wow, i can totally relate to all of you. But thank god im out of school now, i hated it. but really, for most of my high school years i was basically homeschooled. well not really homeschooled but kind of. i still did have to go to school every so often. but anyways...
before i was in this "homeschool" thing i had to deal with all the crap at school. i was extremley shy and kinda afraid of the people at my school. well i went to a school that was mostly made up of kids that other schools wouldnt accept because they were trouble makers. and little nice, shy, quiet me had to deal with them everyday. i didnt talk to anybody there cause i really didnt want to. and i basically tried to be invisible. i HATED talking infront of the class and when i knew i had to do some speach in the next few days, i would be sick to my stomach thinking about it and i wouldnt beable to sleep one bit. so ya, thats how my school years went...horribly
I dropped out. High school was just overwhelming for me. I didn't want to attract any attention to myself and just felt overly self conscious about everything. Like for example, whereas usually you know you..say.. need to throw something in the garbage. Most people just go throw it in the garbage. I have to contemplate the whole thing for a few minutes. Like look at all the desks to I have to dodge to get there, what if I bump one and make an ass of myself, I don't want everyone watching me, all my movements are so abrupt and jerky (when Im nervous, everythings abrupt and jerky) - everyone will notice and think I walk like a retard, blah blah blah. If someone was around when I was at my locker sometimes it'd take me more than one try to unlock it. I felt uncomfortable just changing positions in my seat I always tried to get a seat closest to the door or whichever seat was one where I didn't have to walk infront of the whole class to do things. I couldn't make eye contact with people, the idea of doing speeches or presentations was horrifying. I don't know. It was bad. I felt really ugly too; part of the reason I didn't like people watching or looking at me I guess- I thought they must just be thinking of how ugly I was.
Another thing was I always tried to make sure I knew where my friends would be at lunch, breaks, etc. I didn't want to be caught standing around alone or something, scared everyone would notice and think I was a loser. Sometimes I'd just walk around aimlessly pretending like I knew where I was going lol. Bad, bad times. The whole thing was just nonstop anxiety. Right to the end, literally. Couldn't even stand up and get off the bus without feeling it.
I am the shy teen on the high school. I don't like it, it's hard, it hurts and it leaves me confusing, lying to and hurting people, but well, I guess I could take it as an opportunity and a challenge to work on myself and learn to accept my past and stuff.
Sigh.
But, gottseidank, I did never, really, experience hardcore bullying. There were and still are gossips, there was some major names-calling and verbal abuse going on some time ago and generally I have never felt as and felt taken for a part of the collective - but all that seems to be useful for me (though painful at times).
Oh, shut up, Sue.
Love to everyone, and don't let anyone squint you down too much.
Joined: Nov 17, 2007 Posts: 58 Location: in a mad-house...
Posted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 1:00 am Post subject:
yeah i'm very shy in high school. i feel awkward talking, walking, even existing. i never know what to say and i feel like i'm boring. i feel weird even talking to my friends. so, to alot of people, i'm the type of person you only talk to when you've got no one else...
it's great that you've gotten over it. i was pretty outgoing when i was a kid, but year after year, i got more and more timid. my SP only stared not so long ago, when my confidence and self-esteem hit rock bottom. i hope that everyone who is suffering overcomes their problem soon.
I dropped out. High school was just overwhelming for me. I didn't want to attract any attention to myself and just felt overly self conscious about everything. Like for example, whereas usually you know you..say.. need to throw something in the garbage. Most people just go throw it in the garbage. I have to contemplate the whole thing for a few minutes. Like look at all the desks to I have to dodge to get there, what if I bump one and make an ass of myself, I don't want everyone watching me, all my movements are so abrupt and jerky (when Im nervous, everythings abrupt and jerky) - everyone will notice and think I walk like a retard, blah blah blah. If someone was around when I was at my locker sometimes it'd take me more than one try to unlock it. I felt uncomfortable just changing positions in my seat I always tried to get a seat closest to the door or whichever seat was one where I didn't have to walk infront of the whole class to do things. I couldn't make eye contact with people, the idea of doing speeches or presentations was horrifying. I don't know. It was bad. I felt really ugly too; part of the reason I didn't like people watching or looking at me I guess- I thought they must just be thinking of how ugly I was.
Another thing was I always tried to make sure I knew where my friends would be at lunch, breaks, etc. I didn't want to be caught standing around alone or something, scared everyone would notice and think I was a loser. Sometimes I'd just walk around aimlessly pretending like I knew where I was going lol. Bad, bad times. The whole thing was just nonstop anxiety. Right to the end, literally. Couldn't even stand up and get off the bus without feeling it.
Quote:
yeah i'm very shy in high school. i feel awkward talking, walking, even existing. i never know what to say and i feel like i'm boring. i feel weird even talking to my friends. so, to alot of people, i'm the type of person you only talk to when you've got no one else... Crying or Very sad
Thank you both for sharing your thoughts. It sounds so much like me, every word.
Oh my god, and before I've come to this site I've always felt like I was the only one feeling this way. I felt so messed-up, so wrong, so loser-ish, so worthless, so disconnected.
Social anxiety is probably one of the biggest today's taboos.
Not Shy at all but i have social phobia like i feel like everybody hates me ..afraid of people judgement ... I have few friends that like my personality and if I wasnt suffering from social phobia i will be the popular one in the school !
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I always tried to get a seat closest to the door or whichever seat was one where I didn't have to walk infront of the whole class to do things. I couldn't make eye contact with people, the idea of doing speeches or presentations was horrifying. I don't know. It was bad. I felt really ugly too; part of the reason I didn't like people watching or looking at me I guess- I thought they must just be thinking of how ugly I was.
