Do you like people?

InDeepshit · Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 11:25 am Post subject: Do you like people?

Hi i'm newly registered and i have a question about people with AVPD, do you genuinely care about nuturing a relationship because you like people or do you just want friends when you might want to have fun when you feel like it?

I think i might not care about people- i have had close friends in the past which have put effort into our friendship and i have felt inadequate or avoided them for other reasons and wouldn't contact them at all. The thing is, i think i want friends to have a good time with when i feel like it because i'm just viewing people through this distrustful lens which prevents me from opening up to them. I'm so confused- maybe i have taught myself not to want relationships FOR MYSELF but want to have friendships when i am a higher-functioning socially version of myself. At the moment I couldn't care less about being friends with my ex-friends as if i have had no history with them, and my socialising skills vary with the new people i meet which trigger my moods and thoughts. This means i always feel inadequate in varying degrees, but with new people i feel comfortable with, my inadequate social skills become more visibly dysfunctional then i begin losing the friendship. This is because it doesn't feel right so i begin to act strange but since i don't care about this person it doesn't matter, but i still feel dysfunctional. Its almost like it's not only that i feel inadequate, but that i don't care about them and i know i should try to speak to more people.
I know my post is all over the place but i'm trying to work out my approach to people... please give feedback on how you feel yourself, if you think i have AVPD, or if i made any sense Exclamation

social_introvert · Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 12:46 pm Post subject:

I personally like people, I enjoy social interactions as much as I enjoy being alone but my problem is that my introverted or shy nature takes over alot and controls my life to the point where I don't initiate contact, sometimes avoid people at work (even people I enjoy the company of!?) and feel anxious, nervous and lost for words around people. To really answer your question, I want relationships because I genuinely enjoy the company of others, for the stimulation but then as I said before sometimes my shy side manipulates my mind to "think" I only want friends when it pleases me, or that they don't like me any more.

ljwwriter · Newbie User Joined: Oct 31, 2007 Posts: 84

I guess honestly I don't like people too much. I mean I'm always willing to give them another shot, but after a couple hours amongst the general public I'm reminded of precisely why I'm such an introvert. People can just be absolutely exhausting, and these days forming a connection with someone is much harder than it should be. And I'm not just talking about for us social phobics.

Infected_Malignity · Advanced User Joined: Oct 17, 2007 Posts: 300

I love hanging out with people, forming friendships and such. But the thing about APD, SP, SA, and just general shyness is the fact that weather you like people or not, your problems tend to interfere with any kind of social life you've had.

I personally value just about everybody above me... lol. It might sound corny, but instead of seeing myself as an equal, I always tend to think of myself as a failure or something. I'm learning to see myself as just a regular, equal individual, but it's so hard. I still have friends and whatnot, but I really close myself off. Even though i know I'm not actually a failure, I can't help but see myself as one - so therefore I think other people see me the same way.

Skog · Newbie User Joined: Jul 13, 2006 Posts: 64 Location: USA

ljwwriter · Newbie User Joined: Oct 31, 2007 Posts: 84

I always want to like people but then I'm around them and find myself wondering what's to like? The social world isn't all it's cracked up to be, whether you want to be a part of it or not.

Foxglove · Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 7:04 am Post subject:

InDeepshit · Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 9:03 am Post subject:

Thanks to everyone for your replies.

Skog: I've taken a look at schizoid personality disorder but it doesn't fit as completely,
I think it's just a result to being brought up to only care about the family and to believe other people are just there temporarily.. so in approaching new relationships i'm avoidant, but in already established relationships it is a lack of personal responsibility in maintaining relationships. My problems definitely stem from the avoidant personality disorder criteria.

Ljwwriter: i know what you mean.. it's dissappointing not being able to feel a connection, it's so superficial and fake.. and then observing people communicate so easily and being so involved in what others have to say.

recluse · Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 7:40 pm Post subject:

rado31 · Expert User Joined: Sep 15, 2006 Posts: 654

Once you got to know a real human nature - you realize that you could like just few people. I m pretty much surprised that human specie invented something useful like wheel on axis ,for example.

I like all people who (try to) entertain all kids, they
seem like a real good people - completely out of these world messed
by human activities.