are saying nearly the same thing.

I also noticed somone mentioned David DeAngelo, while this guy may be a guru with women, and he may come across as a bad person if you start to read some of his material, he does have many useful tips about women, and its not all about sleeping with women, his "double your dating " e- book is all about finding confidence in yourself, and then learning the basic skill of meeting women.

I would recommend reading some of his material if you are completely dumbfounded and just lost when it comes to finding and meeting the type of woman you would like to talk to, date, or do whatever your pure or evil soul would like to do with your new skill.

Heres my take on it, though it may be informative, you have to be careful, i made the mistake of starting a relationship backwards from his materials, i had sex with a really hot senior when i was a juinor in high school, though i thought it was a major accomplishment, it was completely unhealthy emotionally and i soon found out how not to keep a girlfriend.

I am now trying it the different way, even though i know the "secrets" of turning on women, and how to get into their pants whenver i want to, i feel like a complete dickhead for even knowing it. I mean i did have fun, i was with other hot girls besides this one i told you, but im not trying to compare here, i want to just warn you "shy-lovers" out there there is hope, and there is love out there for you, but you must judge for yourself if love is something that you want to experience in life, and if it is, then you should start loving, it doesnt have to start with a man or a woman, but love is one language, its giving and its not being greedy, if you can understand that, then your already loving yourself and your closer to finding love then you thought you may be Very Happy

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Goku_ODPhi_1987 · Newbie User Joined: Sep 28, 2008 Posts: 12

I wanted to give my life experiences as a love shy guy...

The main reason why I decided to join up here at the social phobia world board is because of my love shyness, because other than that, I feel that I live a very normal and healthy lifestyle, although I almost killed myself when I was 17 because I moved to a new high school away from my friends for my senior year where I didn't know ANYBODY while everyone else was enjoying their senior year, I fell into a deep depression and one night I was about to stab myself in the heart and end it all, but thank the Lord that I changed my mind at the last possible instant, and how glad am I that I did!!! Laughing

My life took a drastic turn for the better since then, I connected with new friends, my fraternity brothers who are a REAL BROTHERHOOD, the reason being that they have accepted me for who I am and not only that encourage me to be unique in my interests and my mannuerisms, I recently graduated college and even though I'm still looking for a job, I'm confident I'll find one soon...

But getting back to the topic at hand, I am love shy for many reasons, I have never had a girlfriend ever, ever since my first crush when I was 13, I've now lived almost twice that time and I still haven't found anyone. I have still yet to have my first kiss, lose my virginity, and just barely held a girl's hand for the first time two summers ago we went to go watch a chick flick, which also was my first true official date ever also, and she reached out and held my hand and I was like, "wtf is this.....ooooo I like...." Laughing

unfortunately the next day she broke off our dating.

Using sports terms I have a career record of 0-9 in career relationship tries but the last two were closer than ever because at least I got to officially "date" them unlike just being turned down on the spot, even though both dated me for only a week each... Evil or Very Mad

Continuing, I consider myself to be very introverted and shy, I feel that because of my life experiences growing up I was made fun of constantly for my weight and my name, I have a unisex name but little children only thought of it as a girls name so they had a field day with it, but once I got older I became a little more accepted in high school until that traumatic event where I had to change schools and no one gave me a chance to get to know them, so because of that I retreated into my shell and I hated every day of that God forsaken year, it caused me to distrust everyone because I felt that everyone would stab me in the heart so for the next couple of years in college I had alot of anger, bitterness, and resentment towards everyone, but then I met these new guys and they helped me to change for the better, to trust people again, and I can see the massive changes in my life.

But I only feel comfortable when I'm with my family and my brothers, everyone else I just can't open up to because of what I've gone through in the past. I hate going to social places such as clubs and parties because I feel uncomfortable at these places, all of these people who I don't know is just agony for me, unless again I'm with my brothers then I feel a little better but I'll still just stand in the corner with my beer just chilling and that's what I'll do the entire evening, I just can't meet new people, and this translates to women.

Western gender roles dictate that men are supposed to be the aggressor's when dating, but why??? I can graduate from college but dating is just something so much more difficult??? Why should the burden be on the male just because he's a male??? It's very hard to have the confidence that women say they find attractive when you have nothing to build off of or show for it, how can someone have confidence when they've never had a girlfriend??? Now granted like I said earlier I've made lots of improvements in the last couple of years by actually getting to date a pair of women, I've gained confidence in what I have to offer as a good boyfriend, a college degree, a good job soon which means responsibility, and is a great guy because of what all of my friends tell me, if someone else says it than it carries more weight than if you just believe it yourself, plus I've grown my hair out and I just absolutely love how I look with it it gives me so much more confidence in my appearance to make up for my not so thin stature...

But going back at my age its just not socially acceptable to be in my predicament, I graduated college a virgin I mean c'mon I don't know ANYONE personally who can say that??? And to top it off a frat boy right??? That guy should've gotten laid a long time ago, not that I'm comparing myself to the stereotypical frat boy because I'm not I didn't join my brotherhood to hook up, I joined for the guys and everyone else doesn't matter, but at least I don't have to ever worry about being lonely anymore thanks to my guys, but it would be nice to finally find someone, someone that I can take with me to my planned trip to Europe: London, Paris, Rome, I want my girl by my side for all of that, hopefully someday someone will give this nice guy the chance he deserves... Wink

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ΩΔΦ Goku, 悟空, the Saiyan Knight

sad311 · Newbie User Joined: Oct 24, 2008 Posts: 1

I've spent 21 years without out a female companion in this world. It's been a source of embarrassment, deep sadness and frustration. During my teenage years is when it got the worst, when I consider suicide and cause harm to myself. I've spent three years of my life daily obsessing over one girl and got into using drugs just to be near another. It's only though the acceptance of god and Involvement with Christianity that got me together and keep me going.
It's not like I have trouble talking to girls for the most part, it's just that I can't seem to sum up the courage to kiss a girl or ask her on a date. I just can't do it. I've had chances before but I'm shy and deeply afraid of rejection. I mean I don't drive and a have a crappy job so I figure no woman would ever want me anyway. I've even come to accept the fact that I'm just going to spend the rest of my life alone.
I've had other men think I was a homosexual because of my never having a girlfriend and this is very embarrassing and awkward. I"ve had guys tell me they love me and one guy even offered sex to me once, and all I told him was why couldn't you just be a girl. It means nothing when A guy comes on to me because I not gay,I love woman but they never seem to love me back.
I do hold a lot of anger to female because of this. They want to be treated as equals in every way yet in this one very important part of are society it still like a unwritting law that men have to make every move. All they have to do is sit back and watch us fall over each other at there feet. And when A guy like me come alone I figure that all get a good laugh out of me for even trying.
I mean I'll take any woman (so long as she's not overweight, just being honest). And because of my beliefs I don't even want sex, I just want a woman to be my wife and spend the rest of my life with. But I guess this is just a pipe dream, some men just have to spend their lives alone. Love is a very painful word for me.