given up, i see why this forum is so popular now.

COALPORTER · Newbie User Joined: Nov 27, 2006 Posts: 47

Yea, it's not so easy to try and change.
I feel like my social skills are so far behind
and people can tell just by looking at me.
Most people don't really want me to go up
and try to talk to them anyway. They just
freek out and look at me like i'm Frankinstein
or something.
Most people just go away when they see me coming.
The only people that ever talk to me in public
are the super weirdo's
I general, when I try to come out of my shell
and not be shy and try to do something then
I'm closer to getting beet up than making friends.
I've even had people tell me that Im lost and don't
what Im doing and your just going to get beet up.

nesh · Newbie User Joined: Aug 29, 2007 Posts: 78

I think it is good to have a balance of negative and positive experiences to read. I think it is good to read about other ppls struggles and have a moan yourself. It can sometimes make you realize how insignificant some of your problems actually are or it can make you feel less alienated and isolated. You need to accept that a lot of ppl are here because of their problems not because they have solved them. There don't seem to be very many ppl here that have overcome their problems and offering their advice. Share your experiences, be them good ones or bad ones, that's what I say.

rado31 · Expert User Joined: Sep 15, 2006 Posts: 669

Reading about terrible problems others have doesnt help me , neither should help anyone....But at least you were sincere and by reading this post you are able to gain one more social skill...

Tryin · Advanced User Joined: Sep 04, 2006 Posts: 413

YankeeBob · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2007 Posts: 113

Shy people .....it has been my experience.....are very sensitive.

Anything that smacks of "being judged" triggers anger and anger if left unresolved becomes resentment.

Healthy people I am told deal with their anger by talking about with the person concerned. Eg : "the comment you made this morning about shyness, were you suggesting that I was weak because I still suffer from this condition?"

That is they ask questions, seek clarification, gather more information...before they decide if it warrants anger.

Then they decide whether to LASH OUT with anger, or deal with it some other way.

Shy people, who have no ability in this area don't have the emotional and psychological skills developed YET to deal with conflict in his way. The habits of tackling this way are something that take time.

Let me give you an example.

I called a man who was briefly a friend of mine yesterday morning to ask for some advice. A chap who I am counselling part time brought up the issue of shame/. So when I spoke to this shy man yesterday morning he was able to give me some useful information.

At the end of the conversation I mentioned this site and told him I had found it helpful. Mentioning it dealt with shyness and social phobia, and medical issues. He replied that "he didn't think shyness needed to be changed".

I reflected on that all day. I had a sense he thought I was criticising him so I rang him back last night before going to bed. And asked him about our conversation earlier that day.

He and I both a recall another conversation from several years ago on the same subject. And he recalls me suggesting that "shyness" is a character weakness.

I apologised and said, "Its not my place to decide what is a character weakness for others. I only have the right to say what is mine. And then added that at present PROCRASTINATION is my major issue. And others might see shyness as a glove they prefer to wear, or a glove they might want to learn to take off. Its not my decision."

Does this make sense in any way?

Joey86 · Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 8:11 am Post subject:

It's not very helpful to say "do this" and "do that".... everyone is good at something. The opposite is true as well: everyone is bad at some things too.

For us, especially when it comes to things that require us to be social, it is very demanding for us, whereas it might come very naturally to others *cringe*. We might be more in-tune with skills such as empathy because we are so sensitve, whereas others are just crap at this *cringes again*.

No it is not easy for us to just "get out more" and to "communicate effectively"...

coriander1992 · Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 6:01 pm Post subject:

easier said than done Rolling Eyes

_________________
Devon x

~ "I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had" ~

this-is-y-im-hot · Newbie User Joined: Jul 23, 2007 Posts: 23

wow i ent been here for ages...didint realise that caused so much uproar lol please excuse me, i am a very blunt person. i didnt mean anyone was a idiot blah blah. if u read my latest topic ull see how i ment it.

but to be fair....handling criticsm...even nasty uneeded critisism is a very usefull skill to have.

man i was fat ugly kid lol i had an overbite..the lot haha. but u know why people couldnt bully me? (because like kids they try) is coz rather than let them say shit about me, if someone called me fat..i would say 'yep weighed myself the other day...im now a ton!' n tbh if u make a joke out of stuff, people can laugh with you, rather than at u. then if i turned around to them and said 'my my...have u gained weight?' they would take it as a joke!
its that thing init. if uve got a hairy bum...and try and cover it up with the towl when u get changed...if the towl drops..everyones gonna look at it to see what u were hiding! if u just strip..most people wouldnt bother to look coz u ent drawin attention to it.

so yeh. if people r bein w@nkers to ya, if u get defensive, they will persist. if u just laugh and r like woteva. they will move on.

people arent demons!

maggie

AngelsTears85 · Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2008 12:38 am Post subject: