Joined: Jan 04, 2005 Posts: 100 Location: Australia
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 4:12 am Post subject:
lifesnotfair wrote:
i have tried to help myself, talked to my doctor, a shrink, taking medication, however i ether a) refuse to go out to meet people, or b) there is no place where i can go to meet people. I am not feeling sorry for myself, as i am trying, but as much as i like to think that i am doing things to get myself better, it seems to be not working. Now some of you may think that i am feeling sorry for myself.. not the case, i am telling you the dead honest truth about how i feel, and yes i do believe that certain things are other peoples fault such as causing my depression.
however with regards to women.. well thats something i don't think will happen, because as much as i try, i go nowhere fast.. so i have just given up entirely on trying.
Lifesnotfair, I truly sympathise with your problems. I really used to be as pesimistic of the future as you currently are, honest! But after a few years of self-pity I finally got sick of listening to my own voice whinge and to the voices of other people saying, 'Well shit, if you don't get off your arse and go out, how the hell do you expect to improve.' So now I attend college, have only two friends (the geeks of course), no girls hanging around (of course) and outside of college I only have two friends that I made after becoming socially phobic (only because I told them of my illness and now they help me out). To me this is still a terrible life, I feel like shit and would love to give up. But I can't, because if I do I know I will just be sitting around at home hating myself.
To this day I wonder if I will find my better half, but in the meantime I'm trying my darndest to get better at talking to store clerks! If you really want a relationship lifesnotfair, wouldn't you prefer to try and perhaps fail than just sit there and wonder what could have been?
bro, as long as your a nice person, and your not some kinda stalker or something ... most woman wont despise you for having depression\anxiety or whatever. yer some will ... many will be indifferent to you and ignore you ... and many, you can be friends with.
BUT .. you cant expect a girl to look past all your problems and mother you. Just because you have a friendship with a girl who understands you suffer sp and is understanding of it .. thats a whole seperate thing. Woman need someone thats confident, someone that is going to challenge them, and someone who is a whole bunch of things.
So the best thing you can do is try and make yourself better everyday, try and build friendships with people gently .. and as far as intamacy ... bro someone with bad sp who cant even make friends or socialise ... its gonna be tricky.
Your 23 years old man .. enoughs enough ... canada got a redlight district ? it must do. go to it.
Joined: Dec 02, 2004 Posts: 18 Location: Australia
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 8:19 am Post subject:
Just another thing I wanted to comment on. This problem is not only applicable to SA peeps but also other people. That is focusing your life on one thing. In your case and often with everyone its getting a partner of the opposite sex. Here's the thing, to have fulfilling lives. We need a few life boxes shall I say. For example, Work, Hobbies, Friends, Spirituality, Interests, and of course a partner. Its very easy, I think a little bit more so for guys to see getting a partner as the only box, but it certainly isn't. The other trouble with this approach is that you may find someone, your other boxes get neglected and the one 'partner' box becomes your whole life. This maybe ok while your together, but sometimes things happen, often for the best, and then the box which takes up most of your life is empty. The result being you see your life as being very empty. Now I certanly empathise about nothing having a special someone but you have to be careful to realise, thats only one part of your life you may want to fulfill. Its all about balance.
Joined: Dec 21, 2004 Posts: 27 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:28 am Post subject:
Hello lifesnotfair
I think you just have to kinda try and live in the moment and not think about whats wrong with your life because thats when you get bogged down.
Things do kinda suck sometimes but you have to try not to get into a depressive mood about it. You have to concentrate on the things that interest you. And also life is unexcpected, you never know who may have noticed you.
Joined: Dec 21, 2004 Posts: 27 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:28 am Post subject:
Hello lifesnotfair
I think you just have to kinda try and live in the moment and not think about whats wrong with your life because thats when you get bogged down.
Things do kinda suck sometimes but you have to try not to get into a depressive mood about it. You have to concentrate on the things that interest you. And also life is unexcpected, you never know who may have noticed you.
Joined: Nov 23, 2004 Posts: 1645 Location: Manchester UK
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:52 am Post subject:
Felix is right, try not to wallow in what is wrong and take your life a day at a time, I know its hard in a depressive rut, dont dwell on what is wrong, your attitude to why you havn't found love wont help either, it's far too negative, relax and dont think about it, try making freinds if possible, that can lead to love but if you go around resnting the fact it hasnt happened, I doubt it ever will.
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