Oh no (((((((Thelema)))))) When you're ready to talk about it, I'm here if you want.
Thank you Roxy. You've helped me
I'll try and back log what happened probably tomorrow, but it's kinda painful. I'm waiting for a respone from her...I asked her if she really wants me to wait for her. More on that later
_________________
Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything
be thou therefore without fear for in the heart of the coward virtue abideth not.
She hasn't messaged me back...so I guess she lied to me again and I just sent a message to Sara...
Okay so some of the stuff you missed. I did go to prom after all. She found a way to get me in. I was too scared to dance at first until Ganina showed me how. Her butt rubbing my crotch did nothing for me but just hugging Hollyann and I can't control it...strange. Maybe its the dancing since when Hollyann did the same thing I didn't get an erection either.
After prom she got news that her family is moving to Arizona. She didn't message me for a few days after she got this news and I didn't know about it. I was a wreck...crying...feeling like shit thinking I must have done something and she was breaking up with me. She still didn't tell me until later that she decided to stay after all so I was feeling alright again...after this things went down hill. She's obviously stressed out because she needs to find a place to live and she's leaving her family and she also lost her job.
She won't talk about this and doesn't want me comforting her...she would rather ignore me and push me away. On friday the day before the big all star bowling tournament and after her not talking to me since tuesday she breaks up with me over text messaging. At first I was kinda shocked and it didn't sink in to the freaking 3 hour drive to the tournament...I had 3 hours of nothing but sitting there thinking about it. I felt like complete crap. During this drive she decides to text me that she wants to talk but I was in no mood to talk and I thought it was kind of incensitive of her to expect me to want to have anything to do with her the day she broke up with me. After we got up there and we were finding a hotel and food and stuff I decided to text her that I didn't want to talk and if I did I would talk to her...after a little bit of conversation I decided I would before the tournament. The next day I didn't feel like seeing her then so I waited until it was over.
We talked and during this she tells me she does love me....I'm mad about that right now....and goes on to tell me that the night before she got naked with 2 people in the shower and almost got jizzed on. I'm not even going to start to tell you how that hurts me. That night I got no sleep and had all the more time to sit and think about her breaking up with me and her telling me she LOVES me.
I decided to ask her if she wants to try and work things out before its too late and she says we have to talk. During the 2 day tournament I had to bowl 6 hours without rest for both days...When I'm stressed I can't eat so I ate nothing...I didn't get any sleep either...some of the worst days of my life....
We talk and she says she's too stressed out right now and asks me if I'll wait for her until things cool down and I said I did. I take this to mean what she said...that she does love me and just needs some time out of the relationship to deal with her life.
The next day she does a myspace survey where it asks if she is honestly in love and she answers no...I was sad and mad when I read that since she just said she loved me....then it asks if she likes anybody and she says she did...obviously this isn't me...so I sent her the message "really?" and got nothing back from her so I got mad and deleted her from my friends and thats it...I was so tempted to talk to her but I was mad and tried to get some will power together...then I remembered Sara. I will wait for real love...the kind I feel and I thought she felt too...but if she is going to play games then she isn't and I won't...so I sent her a message asking her if she really wants me to wait for her...no answer so I'm not going to talk to her again and as far as I'm concerned she's completely out of my life for good. I just sent a message to Sara....
I'm very hurt because she always told me how special what we had together was to her and it seems they were all just words...and when she told me she loved me it was a lie
_________________
Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything
be thou therefore without fear for in the heart of the coward virtue abideth not.
OK, I'm not sure who Sara or Ganina are...I don't think you've mentioned them before?
Hollyann sounds like she has a lot going on, like with her family moving away... is she close with them? It's stressful finding a place to live/moving and a job. And that thing about the shower Maybe she's hurting about something and acting out?
I don't wanna speak for other people, but from my experience...I know about the pushing away thing, when someone tried to reach out I used to ignore them..still do sometimes. I've also had guy I was with try to get with my friends..it's a real mindfuck, messed with my self-esteem for awhile..but then I realize he's the one with the problem. You should try to communicate with her about what's going on in her mind, not just the whole are you with me or not. If she keeps playing games, you should just let her go..
Ganina is one of her friends and Sara is an old crush of mine from years ago.
Yeah she's realllyyyyy close to her family and especially her mom
She pretty much said well I needed a shower and I didn't want to wake the girl I'm staying with up so I took a shower with them. I think she could have just waited until the morning to take the shower...and I didn't mention it before but the next night when she got drunk a guy on the bowling team tried to have sex with her. I was pissed off at the guy at first and still am since he knows what was going on but how the hell did she get in that situation in the first place? She told me he showed her his penis and knowing him I don't think she was being so innocent since he isn't some asshole...Its a real ego killer that I never saw her naked but some guy is jizzing on her in the shower...kill me now....
Thats the thing. She doesn't want to talk about it. Actually she doesn't want to talk to me since she's done nothing but ignore me since last monday when she asked if I would wait for her. I haven't done anything bad to her and haven't done anything that deserves me being ignored. Even if she wasn't going to date me again I still care about her
I've gotten no response from her. What am I supposed to do? If she doesn't want me to wait why can't she just freaking tell me?! Doesn't she know how confusing she's being? As far as I know she's found some other guy and just wants me to stop bothering her
She's drinking and smoking and getting naked in showers and have guys try to have sex with her...this isn't the girl I knew
I came to the conclusion a while ago love is really just a selfish thing and I'm seeing the proof everywhere
_________________
Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything
be thou therefore without fear for in the heart of the coward virtue abideth not.
I also wonder if I should be worrying less about what she wants and more about what I want. I don't deserve to have my feelings played around with...It would have been better if she never said those things to me and just broke up with me and ended it all. I would have felt worse then but I wouldn't be confused now...I guess I don't want to end it because the relationship meant so much to me...too much for my own good maybe...I donno
_________________
Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything
be thou therefore without fear for in the heart of the coward virtue abideth not.
Ohh Thelema..I'm sorry you were hurt like this. But I say stay away from her...easier said than done when you have strong feelings I know, but don't invest any more emotional energy in this. I wouldn't send her any more messages if I were you.
Thank you Roxy. Thats what I'm going to do
_________________
Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything
be thou therefore without fear for in the heart of the coward virtue abideth not.
Joined: Jul 14, 2006 Posts: 594 Location: Australia
Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 11:11 am Post subject:
I never ever in a million years thought I would say anything like this.....but I think maybe you should let her go for awhile (I know thats rich coming from me, haha)
Think about it, because the naked shower thing just sounds a little strange to me.
Don't make the same mistake I did and waste ages worrying about someone who maybe doesn't love you like you deserve to be.
I forgave my ex-boyfriend for saying he wanted to sleep with a man (and for sleeping with one) and look where it got me.....no-where, just empty and sick.
I'm sure if you're meant to be together you will be
_________________ We're not mental or anything, so don't be afraid.
Wayne Campbell
I never ever in a million years thought I would say anything like this.....but I think maybe you should let her go for awhile (I know thats rich coming from me, haha)
Think about it, because the naked shower thing just sounds a little strange to me.
Don't make the same mistake I did and waste ages worrying about someone who maybe doesn't love you like you deserve to be.
I forgave my ex-boyfriend for saying he wanted to sleep with a man (and for sleeping with one) and look where it got me.....no-where, just empty and sick.
I'm sure if you're meant to be together you will be
Unless she contacts me, I'm never talking to her again. Ignoring me for no reason is not nice and makes me feel like super crap besides just the usual crap feeling
Its hard not to think of her...everything reminds me of her. Its especially hard when I wake up and when I go to sleep. I usually end up crying like a sorry piece of crap...
If she loved me I don't see how she could hurt me and treat me like this.
The only thing that makes me feel better is what I said to myself when I was really nervous when we started hanging out. "These are the best problems I can have." Hurt I believe is better than emptiness. I think there's a song actually that goes along the same lines that pain is better than nothing
Thats terrible Emma. You poor thing.
_________________
Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything
be thou therefore without fear for in the heart of the coward virtue abideth not.
Thanks Roxy. I would have thought you would have given up on reading my whining by now
Its sooo hard. Like today we were going to go to some gay pride thing. I wonder if she thinks about me at all....Still the confusion is the worst part. Girls...you make no sense, ya know that?
I'm going to an evaluation thing for school tomorrow. Hopefully school work will take up my thinking. I'm also trying to find a part time job
_________________
Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything
be thou therefore without fear for in the heart of the coward virtue abideth not.
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Maybe she's hurting about something and acting out?
