life going nowhere

DingDangDoo · Newbie User Joined: Aug 04, 2007 Posts: 3

Yep, Virtue.... Been there done that and still going Mad

I don't know my birth father but always wanted to. Winds up that he died 2 months before I was born! Anyway, I was taken from my mother when I was 4 and my brother and sister were taken too. We are all adopted into separate families now. I don't see them. I have had 2 serious relationships which have resulted in 2 beautiful children but 2 failed relationships. I don't see my son as he is nearly 2000kms away. My daughter I see regularly thank god. My last relationship ended when I woke up and we went down the street and I ended up numb as all hell on my left side. I went to the hospital and they couldn't explain it. 1 month later I was driving and felt a pain in my head and my left side went numb again and I went out to it! You guessed it... I ran into a parked car on the nature strip and came too 200m up the road. I am now seeing a Neurologist and they say that I can't drive blah, blah, blah. That's when my relationship went to hell! My motto is: "Love life like a hole in the head" Things now seem to be looking up a bit but socially I still suck... Oh well, I can always rely on my pal the INTERNET Laughing

YankeeBob · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2007 Posts: 113

My name is Bob. I am new to this site.

I have a suggestion...it might work for you.

Try going to an AA meeting.

There you will meet many men and women who experienced a cycle of despair in their lives. And used booze as a crutch to cope.

Part of the AA program is to get up and talk about what is troubling you/me. Slowly ...as we learn that its ok to open up and talk about what is going on inside ...we learn a new way of living.

I am not guaranteeing it will work for you. But it might.

be well.

rado31 · Expert User Joined: Sep 15, 2006 Posts: 693

i was considering this. Although rite now i dont have drinking problem coz i dont drink. because its making me even more 'anxious'.

YankeeBob · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2007 Posts: 113

Rado.....some of these observations/suggestions come from my own journey to SHIFT from a lonely, independent man to a healthier happier person.

By the way I started all this when I was 53 and didn't know what the hell was wrong. Just knew something was wrong. Am now turning 58.

One of the things I have come to realise was that I needed to make healthy choices. Because I used to procrastinate a lot this was never apparent to me.

I found going to a group meeting and learning to talk about "what I was feeling and thinking" was a big breakthrough.

Since I have a brother who was then an alcoholic I started going to Al Anon. There I learned slowly to talk about my pain. One night I cried ...I sobbed for over ten minutes as I tried to talk about my feelings for my brother. First time in my life I ever cried.

My brother has since accepted that he has a drinking problem. And he has gone to AA. And amazingly I have been to AA meetings with him, and heard bits of his drinking story.

For me...and this is just my take on it....keeping our feelings and thoughts bottled up inside is unhealthy. Why - well it results in obsessive thinking and sort of traps us with our own thoughts. Its like there is a poison in our minds and we need to talk about it to get the poison out.

Does that make sense?

Of course, I was pretty dumb. I had to wait until I was 53 to learn to change.

The other thing you might try is some exercise. I used to go bike riding and hiking (bushwalking ) by myself. Hell I did everything all my life by myself.

So when I worked out that this was an issue, I realised that I should try joing a hiking club. VNPA was very good for me.

And there is also many bike clubs around town.

The third thing I wish to share with you concerns realtionships. If I ( or anyone with our issues ) expect ONE and only one person to be good for us we probably are making a mistake. You see that is like an upside down pyramid.

We are USING one person to make us feel good about ourselves. It might work for a short time, but if that relationship goes south then we are back all alone again.

A steady table has at least four legs. So you might want to think about acquiring four friends into your life. That way you don't become dependant on just one person.

Am I making sense here ?

Do ask me any questions you might have about this stuff. Or any other questions you might have.

You are not alone.

Emma · Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 1:23 pm Post subject:

I wish Social Phobia was a turd in a toilet bowl, then I could flush it away.

My life seems to be an endless humiliation and its going nowhere

_________________
We're not mental or anything, so don't be afraid.
Wayne Campbell

SocialRetahd · Expert User Joined: Dec 02, 2006 Posts: 762

I am omega.

I am all inferior.

recluse · Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 8:01 pm Post subject:

SocialRetahd · Expert User Joined: Dec 02, 2006 Posts: 762

"nice personality".....hmmmm

I would say it means you are ok - average.

YankeeBob · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2007 Posts: 113

Here is something to think about.

There are two kinds of beauty. Outer Beauty ( OB ) and Inner Beauty (IB).

Our western civilization emphasizes OB.

White teeth, muscular build for males, slender for both genders, long hair for women, etc etc.

Let me tell you that the passage of years will result in deterioriation of OB. Women will get pregnant, loose their slenderness and shape that used to give them self esteem and confidence. Gravity will mean that their faces start to sag.

Because they are obsessed with OB they will spend more and more on cosmetics, diets, gym trainers, and plastic surgery.

I am a 58 year old man so this of course is from the other age that some of you.

And muscular young men will get office jobs, put on weight, develop guts and then huge guts. And their teeth will start to yellow from food and nicotine, and the wrinkles on their faces will get deeper and more prononunced as every ten years go by.

SO IF THIS IS TRUE FOR ALL HUMAN BEINGS WHY DO WE PUT SO MUCH EMPHASIS on OB ?

Is this obsession a form of making us feel good about ourselves, or is to compare ourselves with others - which makes us feel good.

If it is that is very sad.

INNER BEAUTY is about thoughtfulness, kindness, gentle, caring, listening to others with problems. Sharing our time and if asked for advice give it unconditionally ( not expecting it to be followed ). IB lasts all one's life. It does not get wrinkles, it does not get fat. IB is a constant.

Someone of you might think this is too "philosophical" because you want SELF ESTEEM right now. This instant.

That desire is what they call INSTANT SELF GRATIFICATION.

We have instant coffee, instant money out of an ATM, instant internet access.....so why is it so hard to get INSTANT SELF ESTEEM?

I don't know. I just now it takes time.

Be well.